Labor Day Special on aisle Seven. Clean Up on aisle Four. And other fun things of note and merriment.

Hello Ryan's friends and such.  This is Ryan's annoying husband and lesser-half.  Recently Ryan posted on facebook about some frustrating medical situations we're experiencing, specifically revolving around insurance and Medicaid denials.  As a result of that facebook post, we've had several friends suggest we start a "GoFundMe.com" account.  Before we could discuss whether we would or would not, a close friend of ours (Ellie Kate's and Lucy's home nurse(Mindy)) decided it was a good idea and started one on our behalf.  We are humbled by the incredible response this has already received.  We are used to helping others and having people help us always places us in that awkward-receiving-posture.

Thank you to all of those that have viewed the GoFundMe.com page.  And thank you to all of those that have contributed.  We really, Really, REALLY appreciate the love and support of everyone.  Even those that just send us funny pictures and joke emails and such.  Those are equally awesome as well.

Well, I;m not good at ending Blog posts, so ... Oh, wait, below is the link to the GoFundMe.com page that Mindy created.  Have a wonderful Labor Day and remember to take it easy on all those workers that don't have the day off from work.  Remember You Never Walk Alone, so stay classy and ... I'll stop with the cliche's and let you have your life back.

http://www.gofundme.com/dqq62w

Unexpected Diagnoses

Mike and I thought that we were pretty much done with diagnoses.  I mean, our girls were given several of them, and I guess we just assumed that all of the "real" health issues would stem from them for the rest of our lives.  Sure, we'd have a stomach bug here and there, and asthma (Mike and Henry), broken bones, and maybe even some bad feet (me), and glasses (pretty much all of us).  But that stuff is just "normal", everyday stuff. 

This past summer, each of the boys received their own diagnoses.  Since Lucy and Ellie's medical issues were all physical, I didn't think that much about the behavioral and mental diagnoses that mostly stemmed from what the boys had experienced living . . . well, living the way we do, with lots of hospital stays, looming death, memories of Sister in Heaven, etc.  I knew their problems were serious, but I thought that surely meds would be an easy fix.  After all, we had tried every type of therapy and counseling there was! 

Now I am learning that behavioral and mental issues are SO much harder to take care of than I EVER could have dreamed!  And many times, they are harder to deal with than physical issues, such as a broken arm.  When a child looks "normal" or typical, you expect them to act that way, but that doesn't always happen.  And parents can't always control behavior in their children.  And just because your children have these diagnoses, even though they may act out, even though they are hurting in their minds and in their hearts . . . that doesn't, in ANY WAY, mean that they are parented in a bad way or that their parents are neglecting them or not addressing their health issues.

I hurt for my boys as we try new meds and new approaches (especially with Henry, who struggles with missing EK every day).  I had no idea how much Ellie's death would affect them, although I did know it would make a huge impact.  I had no idea what stresses this life would place on them as little men.  But, GOD DID.  And I will choose to trust that even when I don't understand it and when I get super frustrated with it.  I also have a whole new perspective and respect for parents who deal with similar issues with their own precious children.  It's tough, ya'll.  Do not judge, that is for sure! 

As you know, my health has declined since Ellie Kate when to Heaven too.  Most of the things I dealt with before her death were things brought on by stress, like migraines.  After Ellie died, I started taking better care of myself and going to my own doctors to get things checked out.  It's been a very, VERY long process and sadly, my health has continued to decline. 

This past summer I was diagnosed with two autoimmune disorders.  Yep.  It has all caught up to me, including high blood pressure. This new disease I am dealing with is super tough, and it is really painful.  It keeps me in bed in incredible pain.  It makes me forget things, and there is no cure.  It's taken a while to sink in, but I'm realizing that this particular disease is bigger than I initially thought.  And it will affect me everyday, which means it will affect my family everyday, and that part isn't fun.  It also is costing us so much money - especially since this is really unexpected.  Tests, blood work, meds, appts, etc happening on a regular basis . . . well, it all adds up super quickly.  But, I KNOW that God will provide.  He knows all about these diseases and understands the ins and outs of them all.  He's going to take care of me and I will choose to trust that. 

