Mid-Life Crisis???

It seems as though I am going through a mid-life crisis.  Maybe.  With Conner starting 5th grade next fall and with the recent issues in the Oklahoma Public School Systems (i.e. Common Core, etc), I'm desperately wanting to do something different.  I mean, I am desperately wanting better education for my children.

 For so long, we've been in "survival mode", and I truly haven't had much time to think about the boys and school (please don't judge).  Afterall, our local elementary school has high marks and is close enough for them to walk to.  And I must say, there are a few teachers there that we really and truly love!

There is just something missing . . . Is it REALLY okay to have 27 kids in ONE classroom?  Should I just put up with the fact that I don't feel welcome at the school, that I don't feel like I fit in, that we have yet to truly connect with our neighbors (except for two families, one of which is Conner's good friend Matthew and his family)?  We've been in our home for almost FOUR years.  Shouldn't we feel at home, at ease, and even welcome (gasp) at the school and in the neighborhood?  But alas, that is not the case.

The time I've spent with my friend Jenni over the last few years has reminded me of the precious connection one has by being in a small Christian school.  People rally around you during hard times.  People pray for you.  People serve along side of you and teach your children to serve as well.  Classrooms are smaller.  Families and individuals are truly known and they genuinely care; that is a priceless thing to me.  It's sort of like going to school in a small town where everyone knows everyone else.  I want that for my kids.

I want my children to be known.  I want them to excel because of one-on-one attention in the classroom and on the field.  I want them to learn character qualities and experience life with teachers and coaches who are Believers.  I want to play a part in their education, rather than the government dictating so many things.  I want them to have life-long friends like I do, ones that I can trust to care for my children.  I want them to know the Lord in a deeper way, and for that to be taught in the classroom.

This is something that Mike and I are intensely praying about.  Right now, there is no way we can afford ANY Christian school in the Metro. We don't live an extravagant life as it is (have you seen our cars lately?? I'm not complaining, just sayin'). There is nothing we can cut from our budget to help. I thought about homeschooling, using the curriculum from one of the local Christian schools, but what would happen if Lucy had a doctor appointment, had testing, appointments, or was in the hospital for weeks???  Unfortunately, I don't think this would be a possibility for us.  It just isn't realistic.

So, what IS a possibility???  Well, we could sell our house and move into a smaller, older home.  That would give us some extra funds to put towards school.  And if I keep working my Plexus business, that would help too!  And of course, God would need to pour some major manna from Heaven, folks.  He would have to clearly show us that this is what He wants by providing in a miraculous ways.

It hurts my heart to leave this home where the memory of Ellie Kate is so alive!  This is the place she died; where her spirit left this earth, right here in my bed.  Could I leave this house?  The desire I have for the boys is burning so strong that I would be willing to leave, to sacrifice.  To be honest, my dream is to move into a historic house in Edmond, in the same neighborhood as many of our good friends, all of whom we go to church with or do Hope Link with.  Ahhh, that would be the life!  

I'd love to live in a crickety old house, on a tree-lined street and be able to send our kids to the Christian school there.  But, that isn't realistic for us.  And though I am sad that we can't do that at this time, I find solace in the fact that God is orchestrating it all.  And isn't that what parenting is all about??  Sacrifice is what we are called to as Believers.  Sacrifice is what we are called to as parents.  It isn't fun, it isn't easy, it isn't always what we want to do . . . but if it were, then it wouldn't be sacrifice, now would it? Sacrifice builds character and makes us more dependent on the Father.

We would love your prayers as we seek the Lord in this.  I truly believe He is working on our hearts at this very moment.  Only HE could place this desire in our hearts.  The Holy Spirit is at work, and I want to listen whole-heartedly!

Waiting on the Lord (and wondering if mid-life crisis are typical when you are 36) -
Ryan