Unexpected Diagnoses

Mike and I thought that we were pretty much done with diagnoses.  I mean, our girls were given several of them, and I guess we just assumed that all of the "real" health issues would stem from them for the rest of our lives.  Sure, we'd have a stomach bug here and there, and asthma (Mike and Henry), broken bones, and maybe even some bad feet (me), and glasses (pretty much all of us).  But that stuff is just "normal", everyday stuff. 

This past summer, each of the boys received their own diagnoses.  Since Lucy and Ellie's medical issues were all physical, I didn't think that much about the behavioral and mental diagnoses that mostly stemmed from what the boys had experienced living . . . well, living the way we do, with lots of hospital stays, looming death, memories of Sister in Heaven, etc.  I knew their problems were serious, but I thought that surely meds would be an easy fix.  After all, we had tried every type of therapy and counseling there was! 

Now I am learning that behavioral and mental issues are SO much harder to take care of than I EVER could have dreamed!  And many times, they are harder to deal with than physical issues, such as a broken arm.  When a child looks "normal" or typical, you expect them to act that way, but that doesn't always happen.  And parents can't always control behavior in their children.  And just because your children have these diagnoses, even though they may act out, even though they are hurting in their minds and in their hearts . . . that doesn't, in ANY WAY, mean that they are parented in a bad way or that their parents are neglecting them or not addressing their health issues.

I hurt for my boys as we try new meds and new approaches (especially with Henry, who struggles with missing EK every day).  I had no idea how much Ellie's death would affect them, although I did know it would make a huge impact.  I had no idea what stresses this life would place on them as little men.  But, GOD DID.  And I will choose to trust that even when I don't understand it and when I get super frustrated with it.  I also have a whole new perspective and respect for parents who deal with similar issues with their own precious children.  It's tough, ya'll.  Do not judge, that is for sure! 

As you know, my health has declined since Ellie Kate when to Heaven too.  Most of the things I dealt with before her death were things brought on by stress, like migraines.  After Ellie died, I started taking better care of myself and going to my own doctors to get things checked out.  It's been a very, VERY long process and sadly, my health has continued to decline. 

This past summer I was diagnosed with two autoimmune disorders.  Yep.  It has all caught up to me, including high blood pressure. This new disease I am dealing with is super tough, and it is really painful.  It keeps me in bed in incredible pain.  It makes me forget things, and there is no cure.  It's taken a while to sink in, but I'm realizing that this particular disease is bigger than I initially thought.  And it will affect me everyday, which means it will affect my family everyday, and that part isn't fun.  It also is costing us so much money - especially since this is really unexpected.  Tests, blood work, meds, appts, etc happening on a regular basis . . . well, it all adds up super quickly.  But, I KNOW that God will provide.  He knows all about these diseases and understands the ins and outs of them all.  He's going to take care of me and I will choose to trust that. 

The thing I do know is that God has been faithful and after much searching, I finally have found the right doctor to help with this particular disease.  And, God has led me to a precious, precious girlfriend who has ALL of the same autoimmune diseases that I do!  We have so many similarities, and it's just so sweet of the Lord to put us together for such a time as this.  I couldn't make it through this without the help of my friend, whom the Lord has used in so many ways physically, mentally and spiritually.  I also have other great doctors on board, which I am just forever grateful for.  I'm so used to pushing and advocating for The Girls; it's a whole new ballgame when I'm doing it for myself! 

Anyways, these diagnoses are on my heart tonight because they've all really affected our family today.  Would you pray for healing?  Would you pray for direction and discernment?  Please pray especially for the boys and their tender hearts.  Mike and I so desperately want to parent them well!  Thank you, Dear Friends, for staying with us for so long, through the good and the bad.  Your faithfulness is a healing balm to our hearts.

Ryan