The thing I do know is that God has been faithful and after much searching, I finally have found the right doctor to help with this particular disease.  And, God has led me to a precious, precious girlfriend who has ALL of the same autoimmune diseases that I do!  We have so many similarities, and it's just so sweet of the Lord to put us together for such a time as this.  I couldn't make it through this without the help of my friend, whom the Lord has used in so many ways physically, mentally and spiritually.  I also have other great doctors on board, which I am just forever grateful for.  I'm so used to pushing and advocating for The Girls; it's a whole new ballgame when I'm doing it for myself! 

Anyways, these diagnoses are on my heart tonight because they've all really affected our family today.  Would you pray for healing?  Would you pray for direction and discernment?  Please pray especially for the boys and their tender hearts.  Mike and I so desperately want to parent them well!  Thank you, Dear Friends, for staying with us for so long, through the good and the bad.  Your faithfulness is a healing balm to our hearts.

Ryan

You Are Good - On Display for All to See

On Saturday, Mike and I went down to McKinney, Texas to celebrate Makenna Johnson's life with her family.  We were excited to go, to see our friends, to celebrate this sweet life.  Everything looked darling thanks to Miss Allie Lees, who was Makenna's in-home respite worker for several years.  Blue was the main color because of the blue in Makenna's eyes - they were a stunning color of blue. Giraffes were given to inspire hope and light - things that Makenna embodied even though she never spoke (giraffes are her favorite).  Banana Pudding was served because that was Kenna's favorite food (Mike had several helpings of that yummy goodness). 

The service was so special.  We had a full-on worship service, and several times I truly forgot that we were at a funeral.  To most people, funerals are sad and somber.  You usually don't see family and friends raising their hands in worship to their Faithful God, worshiping through the pain.  But yesterday, I witnessed just that and I was humbled to be able to participate. 

Mike and I sat with our friends, Amy and Scott Haas (and baby Hartley).  Amy and I founded Hope Link because we felt alone and we knew other families with sick children did too.  Leading Hope Link means walking through hard things like incredible sickness and death with our friends, and Amy and I have been to several little funerals together.  And though the Johnsons aren't technically part of Hope Link (since they live in Texas), they are an inspiration to us and to the Hope Link ministry.  More than that, they are family to us - both to the Haas's and McLaughlins'.  Personally, being a part of Makenna's Life Celebration yesterday reminded me of the beautiful ministry that He has so graciously bestowed upon us. 

It's funny and strange and complicated . . . Amy and I sat in that beautiful place admiring all of the decorations.  I won't speak for Amy, but I definitely kept thinking, "Oh, that is such a cute idea!  I wish we had thought of that!" and "Oh, that table looks so cute - what a great way to honor Makenna!".  I was even admiring Kenna's beautiful casket.  It was gorgeous and I kept wishing we had been able to purchase one like that for Ellie Kate.  I told you, it sounds weird.  Funerals are almost like weddings to us as special-needs moms, and we want to make them beautiful reflections of our daughters.  . 

After the service, we were able to go to the burial with the Johnson family.  What an intimate and precious time.  We were humbled to be asked to join in such a deep, heart-wrenching, precious occasion with every type of emotion bubbling over.  We all ended up at the Johnsons house after it was all said and done, and opened some beverages and ate some food.  We talked and laughed.  We sat and played in Makenna's room with Marlee and Micah (Makenna's brother and sister).  Mike and I admired the equipment the great state of Texas had provided for Makenna.  It was amazing!  We touched Makenna's chairs and her bed.  It was just so sweet.  And I think we all felt this incredibly intimate bond knowing that somewhere, in Heaven, our precious Girls were together playing and dancing before Jesus.  What an incredibly precious thought. 

