Ellie Kate

How do you put into words what a life means to you?  How can you express the infinite love you have your child?  It's so hard, Friends.  I could write for years about my Darling Daughter, but alas I will do my best to share my Ellie Kate story with you.  I want you to know her, love her and remember her with love.  

Ellie Kate is our second child.  We were elated to find out that we were having a girl!  We had our handsome two-year-old Conner, and now we would have a princess!  

Things were rough early on, and they actually thought I was having an ectopic pregnancy.  Thankfully, that wasn't the case.  I was extremely ill with Ellie, and we found out the reason for that - Ellie Kate was a twin, but I had lost that sweet baby early on.  The extra hormones were still making me sick.

I had lots of pre-term labor with Miss Ellie, and I constantly felt her moving.  Her moves were rhythmic, and I asked the doctor if I should be concerned with the continual movement.  She assured me that I was just carrying a little dancer, which I was thrilled about.  Little did I know that in reality, Ellie Kate was seizing in-vitro.  

My labor was fast, furious and wonderful.  Two pushes and the Princess was out!  She had a weak cry and I didn't see her open her eyes.  She also had trouble keeping her temp up, but everyone assured me that she was fine.  I had Ellie Kate stay in my room with me those two nights in the hospital, and I relished every moment of holding her. 

Ellie had a weak suck too, but they thought she was a "lazy baby".  Of course, I knew in my heart that wasn't true - I had carried that baby who constantly moved!  But, I wasn't the doctor or nurse, and in reality they could never have known what was truly going on in Ellie Kate's body.  She was jaundice, which also seemed to account for her "laziness".  So, we went home with our Sweet Girl.

I couldn't get Ellie to eat.  Conner had been such a good nurser, and I was sad that Ellie wouldn't latch on.  I tried pumping and giving her the bottle.  Still, she wouldn't take much.  I was so concerned, that I took Ellie Kate to the doctor the day after we got home from the hospital.  They checked her levels since she was jaundice, and when they pricked her she didn't make a peep.  Again, they tossed it up to being a lazy baby. 

The second night at home was even more intense.  Ellie was harder to wake and I still had not seen those beautiful eyes.  I could tell her body was cold and she was doing strange things.  Newborns move in strange ways, but this was a little different.  Mike assured me that I was worrying too much; that we were all just tired and needed rest.  He was trying his best to calm my heart.  

That third day, I called our doctor in a panic.  Ellie wasn't acting right.  She kindly sent a home health nurse out to evaluate EK.  Even the home health nurse thought that Ellie was lethargic because of being jaundice.  Somehow, I couldn't make anyone understand that something was wrong.  

On the fourth day (the fifth day of life), Ellie wouldn't wake up at all.  She didn't move, although she did breath.  Her skin was cold.  I called the nurse.  I called home health.  I called the doctor.  I didn't rush her to the ER like I should have because everyone told me she was okay.  I knew something was wrong and insisted the nurse come out.  When she arrived, she said we needed to go straight to the ER.  She felt this was a complication of jaundice, and that we shouldn't be too concerned.  So, on to the hospital we went.  

When we got up to our room, Ellie Kate stopped breathing.  Her temperature dropped to 92 degrees.  Our precious doctor "happened" to be there, and I saw her face go white.  She had to leave the room and compose herself.  I knew it was bad.  They rushed EK to the PICU where they intubated her started trying to keep her alive.  Our daughter was in metabolic crisis.  That night we were told that Ellie probably wouldn't make it.  I don't remember much, but I do remember walking out of that meeting with the PICU doctor and seeing a host of faithful friends from our church.  They were literally on their knees, praying for Ellie's life to be spared.  Oh, how that comforted me!  

The next weeks were a blur, and Ellie lay in a coma and on the ventilator.  They wouldn't let us stay with her because she was so critical.  She was hooked up to many machines and her little body was swollen from fluid and meds.  I cried out to God like never before.  I talked to my Daughter.  I begged her to wake up, telling her she could be anything she wanted to be, if she would only wake up.  

By the end of December, the doctors had done all that they could do.  They gave us a choice - we could take Ellie off life support and let her go, or we could have her transferred to a hospital out of state.  We desperately wanted to know what was wrong with our girl, and we weren't about to give up on our Girl, so we chose to go to Texas Children's Hospital in Houston.  The very next day, December 31, 2006, Ellie and I were medi-flighted to Houston.  Ellie was on the vent, in her incubator.  We had a two nurses, a respitory therapist and a pilot on the plane.  It was a blurr to me.  

Suddenly we arrived in Houston, and I was awestruck.  Mike had flown in and met us at the hospital.  They took us up to the 200 bed NICU.  Lines and lines of precious babies on ventilators.  It was a sight to see.  I knew Ellie was in good hands in this state-of-the-art hospital.  His peace was with me.  

