My passions are still the same, loving and advocating in the world of special needs, disability, and child-loss, but I've found IMMENSE JOY and PEACE the last few weeks, staying away from "noise".
While I can hardly believe I'm about to hit this 40th milestone,
and as the stun of it all slowly wears off,
God graciously reminds me of His Unwavering Faithfulness,
and He's done this away from the noise.
and as the stun of it all slowly wears off,
God graciously reminds me of His Unwavering Faithfulness,
and He's done this away from the noise.
Last weekend, I spent time with my best girlfriends from college (who are still close friends of mine today). It had been too long since we had all been together, breaking bread and talking about life and even longer since we had been in college (20 years of friendship!). The main theme which kept coming up was GOD. Suddenly, amidst our conversation over yummy wine, I was taken back to my college days, days that were full of a lot of personal heartaches as I struggled to find out what I believed on my own, as I struggled to find out who I was apart from what I had accomplished up until that point.
It was a scary time in many ways, as I left an extremely protected environment at home, released into an environment that was unlike any other I had ever experienced before. I absolutely admit to making many wrong choices and many times, I didn't like who I was or what I was doing during that time in my life. Of course, it's totally normal for young people to go through this at some point - some go through it during high school, some during college and some even later on in life. All of us must face the BIG things - who we believe, what we believe, why we believe it and it's taken me up until now to really sort those things out. No, I don't have everything figured out in any shape or form, but I AM more grounded and I know who I am more than ever before; I know what I believe and I feel more secure than ever, for which I am extremely grateful for!
90's Girls, For Sure!
So, back to the dinner with friends - I remembered all of those feelings from 20 years ago and how this group of friends stuck by me through ALL of the ups and downs, the messiness and wonder of life at that time. Our bond has never broken because of our FAITH in the Lord Jesus Christ - knowing He is the Lord of each of our lives, knowing He is the Lord of each of our families, knowing He allows or causes all things in each other's lives, in the lives of our children, and more! It was so beautiful to look around the table that night, knowing we've walked through children in the hospital, rare diseases, catastrophic diagnoses; troubles in our marriages, job changes, big moves, and more - God has brought each one of us through all of it. Sweetly, He's allowed us to walk through it together. He had a purpose for all of the ups and downs and brought us closer to His heart! He has made us better women, better mothers, friends, wives, sisters, daughters, and Believers and only HE can redeem all of it for His glory!
I think back to some lonely times when I had no idea what God would do in my life or with my life; how would my life even turn out? And just as He has walked with me and with my friends together, through life and death and everything in between, He has FAITHFULLY walked me HERE, to where I am now at 40 - this beautiful, messy, broken, happy, intense, journey with Mike, Conner, Ellie Kate, Henry, Lucy, and Bowen Jane. And while I wouldn't always have chosen the hard places, the dark places, and broken places, HE has a purpose for it all and I can TRUST Him. He has allowed things and caused things to happen, for OUR good and ultimately, for HIS GLORY!
Young Mamas (notice a pretty-in-pink Ellie Kate on my lap)
How precious is it that the Lord truly IS faithful?!
I can SEE it and I KNOW it from my life in the past.
I can trust that it will continue to happen in the future,
always and forever, because of HIM.
always and forever, because of HIM.
It reminds me of a song I learned in childhood;
one I still find myself singing to this day . . .
"My Redeemer is Faithful and True,
Everything He has said He will do;
Every morning, His mercies are new!
My Redeemer is Faithful and True."
Remember, especially if you are struggling or in a place of doubt or despair . . . GOD IS faithful and true!
He will do everything He said He will do and SO much more -
more than you could ever dream up on your own.
Ask Him to remind you of His faithfulness,
just as He has so sweetly done for me;
I know you won't be disappointed.
Numbers 23:19 - God is not a man, so he does not lie. He is not human, so he does not change his mind. Has he ever spoken and failed to act? Has he ever promised and not carried it through?
Hebrews 10:23 - Let us hold tightly without wavering to the hope we affirm, for God can be trusted to keep his promise.
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Family Update:
LUCY: Sister Sue's had two hospital admissions since I last posted and continues to have good days and bads days. One of the hospital stays was due to a severe staph infection and we are seeing signs of that returning tonight. I will be calling the doctor first thing in the morning to see what we need to do. Obviously, it isn't too concerning at this point but I have no idea how they will want to proceed since the first infection was so intense.
HENRY: This Little Man continues to respond well to the IVIG treatment he received this past summer in D.C. We are STILL struggling with the payment, which was made upfront on our behalf. We are still trying to get it approved by insurance and at this time, we are thinking of other ways we can find the funds to pay this large bill off. IVIG has been LIFE-CHANGING for Henry, in the very best way! In fact, he needs another round of it now. We are absolutely choosing to trust the Lord in this as we have NO idea how the initial payment will be paid OR how to pay for another treatment, much less a trip to D.C. for the specialized treatment. We've been working hard with our doctors here in OKC but at this time, there is no immediate chance (nor chance in sight) of receiving the needed transfusion here.
CONNER: He astounds us each and every day, showing us what a wonderful big brother he is to ALL of his siblings! Conner doesn't have an easy job, we know that as his parent and yet, he joyfully plays and loves his siblings so well. He proudly pushes Lucy's wheelchair to this day and now, even proudly pushes Bowen's stroller as well (not at the same time, of course). Conner will be in high school this fall, which is hard to believe for ALL of us (him included), so we treasure each day we have with our son, protectively overseeing all he does. We are beyond proud of Conner and pray God will set goals and godly desires deep within the heart of this young man who has been entrusted to us.
BOWEN: Bowie Jane continues to be the light of each day for me, each moment, even. All of us have fallen head over heels for this Little Girl who proudly knows each of our names (and says most of them correctly;)). Each morning, she wakes and immediately says, "Momma! My Momma?!", and her busy little self is all around the house each and every moment, never slowing down except to sleep. This GIFT is not lost on me - we are ALL very much aware of this rare blessing we have in Bowen Jane. Truly, she is a Gracious Gift of God!
Forever and always, THANK YOU for your continued love, support, encouragement, and prayer.
I say it often, but not nearly enough, we live off your words of life -
God gives them to us through you, just like manna.
So, even if we don't respond or are very late in responding, please know that each message,
text, and voicemail truly mean the world to us!
I'm praying this week, for God to richly encourage your heart
the way He uses you to encourage mine.
Ryan Elizabeth (the soon-to-be 40-year-old!)