Our Club - Our Family

 



And then Marianne (Makenna's momma) did something amazing - she wanted to donate a majority of Makenna's supplies to Lucy and to Hope Link!  In the midst of her grief; my goodness - she JUST buried her daughter!  Here she was giving to us and to other families like us, like hers.  It was like Christmas, ya'll - really and truly.  I opened each box with excitement and squealed when I saw things like bajillions of 60mls syringes and sponge tooth-brushes.  What a gift!  And it came from Makenna!  Even as we were loading the car, we were laughing and joking.  It was good for MY heart and I can only guess that it was good for Matt and Marianne on a very hard day. 

We love each other and we love to laugh!

Here's the most important part!!! I didn't want to just tell you about our special day yesterday - I wanted to make sure you walk away from this post with this true fact:  GOD IS GOOD.  That is what was talked about during Makenna's service yesterday.  God is faithful.  He causes ALL THINGS to work together for our good - even sickness, even death, even separation from our loved ones for a while.  He uses it all.  And we can trust that. 

What makes people want to worship the Lord Jesus at a funeral?  What makes a family, including a 12-year-old boy, raise their hands in worship to a God who has allowed their daughter to live a very hard life here on earth?  A God who allowed their daughter to take her last breath in their home, before her tenth birthday?  What makes them, what makes US, want to continue worshiping and trusting the Lord Jesus, is because we KNOW that what He says is true.  We KNOW He is who He says He is - He is the Blessed Controller of All Things.  We KNOW that His love for us never fails, that He reaches us to the "uttermost" and for "always".  We KNOW that we have the promise of eternal life with Jesus in Heaven.  And, we KNOW He causes ALL THINGS to work together for our good, for those who love Christ. 

No matter what you are dealing with, even if you are walking through the Valley of the Shadow of Death, even if you just lost your job, are struggling with a relationship, even if you just buried your daughter . . . You can know in your heart that GOD IS GOOD. 

Thank you, Father for Makenna's life.  Thank you that she is STILL ALIVE and that those of us who have accepted you as Lord and Savior will see her again one day!  Thank you that we can trust you, Lord.  You ARE who you say you are, Father God.  Be with the Johnsons and meet their every need in intimate ways.  Hold them closely - so closely that they can feel it, Lord.  We trust you with our friends and with their hearts.  Let your peace flow freely, God. 

Ryan

On the Move

I feel it so heavy on my heart and fluttering so quickly in my Spirit - this urgency that I cannot explain.  Those who know me know that I can be a little dramatic (that's why you love me, eh?), but I assure you this - I am always genuine in my words (I try my best as humanly possible).  I detest an in-genuine spirit with everything that I am.  If I tell you something or tell you how I feel, I mean it with my whole heart.  This time is no different.  Something is happening, the Spirit of God is stirring, and we need to make a move . . .

Early this morning, Makenna Eden Johnson met Jesus face to face.  I can clearly see Ellie jumping up and down with excitement as she saw Makenna coming into Heaven!  I wonder if they hop around, just for the fun of it, like they did on earth?  I wonder if they play a game of leap-frog?  I know that Makenna is complete and whole and has no remembrance of anything but peace and love.  All that you have prayed and interceded for on our behalf, I ask that do for the Johnson Family.  Their suffering weighs on me. And so the urgency burns in my heart.  Makenna, Jenni; and I've attended eight other little funerals in the last two years alone.  Lord, what are you doing?  Why are you calling some of your Saints home in big numbers? 

I would be a fool not to notice that something significant is taking place.  Is it just me?  After all, I know that God has called me to love those who are dealing with special needs of all kinds, so that means I am around a lot of sick people.  Oh, but it's more than that . . . it's deeper than that, more global. 