People fasted during Ellie's time at TCH.  They prayed, they flew in to visit us, they paid for me to stay in a hotel across the street from the hospital . . . the Body of Christ was at work like I had never seen or experienced.  Within a week and a half, Ellie Kate woke from her coma and extubated herself!  At two weeks, we had a diagnosis - Non-Ketotic Hyperglycenemia.  God even had my friend there with me when I was given the diagnosis and explanation of this terminal disease.  I was relieved to have answers.  I was relieved to be released and to go home to my husband and to my little Conner.  It would be a long road, but at least we would be home and we would be together.  

From there, life drastically changed.  I quit my job because of the taxing medical schedule we had to keep.  In her life, Ellie Kate spent a total of approximately 16-17 months in the hospital, including a three-month stint.  Ellie was constantly battling her seizures, her developmental delays, her inability to eat by mouth, her surgeries, her low immune system, etc.  She had a tough life, that Girl of mine.  She is the bravest person I have ever known, and I am proud to be her momma.  

Ellie loved life on earth.  She adored her Daddy and big brother Conner.  She was jealous when Henry came along, but deep down I know she loved him deeply.  She was just getting know little Lucy, but she loved her.  She would pat Lucy and try to pick her up in her own way.  Needless to say, we had to keep a keen eye on her around Lucy Belle!  Oh, how I wish they could grow up together.  

Ellie would light up when she heard her Daddy's voice or when she saw his face.  She hopped to the door everyday when he came home from work.  She adored him, and I must admit that I was a bit jealous.  EK also loved her grandparents!  My Mother's special songs to Ellie brought so much joy, and made Ellie Kate feel so special.  They shared a special bond.  And Paw Paw (Mike's Dad), also would sing to EK, and she ate it up.  

My Daughter was girly, loved hair bows and frilly things, and loved to shop.  She also enjoyed being around other kids and had a ball at school.  She even road the school bus the last few months of her life!  Ellie Kate WAS a dancer, just as my doctor had predicted.  She loved anything with a beat, and particularly loved worship time at church.  Ellie had a full life on earth.  She was happy and enjoyed her life.  Oh, how grateful I am for that!

Ellie came home on hospice on December 20, 2012 and passed away on December 23rd.  She had visits from her dearest friends, therapists and teachers.  All of her aunts, uncles and grandparents were able to say "goodbye".  Ellie Kate McLaughlin died in our arms that morning, and our hearts were broken.  Oh, the joy we had that our Daughter had entered the Kingdom of God and was complete and whole with her Sweet Jesus!  But oh, the anguish of seeing those beautiful last breathes, of knowing that we would no longer see her alive here on earth!  Jesus, our precious Abba-Father, is still mending our hearts, and I imagine He always will be.  

There are so many other things I could share!  If you see me and want to know more stories, just ask.  I will gladly open my heart and share with you the earthly life of my daughter.  Believe me, I'm eager to do just that!  

I think the best thing I could share with you is the letter I wrote to Ellie Kate on her Seventh Birthday - just days before she would go to Jesus.  Enjoy the words of my mommy-heart.  May they give you a tiny glimpse of the amazing life of Ellie Kate McLaughlin . . . 

To My Ellie Kate, On Your Seventh Birthday:

I will never forget the day that you were born. One of my biggest dreams came true - I had a daughter! You were gorgeous, and although I didn't see your eyes for a long time, I knew they would be perfect. Your dark hair, your dark skin - I finally at a baby that looked like me! And, you were (and forever will remain) our Princess; feminine as ever from the very beginning.

We've been on this journey together now for seven years. It seems like yesterday and yet these seven years have come to define our lives as individuals and as a family. Seven years of joy, of pain, of sorrow, of gratitude, of pure love; all of which have been full of precious moments. I do not regret one day with you, Sweet Girl. I do not regret one thing we have endured together, because it has brought us to where we are today.

The night you were born, Daddy and I sat in the hospital room and gave you over to the Lord, as Abraham gave up Isaac. We had no idea what God was really calling us to do, but we gave our Little Princess entirely to Him. Our prayer was that He would use your life for His glory. Oh, Little One, how He has exceeded my feeble expectations!

Ellie, you are a joy. You have changed my life forever. I love better because of you. I serve better because of you. I even hurt better because of you. I am BETTER because of you.

You lead me to Christ, to our Father, to the Spirit. You lead people across the globe to the One True Light. You are a Missionary. You are a Worship Leader. You are an Artist.

I bless you today, on your seventh birthday, Dear Girl. I pray that God showers His goodness and mercy upon you. I pray that you always feel His presence and see His angels around you. I pray that you will know how much you are loved, and I pray that God will continue to use you for His glory – whatever that might look like.

Always and Forever, Little One –
Mommy

To watch Ellie's Life Celebration, go to the following link: 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q7z_o_Fla1k