He Has Given Me More than I Can Handle!

Ever hear the saying, "God can't give you more than you can handle"?  Well, I'm here to tell ya' that it ain't true.  That's right.  I do NOT believe that God won't ever give us more than we can bear, more than we can take.  On the contrary, I think when God is really working in us and through us, we will constantly be faced with more than we feel that we can take.  Sometimes Friends, it is just.too.much.

Yesterday was one of those days.  We took our first family photo without our Beloved Ellie Kate.  How do you prepare emotionally for something like this?  I surely do not know.  We took two cars "out to the country", where we met our precious friend and photographer, Holly Hall.  The entire way there, Henry was talking about Ellie Kate.  I know it was weighing on his heart to know that she wouldn't be in the picture, even if he couldn't put that in words.  

I didn't have much time to mourn Ellie not being with us because Henry was acting so terribly.  Really and truly, it is probably the WORST I have ever seen him act.  I think his heart was overwhelmed and he didn't know why, so he acted out and disobeyed.  I have no idea how Holly was able to get ANY sort of good pictures, but she sure pulled it off.  Yep, she's a miracle worker.  

Isn't it lovely?  And this is just a sneak peek!  Friends, One is so obviously missing to me.  Ellie Kate is missing.  For a moment last night, during Henry's screaming, I imagined EK hoping around in the grass, laughing and enjoying the crisp air.  I guess it was good that I couldn't let my mind wander for too long, as Henry needed me.  

When we got home last night, I had a few moments to myself to break-down.  I stayed in the shower for a long time, weeping.  I walked to Ellie's closet where her clothes still hang, and I smelled her shirts.  They no longer smell like her.  With every one of those little outfits comes a precious memory - a memory of her wearing those clothes on a particular day or for a specific event.  It's just such a precious thing.  I picked out a shirt of Ellie's and held it all night as I cried.  I'm just being real folks, because the Church needs to know what real hurt is like. 

This morning, I literally woke up with my heart hurting.  I do have some cardiac issues going on, so it didn't surprise me too much to feel that heaviness on my chest.  It's more than anxiety or fear.  It is true pain, true pressure.  It's too much.  And that is why I KNOW, without a shadow of a doubt, that God has truly given me more than I can handle with the death of my Daughter.  If it wasn't too much, then I wouldn't run to Him.  Does that make sense?  

Do you have something in your life - a hurt, a constant struggle, a terrible memory, that just seems too much?  Run to Jesus.  Run to Jesus.  Run to Jesus.  That, Dear Ones, is what we are supposed to do with our heartache.  That's how God has made us - to NEED Him.  Cast your cares on Him [1 Peter 5:7]. Throw those cares to Him, throw them at Him - He can take it. Surrender them to Him as a holy sacrifice. Just give them to Him, Friends.  It's all we can do and it's the way to freedom, the way to comfort, the way to healing.  It is THE ONLY way to break-free of our hurting hearts; it's the only comfort and hope that we have.  

I am not happy that Ellie Kate is no longer here on earth with me.  I wrestle with the Lord about it every single day. However, I am grateful for the way God is using this to cause my need for Him to grow.  Would I so desperately need Him for every breath if it weren't for the heartache?

 The broken heart I have (physical, spiritual, emotional) has no hope apart from my Lord and Savior.  I give Him my broken heart at this moment, and I will give it to Him again in a few minutes when my heart gives way for the millionth time.  I will continue to do it because HE IS MY HOPE, and He alone is yours.  If He isn't your only hope, Sweet Ones - If you don't know Jesus as your Lord and Savior, ask Him in.  Ask Him to save you from this lost and hurting world.  Ask Him to save you from seperation from Him in eternity.  Ask Him to be your Lord - the ruler of your life.  It is FREEDOM, not rules or shackles.  HE is FREEDOM.  

Psalm 102: Hear my prayer, O LORD; or  let my cry come to you! 2 Do not hide your face from me in the day of my distress! Incline your ear to me; answer me speedily in the day when I call! 3 For my days pass away like smoke, and my bones burn like a furnace. 4 My heart is struck down like grass and has withered; I forget to eat my bread. 5 Because of my loud groaning my bones cling to my flesh. 6 I am like a desert owl of the wilderness, like an owl of the waste places; 7 I lie awake; I am like a lonely sparrow on the housetop.  11 My days are like an evening shadow; I wither away like grass. 12 But you, O LORD, are enthroned forever; you are remembered throughout all generations. 13 You will arise and have pity on Zion; it is the time to favor her; the appointed time has come. 14 For your servants hold her stones dear and have pity on her dust. 15 Nations will fear the name of the LORD, and all the kings of the earth will fear your glory. 16 For the LORD builds up Zion; he appears in his glory; 17 he regards the prayer of the destitute and does not despise their prayer. 18 Let this be recorded for a generation to come, so that a people yet to be created may praise the LORD: 19 that he looked down from his holy height; from heaven the LORD looked at the earth, 20 to hear the groans of the prisoners, to set free those who were doomed to die, 21 that they may declare in Zion the name of the LORD, and in Jerusalem his praise, 22 when peoples gather together, and kingdoms, to worship the LORD.23 

 Psalm 109:21 But you, O Sovereign LORD, deal well with me for your name's sake; out of the goodness of your love,deliver me. 22 For I am poor and needy, and my heart is wounded within me. 23 I fade away like an evening shadow; I am shaken off like a locust. 24 My knees give way from fasting; my body is thin and gaunt. 25 I am an object of scorn to my accusers; when they see me, they shake their heads. 26 Help me, O LORD my God; save me in accordance with your love. 27 Let them know that it is your hand, that you, O LORD, have done it. 28 They may curse, but you will bless; when they attack they will be put to shame, but your servant will rejoice. 29 My accusers will be clothed with disgrace and wrapped in shame as in a cloak. 30 With my mouth I will greatly extol the LORD; in the great throng I will praise him. 31 For he stands at the right hand of the needy one, to save his life from those who condemn him.

Ryan