Believer and Non-Believer alike.  Open your eyes.  You cannot miss it.  The unrest, the wars and rumors of wars, the beheadings, the sickness, the floods, the fighting, the senseless murders (I am not referring to one single event, but rather to many very recent events that have taken place).  It is more rampant now than ever.  Am I wrong?  I am not - in my lifetime, this is the most volatile time in history. 

Those ten funerals I attended in the last two years - well, I know EXACTLY where ALL of those precious people are.  Their bodies are here on earth but their Spirits are in Heaven with Jesus Christ.  Innocent children dying from sickness and tragedy.  A beautiful believer and sister in Christ.  Their eternity is secure.  PEACE.  Everything we love and enjoy here on earth, only perfected and a million times better than we can possibly imagine! in Heaven  And most importantly, once we are in Heaven, we are with Our Jesus. 

Did you know that God's love for you extends to the "uttermost" and that it is for "always" Hebrews 7:25?  I haven't always understood that, which may come as a surprise to many of you.  Only in the recent years have I come to even get a glimpse of these precious truths.  No matter what you've done or who you've been, God wants you to be His child.  He wants to rescue you.  He wants to give you eternal life in Heaven with him, and He wants to give you abundant life here on earth.  Oh, Believer, this is true for you too!  No matter what your sin is, even after you have given your life to Him, He will go to the uttermost for you and He will always love you the most; His love cannot change. 

This is not a mystical illusion drawn from my physical pain.  This is not a memory of mine or a fantasy that I cling to in times of trouble.  It's not a fairytale that I've grown up with (quite the opposite).  This is truth:  That God sent His Only Son, Jesus Christ, to live here on earth and experience full life as a complete human.  Jesus chose to suffer and die for you, taking your sins and your punishment upon the cross.  Your sins died with Him!  He rose again on the third day to show us that Life conquers Death every.single.time.  God is greater.  God is stronger.  God is bigger.  God is GREATER, My Friends. 

Do you know where you will spend eternity?  Oh, My Dear Friend, I want you to know.  I want you to know because let me tell you, life does NOT go as planned (I'm sure the families of all of those ten precious lives will gladly share that with you firsthand).  Go to God. Run to Him.  Cry out to Jesus like never before, Sweet One! 

Like never before, we must be ready.  Our hearts must be ready.  Stop posting on FB and Pintrest and all of the other things and places and internets, and yada, yada, yada (talking to myself here too).  Stop shopping for back-to-school clothes and thinking about what you are going to wear at that first school event.  STOP.  Let us not be like those mentioned in Ezekial.  Let us love boldly and graciously those around us - love them recklessly and serve the Lord.  Nothing else matters. 

Ezekiel 16:49 (ESV)

⁴⁹ Behold, this was the guilt of your sister Sodom: she and her daughters had pride, excess of food, and prosperous ease, but did not aid the poor and needy.

I'M RAMBLING AGAIN!  Bottom line:

• Something is happening and the Spirit of God is on the move; be open to it
• Believer, stop what you are doing and listen to your Father
• Believer, stop what you are doing and recklessly love the World around you.  RECKLESSLY LOVE.
• Friend, make sure you know where you will spend eternity.  It's the most important decision you can make and you can't make it lightly.

Something is Coming and Changing . . . The Spirit of God is moving . . . Let us call out together, in one loud voice, "Come quickly, Lord Jesus"!  Let it be! 

Makenna

Well, I could sit and tell you about the boys' first day of the first and fifth grade.  I could also tell you about the wonderful support we've seen through the "NKH Ice Bucket Challenge" that we started yesterday to raise money for NKH Crusaders .  But, that's not where my heart is tonight . . .

"He does not fear bad news, nor live in dread of what may happen.  For he is settled in his mind that JEHOVAH will take care of him.  Psalm 112:7

My friend Jenni Kufahl gave this verse to me, framed.  Someone had given it to her and she did the same for me.  She told me to put my name in the verse, and I did and I have, and I will continue to do so.  I did today because sometimes it's all you can do - to capture your thoughts; to remind your self that the GOD of the Universe is aware and in charge of every detail of every circumstance of your life.  Sometimes we have to choose to settle our minds on the LORD, on our Jehovah, who will take care of him.  I thought of this very thing as I visited "Jenni's Spot" briefly while Lucy and I went to visit Ellie Kate's Spot (my mommy-heart longed to be with the earthly body of my daughter today). 

