I'm not big into resolutions, although Mike certainly is (and it's one of the reasons that I love him so much!). I've tried resolutions before, and I just end up messing them up and breaking those resolutions approximately two days after the new year. By now, I truly know that they aren't for me.
Mike and I have been praying about this coming year. I saw that a few of my precious friends were asking the Lord to give them one word for the coming year. I thought that sounded pretty good, so my mind started racing with different ideas of what MY word could be! I thought just about everything, but then I came to the realization that I did NOT want my "word for the year" to be about me. I didn't want it to be something birthed of my flesh - something that I merely wanted. I desperately want my word (or theme) for the year to be from the Lord Jesus. I want it to be straight from His heart and not about me in any way. So, I gave it to Him and waited.
Honestly, I was okay if the Lord decided not to give me a word. Even if I didn't get a word, I am more excited about this New Year than I have ever been about one in the past. We survived an entire year without our Princess. We lived the darkest of days, and we made it. I'm thrilled even with that, and knowing there's a new start and that God is up to something was good enough for me! And then yesterday, He gave me my word! RESTORATION. Wow.
res·to·ra·tion
[res-tuh-rey-shuh
n] (taken from dictionary.com)
1.
the act of restoring; renewal, revival, or reestablishment.
2.
the state or fact of being restored.
3.
a return of something to a former, original, normal, or unimpaired condition.
4.
restitution of something taken away or lost.
5.
something that is restored, as by renovating.
Amazing. Look at all of those definitions! Each one pierces my heart and excites my Spirit!
After this last year, we need restoration as a family; I need restoration as an individual. We also need restoration in relationships. I am so grateful that the Lord is truly going to be working restoration in our lives.
With Ellie's Heavenly Anniversary, I found myself hit with all of these false expectations that I had placed on my grief and on my heart. I think they come from society, from well-meaning family members and from those who think they are helping us by wanting us to "move on". I found myself asking lots of questions like, "Why am I not over this? Shouldn't I be over this? Shouldn't I miraculously be better now that it's been a year?".
I also kept thinking of history and how grief was handled throughout it. I mean, most people were in mourning for 6-12 months. Surely that's enough time, right? That should be enough time for the deep grief (tongue in cheek). After all, from what I've heard, Lady Mary starts dating a mere six months after her beloved Matthew is killed in a car accident (shameless 'Downton Abbey' reference)! But My Friends, that is not true life. That isn't how the heart works, for most people anyway, and certainly not for my family and for myself.
Seeing the way our godly friends have handled grief brings so much encouragement and relief to me, in particular. I'm realizing that there is no time-frame on grief. There are no rules on it, and it's okay for me to feel just as broken at one year as I did the first day! God created us all differently, and we in turn mourn differently. We just need to be patient with each other, always extending grace and mercy.
That being said, I was thrilled with the Lord giving me RESTORATION, and I am so grateful that the Lord Jesus wants to do work on this in my life, and in the lives of my little family!
Lord, bring your restoration. Bring it freely and in your time. I surrender my Spirit, my Soul, my Mind, and Body. Restore every part. Restore my heart. Restore relationships. Be the Lord over our grief, over my grief. Be the Lord over every part of our lives. Thank you for the privilege to mourn the beautiful life of our Daughter, Ellie Kate.
I'm looking forward to the restoration that God wants to do in my life. What about you? What does the Lord Jesus want to do in your life this year? I'd love to hear about the things He has laid on your heart!
Being Restored,
Ryan
This is beautiful! I love your heart. Thank you for sharing it with us.
ReplyDeleteI, too, have been in prayer about my word. Thinking it might be TRUST. Trusting His will and not relying on my own. Trusting where I am in life. Trusting the process. Love you Ryan.