Is it Really Over?

It's another new year, and I have to tell you that this Christmas Season, this past Month of Reckless Love, sped by like the train on The Hunger Games, faster even than The Polar Express.  I felt like I barely saw what was going past me, unable to take it all in before we were on to another event or celebration.  I hate it when life goes by that fast. I'm the kind of person who loves to relish in every last moment of tradition and the time I have with my loved ones, and yet this year it was all over in an instant.

Maybe it's because this was our first actual Christmas to celebrate at home without Ellie Kate (we spent last year out of town).  We had to decide what traditions we wanted to make as a family (did I mention I am big on traditions?).  I have to admit, there were some dark times near Ellie's Heaven Day, as we poured our hearts to the Father.  Truly, groanings too deep for words.  At one point I begged Mike to never let us stay in the house during that particular time again.  Reliving those last suffering hours of agony . . . it's all too real, vivid and heartbreaking.

On Ellie's Heaven Day, the day she was set free from this broken world, I awoke a bit weary, although choosing to rejoice in the fact that my Daughter was healed.  I walked past the front door, and something caught my eye.  I opened the door and I was stunned to see pink balloons covering our lawn.  Someone had done this to honor Ellie's Heaven Day!  They wanted us to know that they remembered, and when I saw those balloons that morning, I nearly fell to my knees.  I kept saying, "Oh Father! Oh, Father! Thank you!".  I cannot tell you how beautiful it was!  To me it represented Ellie's spirit rising to see her Savior.  Later I found out that this grand gesture was done by a beautiful friend who knows the pain of child-loss.  Knowing this gift came from her makes it that much sweeter.  You will never know how much simply "remembering" means to the one who has lossed.  Thank you so much to everyone who remembered Our Girl on the 23rd!  My heart was NOT in despair, as some would think, because God encouraged me through YOU!  Each text, each call, email, post reminded me that Jesus was with me and that He used Ellie Kate in the life of the person who had just contacted me. It was such a beautiful thing.  

Truly one of the most beautiful sites I have ever beheld

Friends, we DID have a wonderful Christmas.  We DID make new traditions like going out to breakfast the morning of Ellie's Heaven Day. We had unexpected goodies and handmade gifts that were delivered.  Christmas cards covered our walls. It was joyful, precious and exciting, just the way Christmas is supposed to be.  The sting of death hangs over in every situation, but that sting becomes less and less intense, and for that I am so grateful.

This year, we celebrated with friends and family from both sides.  I love that Henry, Lucy and Conner were able to spend so much time with their aunts, uncles, cousins, and grandparents.  How healing that must be for their hearts and how safe they must feel being surrounded by people who understand them and their unusual lives!

Lucy loved her time with Aunt Liz and Aunt Jen

Bowling with Cousins!  Aimmee, Conner, Scott, Emalee, 

Gabe, Henry and Lucy (Matthew, Andrew, Molly had to make an early exit due to the flu)

Precious time with Aunt Rachael, Nunnie, Poppie, Aunt Charla, Uncle Tyler and of course, Liam and Teagan!

We were showered with the most wonderful gifts from some very special people, some of whom we have never met.  Mike and I truly enjoy telling our children that their gifts truly ARE from Jesus.  He loves them the same no matter what they do, but sometimes He decides to give extra special gifts to remind us that we are truly loved.  And those tangible gifts sure showed us the faithfulness of our Father-God this year.  If you were a part of that giving-group, thank you so much.

Our Gift to the Kids: "Scout", a chocolate cocker spaniel puppy (they are obviously in love)

Lucy received a "Tinker Bell" doll that looks just like her! 

 She also got an entire box of "blees" (her lovies)!

I want to tell you so much!  What God has revealed to me in the last week and where He is now holding my heart.  I promise to post more about that and about the New Year and new beginnings in my next post.  I will leave you with my most favorite set of photos of Lucy this Christmas.  She truly enjoyed the time spent with her family and had a blast opening gifts!  She knew what was going on.  Her eyes had been opened and the Lord let a switch be turned on in her little mind - she was more aware this Christmas than ever.  And that awareness, that joy, that excitement, is what I am feeling about this next year because of what GOD has done. 

 With Joy - Ryan

Christ's enlightenment, joy and excitement 

to you in the New Year!