I guess I'm rambling - Mike keeps telling me that pain will make you do that, and I am in immense pain physically and my heart also hurts.  In particularly, I'm burdened for Makenna Johnson's family.  Makenna is Ellie Kate's "hopping" friend, and although Makenna and EK have very different diagnoses, they have acted very much the same.  Makenna went on hospice the same time that Jenni did, and now it looks like Jesus is calling Makenna home. 

Can you imagine the excitement that little girl must be feeling?  Can she hear her Father calling to her, reaching out, telling her to come Home?  Can she already get a glimpse of where she is going?  Are the saints cheering her on as she drifts in and out of consciousness?  I don't know. 

But I do know a few things:

1.  Makenna is going to spend eternity with Jesus Christ, the Father and the Holy Spirit.  Her eternity is secure.

2.  Makenna's body will soon be perfected; no more tears, no more pain, no more sickness

3.  Makenna is not fearing the bad news (or what may seem bad to those who will be left on earth); she knows where she is going!  Her angels are around her singing even now!

4.  Makenna's family is hurting as they truly walk through the Shadow of the Valley of Death - it is an impossible, treacherous, gut-wrenching, breath-taking walk that no one wants to face, and yet - God calls us to go there and to walk through it.  And He is there with Marianne and Matt and Marlee and Micah - Makenna's family.  He is with them. 

5.  Jesus will still be Lord tomorrow, and tonight and in the next moment.  Jesus will be the same loving, tender, gracious, all-knowing, all-powerful, healing God that He has always been - no matter what happens to Kenna, no matter when. 

And a few other things I know . . . the Johnsons will still trust Jesus no matter what.  And they will be loved and supported by the McLaughlins and by the Haas family, and by many more who love them. 

And I also know that there are two beautiful little girls - one with blonde hair and one with brown curly hair, who are waiting for Makenna at the gates of Heaven; they are peeking over the edge on their sweet little tip toes, wriggling with excitement that their friend is coming Home to be whole and complete!  Lily Audrey Haas and Elizabeth Kathleen McLaughlin will be jumping for joy for you when you arrive, Kenna! 

An Unexpected Fight

If you had told me 25 years ago that I would be advocating for medical marijuana in the state of Oklahoma and throughout the United States, I would have told you that you were crazy.  Heck, if you had told me ten years ago that I would be advocating for this, I would have thought you were nuts!  But, that was before I had a daughter born with an intractable, terminal genetic disorder.  

NKH has changed me in many ways - it has stretched me in my faith and has rocked everything I've believed and everything I've stood for.  And, it has opened my eyes to the world of suffering right here in our own communities.  Beautiful individuals, young and old, are truly suffering from severe medical issues. Right here.  Right in front of us.  Right next door to us.  In our churches, in the grocery store, in the doctor's office.   Epilepsy happens to be one of those things, and both of my daughters were born with it.

Lucy's 8pm Meds

Epilepsy comes along with NKH, and in our girls it has caused apnea (failure to breathe), severe brain damage, significant development delays, and a host of other issues that cause pain and chaos in their little bodies. Because of her brain damage, Lucy doesn't walk, talk or crawl.  She doesn't eat by mouth. She cannot use sign-language. And although Lucy is a very happy little girl with a full life, she is currently on four anti-seizure medications (not to mention her five additional NKH meds).  FOUR, people.  The picture is just a taste of what Lucy takes at 8pm every night.  She takes similar amounts of meds at 12am, 8am, 2pm and again at 8pm.  She also has seizure rescue meds.  Lucy needs these meds to live and to keep her seizures at bay; to keep her body and muscles relaxed. But, there are other things that could possibly help Lucy and her seizures and some of her other NKH issues.  Medical marijuana is helping our friends.  Several have moved to Colorado.  Some so desperately want to help their children that they are using forms of MMJ in our state at this time.  Forms of medical marijuana could help My Daughter.  

