Momma and Baby

Last Wednesday afternoon, I received a text and a phone call . . . my Daddy was taking Momma back to the ER, to the CLOSEST ER, to be exact.  He thought he could get her faster if he jumped in the car and drove her himself, instead of calling 911.  She was breathing just fine, but was incoherent and dizzy, and also extremely sick to her stomach.


After a very long night, Mom was admitted back to the ICU, but this time she is in a different hospital.  She has had assistance breathing, but has not been on the ventilator - a HUGE praise!  At this time, mom is in a regular room and is physically doing much better; she is stable as far as her numbers are concerned.  However, she is unable to eat because she is unable to respond to simple questions and commands.  She doesn't know what year it is.  She gets confused on where she is, constantly asking where she is and why she is there.  She doesn't recognize my sister and myself at times, but consistently does recognize my Daddy.  She cries out and moans in pain.  She has an NG tube that is constantly sucking green bile from her stomach (there is so much - we just don't know why it keeps producing).  She is on fluids but isn't getting any medications except for those that will help her anxiety and nausea.


I want to make some things clear about my Momma and all that has transpired . . . NONE of this has been caused because of an overdose of any kind.  What DID happen was that she was sent by her PCP to a new pain doctor.  This doctor didn't seem to pay close attention to what she was taking for other ailments and didn't seem to pay close attention to the large amount of medication he prescribed her.  He also didn't seem to think through any possible interactions of with current medications my mother was on.  So, on the second day of my mom taking the medications this new pain doctor gave her; when she was taking the medications EXACTLY as she was told to take them, it caused what appeared to be a severe reaction/interaction AND on top of that, mom had too much of the medication in her system, per her doctor's instructions.  This has been verified by all involved and there is absolutely NO questions of negligence or harm on the part of my Sweet Momma.  She was absolutely doing what she was told.  It was absolutely the fault of the new doctor (and in our family's opinion, the fault of all involved).  This was immediate apparent to the ER physicians and nurses who commented on the doses Mom was on, and thus a lawyer was contacted and now has taken over our case.  Thankfully, he is taking great care of my Mom and Dad.  We would love continued prayers for wisdom and guidance for this attorney!


This second hospitalization DOES indeed have something to do with the initial one, unfortunately.  When Momma was at St Anthony's they took her off ALL medications, even those she had been on for over 30 years.  They wanted to start fresh and clean, which sounded wonderful to us - it sounded like the best thing to do for mom. We hoped the delusions and other impairments Momma faced there were because she was coming off of those medications that had been in her system for so long.  When Mom was discharged from St. Anthony's hospital this past Monday, they went ahead and put her back on most of those same medications again (I didn't know this until recently).  This included the two medications that new doctor had put her on, except that the doses were much, much lower.  They wanted to wait for her to seen an internist to change everything appropriately.  I am SO angered at this, you guys.  Maybe it was the right thing, but it just doesn't feel right to me.  I wasn't there and I didn't speak with the doctors that day - My Daddy did and I know he too only wants what is best.  And we seem to naturally just trust doctors and what they say and what they tell us to do, because, well . . . they are DOCTORS.  We think they are smarter than us and more equipped, and in most cases, I am sure that is the truth.  But they aren't always right - we've learned that for sure.  They aren't always right only because they also are human, just like you and just like me!  That's why they call it the "practice of medicine" (as Michael so often reminds me).  They are just doing what they think is best and sometimes (not all the time) there are doctors who don't pay enough attention, there are doctors who discharge too early, there are doctors who don't put in enough time to make sure things are all settled before they send the patient home.  I'm scared this is what happened with Mom's last hospitalization.

I'm not sure how Momma will be from here on out.  I don't know if she will get better.  I don't know if we will get our Nunnie back, and that breaks my heart.  I hate that Mom feels so paranoid and confused.  We covet your prayers and love for my parents during this time, that is for sure!

On a MUCH happier note, I'm feeling more at peace than I have in a very long time.  God has given me great patience with life.  He's been calling us to simplify (me specifically), so I've taken a break from leading Hope Link and I've stopped trying to do Plexus and Rodan and Fields.  It was CLEAR that God wanted my attention and didn't want me striving to do those "good" things right now.  Sometimes we must let go of doing the "good" in order to taste the abundant greatness the Lord has to offer!

In all of that, God has continued to deepen our desire for another baby.  We won't be having any other biological children.  It's impossible for us to do that any longer and it's just too scary, knowing that one out of EACH of our pregnancies could result in NKH.  We believe God is calling us to adoption - the adoption of a newborn baby girl.

We don't know God's timing.  We don't know if this little girl will come to us soon or if it will be a while before God allows her to come into our lives.  He has shown us SO many signs in the physical AND spiritual, and we have no doubts that this is what He is leading us to.  We just don't know when, but we are eagerly placing that all in His hands.  We don't want ANYTHING that is NOT from Him, and I mean that with my whole heart.

As we sat to dinner last night, Mike and I both felt like someone was missing.  It wasn't Ellie Kate though, as oddly as that sounds.  We were missing a little baby!  It's strange how we both felt it, but it's just like God to do that and to unify us in our feelings and desires.  We DO know that God will bring us a baby by "word of mouth" and that we won't be going through an agency (unless God changes our hearts).  We believe this won't be a stressful thing, but a beautiful, natural thing from God.  We wanted to share this today so that you can put the word out, if the Spirit so leads:).

For six days last week, we were able to take care of a precious, gorgeous little baby who lives at the Oklahoma Baptist Children's Home with her mommy and big brother.  This little one doesn't need a home - she a one and her mom is working hard to make an even better one for her and for her brother.  It was just so precious to see our family open up to that Little One, who came in a stranger and left part of our family.  The boys adored her and have been asking since about adopting a little girl!  They still have some mixed feelings, but overall, they were smitten with the One and with the thought of a baby who can "do things" and who isn't "NKH", as Henry so kindly states.  I'm so grateful for that time with this baby, the time which showed us that it WAS possible for us to have FOUR children again and to be happy and joyful - it showed us we could do it, and happily!  It made us even more excited to see what God has in store.

I was able to talk a bit about this with my Momma on Tuesday, when she was back to being more of herself and when she was quite coherent, sitting here on our couch, in our home.  She was so excited at the though of another life (cautiously so, as we all need to be - there is so much that goes into it).  She and Dad prayed over me about it (everyone else was at school and work).  It was precious to hear them pray out loud about this desire God has so deeply laid on my heart.  I don't know why the burning is getting stronger, but it is.  I am grateful to have life and love to look forward to in this rough season of death and of the unknown with my Momma.  I know my Mom would feel that way for me too - Joy in the midst of sorrow.

God IS faithful, even when we are not.  I think He we see Him the most faithful then!  Not that He changes, but WE change during our desperate times of needing him.  When we are most desperate, we see Him most at work.  When you are desperate, IF you are desperate today . . . call out to Him!  Surrender to Him.  It is a constant surrender, a constant giving-over to the Lord.  I promise you though, it's so worth it, Friends.  This is the Life we are called to as Humans and as Believers - a life of complete surrender!  Surrender of our hopes and dreams, surrender of our health, our family, our jobs, our talents, our riches, our burdens, our weaknesses, EVERYTHING.  Give it to Him today and watch Him step in and work.  He alone is faithful!

Ryan

I Thess. 5:24 - "He who calls you is faithful; He will surely do it" (ESV)