Overflowing

It's been a while since I've written, and that's odd for me - especially during such a special, awkward and sacred time in our lives.  Writing here is such therapy for me - it helps me process my thoughts.  Even if it isn't read, I am thankful that I can put my words out there.

As you may know, our family has escaped to my favorite place in the world.  Only some of you know where that is, but I can tell you that a beach is involved.  Unfortunately, where we are staying doesn't have wifi (ugh!).  Nonetheless, I instantly, I felt peace upon arriving.  Peace with nature, peace with myself, peace from my Sweet Father-God.  Peace comes in His incredible creation.  So here we are, hiding out for these difficult days, as a family, while getting to see extended family and friends in the area.  It's been precious so far, even though my emotions have been up and down.

Here's a taste of where we are . . . 

I'm of course reliving those last precious days with Ellie Kate while we are here.  Some of the memories are very, very painful.  When you watch your loved one suffer so terribly, it really does cut you to your core.  How I wish I could have taken that earthly pain away from her!

Thursday, December 19th:  We brought Ellie home from the hospital on hospice.  The night before, Mike had stayed the night in the hospital so that I could get ready for Ellie coming home.  I walked in her room on December 19th and was struck with how she looked.  She had truly taken a turn for the worse.  Every time I tried to feed her, she would scream in pain.  She was already starting to bruise all over her body.  At that moment, I knew that we had made the right decision as her body truly was breaking down.

That evening was a hard one.  We had planned some fun and special things, but Ellie was already in rough shape.  I realized the plans I had made were just that - MY plans, and not what was best for my Daughter.  So, we played it by ear.  And we loved on Ellie as much as we could.

Friday, December 20th:  On this day, Ellie still had a bit of energy.  She tried to engage with us a few times.  She touched the Christmas tree. And, by God's goodness, our friend and photographer, Holly Hall, was able to come to take hospice photos. Ellie was going downhill so fast, and our minds were trying to wrap around that.  We obviously had never done hospice pictures before, and neither had Holly; but God was with us all, and He inspired this artist.  The result was precious pictures, some of which we've never posted.   We invited her therapists and teachers over to stay goodbye that evening.  She had a burst of energy that night, and I'm so thankful that we were able to watch her "hop" her friends out the door, like she loved to do with any visitors.  It was precious.  I will warn you now: For those that know EK, the following pics may be hard to see, as she is so unlike herself . . .

Saturday, December 21st: This day, Ellie was going in and out of consciousness.  I held her most of the day, except for the times of vomiting I had brought on by my nerves.  My friend Jenni Khufal came to visit, even though she was suffering (and still is) from a rare and serious form of cancer.  We received gifts from Miranda Lambert, Taylor Swift and Carrie Underwood - Ellie's favorites.  I like to think that she could still here us some, as well as the music we played her, and the prayers we said over her.

By that evening, one year ago tonight, we knew the end was near.  Nurse Mindy stayed with Mike and I.  We put her in bed with us, loving on her through the night.  It was the most precious night of my life.  See, Ellie never like to snuggle with me.  I think it was because we never physically bonded when she was an infant.  After all, she was on the ventilator for almost two months, then was in and out the hospital for most of that first year.  But that night, we snuggled like never before.

I will save the rest for later this weekend.  We so covet your prayers and blessings for us during this time.  As the end of our "Firsts" without Ellie Kate is drawing near, I find myself full of so many emotions, which I'm sure is normal.  I'm just glad to be in a peaceful place with my family, away from the normal and day-to-day, away from our home and those last hard memories.  I am SO GRATEFUL, friends.  God is infinitely good, and I'm only beginning to see the outskirts of His kindness.

Also, remember that the Month of Reckless Love in Honor of Ellie Kate is still going strong!  You still have time to jump in and participate with active, purposeful acts of kindness and love to those around you.  Here are a few ways you can still participate . . .

December 23rd: Ellie's Heaven Day! Post pictures of you and your family releasing PINK balloons in Ellie Kate's honor. Send messages with your balloons and be creative! This is a way to show our family that you remember our Sweet Girl.


FOR WAYS TO GIVE while receiving a tax write-off: 

*Give to the "Ellie Kate Project" through Helping Hands Ministries - This is the family medical fund, and giving goes directly to Lucy Belle's medical costs.  Although we do have good insurance coverage, many of the NKH meds and treatments are not FDA approved, and thus are not covered.  With Helping Hands, we turn in our receipts and they can pay they directly.  It's great accountability, which we are grateful for.  

*Give to NKH Crusaders and help us find a cure for this terrible disease which causes GI issues, epilepsy, extreme developmental delays, mental retardation, and more. 

*Give to OKC Hope Link OKC Hope Link- - a ministry we help lead; Hope Link reaches families of children with rare, serious and undiagnosed disorders.

Overflowing With His Love,
Ryan