I'm not here to ask you to advocate the legalization of all marijuana.  What I am asking you to do is to open your eyes, your heart and mind to the thought of medical marijuana with low THC (the component that makes one high) being legalized for the benefits of those who truly need it.  There are many people who can benefit from products such as Charlotte's Web , which is helping Children across the country - children with epilepsy, children with cerebral palsy, and children with many other disorders and diseases.  Take the time to click on that link and learn more about Charlotte's Web!  

Before Charlotte's Web Treatments

After Charlotte's Web Treatments

Before Charlotte's Web Treatments

After Charlotte's Web Treatments

Here's the thing: the kind of marijuana I am advocating for does NOT get a person "high".  It is low in THC.  Again, those who use it are NOT getting their children "high".  What I am advocating for is THCA which has neuroprotective agents; it has shown to be an anti-inflammatory and anti-spasmodic.  It also has it's own anti-proliferative qualities that inhibit cancer growth (as some studies have shown).

For my Oklahoma friends, I am specifically, asking you to support putting medical marijuana on the ballot here in the state of Oklahoma this November.  The ONLY way to do that is to sign a petition that is available at many locations throughout the state.  The petition MUST BE SIGNED ASAP as the signatures are due THIS FRIDAY, August 15th.  To find a place to sign the petition to put this on the ballot, go to Oklahomans for Health.

If you want more information and details, I strongly suggest taking a look at this CNN documetary.  It's a great source of information from the perspective of a medical professional:  CNN Weed 2. You can also find some incredible information from The Realm of Caring which is helping patients even now!

This plant is something natural - something that God created.  It has elements that are helping adults and even children like mine.  Please pray and consider signing the petition and advocating for this specialized treatment.  Time is running out and it's important that we put this on the ballot this November!  

He Gives and Takes Away

"The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; 

blessed be the name of the Lord.” Job 1:21

Me, Holly Hall and Jenni after a night of prayer

Today, my friend Jenni Kufahl met Jesus face-to-face.  God fulfilled the promises He had given to Jenni and to her family; it just didn't look the way we had all hoped.  God is faithful, and in times like these I can only cling to the things that I KNOW to be true; the things that God's Word tells me are true.  I am trusting that He is who is says He is - that He is the Blessed Controller of All Things (I Tim.6:15).

My heart does not hurt for Jenni.  Jenni is healed and whole and she has completed all that God had planned for her to accomplish on this earth!  She is spending eternity with her Father.  I do not pray for Jenni any longer because she is complete.  But, my heart cries out for her family as I imagine what they may be facing.  And to Jenni's momma, my Coach, my heart bleeds because I know the pain. I too have watched my daughter come into the world and leave this world, and it is sometimes too much for one to bear.

I keep thinking of my favorite memory of Jenni as we were brought together these last few years.  My favorite memory is a sorrowful time - when Jenni, suffering from stage four cancer, came up to the hospital to be with me and with Ellie Kate on Ellie's last day in the hospital.  Jenni sat with me as I cried that day, as they went over instructions on how to care for Ellie's port, which Jenni also had for her chemo.  Jenni helped me carry things down that day.  She went with us through the tunnel the nurses had made for EK, cheering her on as we left.

Jenni took a picture of Ellie and I in front of the big Christmas tree in the lobby of the hospital.  It was the last picture I have of me and a conscious Ellie Kate.  She helped me load Ellie in the van and she even waited in her car to leave until we pulled out.  I hope her family will one day know of this story because Jenni's presence that day meant the world to me.  I knew she was sick.  I knew her own body was failing, and yet she still served, loved and prayed over us.  That was a picture of who Jenni was.  Jenni was like Jesus. 

