Mother's Day

Today is Mother's Day.  It's a time to honor your mother; to love on her in special ways, to give her gifts of appreciation and to care for her in ways that you don't normally do in the everyday life.  But for moms who have lost children, it can be excruciating.  Really and truly, this day can be so painful.

Somehow, I think that Mother's Day may be harder than other holidays, for those whose children are in Heaven.  On holidays, birthdays and "Heaven-Days", people surround you and lift you up.  They love on YOU because they know how hard it is.  On Mother's Day though, they are celebrating their own mothers and grandmothers and rightfully so!  It's just that many moms of dead children (let's call it what it is, folks) don't always get the out-of-the-ordinary encouragement and reckless love that they may receive on other holidays.

Special Times with My Darling Girl

Yesterday was horrible for me (I'm just being real).  I was focused on the fact that one of my children was missing on my Mother's Day weekend.  Ellie Kate will always be missing from this special time; and that hurts.  I was in a terrible mood and stomped around the house, around the soccer fields and around the grocery store.  My poor family, including Nurse Mindy, put up with so much.  How grateful I am for their patience!

Since there's a chance for severe weather, I also took yesterday to put my energy into getting our storm shelter ready.  This included gathering Ellie's precious things that I want to be sure and save.  I stomped around in the attic, and then I broke down.  I fell on top of those clothes - the ones I never again will see Ellie Kate in.  I couldn't catch my breath as I opened her armoire.  I touched those dresses.  With each piece of clothing came a memory.  They flooded my heart so quickly that I almost couldn't stand it. I went to Ellie's spot and left a little gift (it's more for me than for her, obviously). I went to bed heavy-hearted, holding on to Ellie's shirt (which I do every night).

Ellie's Spot at Sunset Yesterday

Happy Mother's Day Gift for Ellie's Spot

I thought today would be miserable for me.  But you know what?  It hasn't been!  Even Lucy's extreme crying spells haven't made me upset (although I do hurt for her and long to help her).  I've felt special and loved.  Mike, Mindy, Conner, Henry, and even Lucy have made me feel loved and special today.  I proudly used the bag Ellie Kate gave me Mother's Day 2012 as my purse today, and it made me smile.  Of course, I miss her being with me, having all of my children together.  But, I'm thankful that she is complete and whole and is no longer suffering, and that makes me happy.  Lord knows all of us mommas want our children to be happy; we want to take away their pain, and that is something I could never do for Ellie.  But now . . . NO PAIN!

Thundering Up for Church!

On the 50th try (okay, I'm exaggerating), we finally got a decent one (halfway decent).

I am able to rejoice today - rejoice in the fact that I was able to have my children because I know that is something many people long for; including some dear friends.  I'm able to rejoice because my family is honoring me.  I'm able to rejoice because My Precious Daughter is with her King today!  It is a good day.

Thank you for your prayers, Dear Friends.  Thank you for your many texts and posts.  You have encouraged my heart.  If you know a momma hurting because of child loss, because of miscarriage or because of infertility, please go and love on them today in a reckless way.

Enjoying My Mother's Day,
Ryan