 And you know what?  God has been faithful.  Jenni would want you to know that.  Even in death, He has been faithful.  I have so many little things that I could share of how He has tied things together in beautiful ways.  I'm sure so many of Jenni's friends feel the same way!  He has brought us all together for such a time as this, and we have been able to witness a great testimony of God's faithfulness through the Merrell's and the Kufahl's.  What a great honor!

Please take the time to watch Jenni's testimony.  I pray the Holy Spirit will move in Jenni's words even now.  I pray that your heart would be moved and that you would be pointed to Christ.  Jenni knew where her eternity would be spent.  She would want you to have that security as well, Friend.  Jesus - The Way, The Truth and The Life.  No one comes to the Father, no one has eternal life, no one has abundant life, apart from Him (John 14:6).

Jenni's Testimony

Thank you, Father for healing Jenni.  Thank you that she is with you and with My Ellie Kate, complete and whole forever! Thank you that we can trust you as the Blessed Controller of All Things.  It won't ever make sense to us here on earth, Father.  We believe; help our unbelief (Mark 9:24).

My Heart's Cry

It's been a full two weeks since I've posted! We've mostly been recovering from all of our back-to-back adventuring, but we've also been catching up with old friends.  What a blessing it is to have friends who have known you in so many seasons of life and yet STILL love you!

This week, The McLaughlin Household has been hit with the tummy bug.  That includes our Fearless Leader and Daddy, Michael who never gets sick.  Lucy only had symptoms for one day, praise the Lord, but she does have a yucky ear infection with plenty of drainage that has come with it (thank the Lord for ear tubes!).  Kind of throws a wrench in our fun weekend and anniversary plans, but you know what?  I'm okay with that. There is so much to be grateful for and so many other people hurting right now, that it truly wouldn't feel right to me and Mike to be out celebrating.

We are mourning - hurting, longing, praying, weeping, and being heart-sick for several people that we love; two families, in particular. I will never pretend to know exactly what one person is feeling. I never want to diminish someone else's hurts or heartaches.  I can only guess, put myself in their situation and draw from the experiences I have had in my lifetime.  These friends are facing ravaging disease.  Hopeless reports from doctors.  Failing bodies.  Future uncertainties.  All of these things I can relate to in some way, and I hate that my friends have to go through such desperate, deep, dark, churning times.

You may remember me posting about Jenni Kufahl, my friend from high school that is so valiantly combating cancer.  Her fight has intensified and the cancer is rearing it's ugly head.  I hurt for My Friend and what she must feel and think physically, mentally and spiritually.  I hurt for her family as I cannot truly comprehend all that they have and are having to face as they continue this intense struggle.  Would you pray for Jenni? Her witness for the Lord Jesus has been so strong.  He has lengthened her life on earth and many have come to know Him because of her life and example.  But, we long to see her healed completely here on earth!

Many of you may also remember posts about Ellie Kate's friend, Makenna Johnson.  Makenna and Ellie Kate had very different diagnosis, and yet their behavior at times was very much the same.  It was SO cute to watch them both "hop" around the room together, get up on their knees to play and just see them interact with each other.  They knew.  And they were friends here on earth.  And now Makenna's body is failing her and she may be seeing Jesus soon, and seeing My Ellie Kate.  Makenna's mom reminded me that Ellie and Makenna will have so much fun running around heaven together - that EK will have to show Kenna around in her new world.  Of course, I don't know all the details of Heaven or what it will exactly be like - I can only hope as a mother would, and go off of Scripture (in other words, please no messages trying to fill me in on what Heaven truly is like and how I'm so off base, thank you).

I hurt for Makenna's parents and my friends, Matt and Marianne because I know what they are about to face.  I hurt for their typical children, Micah and Marlee because I know how hard the death of a sibling can be on a child.  Mike and I have sat this week in silence, deeply thinking, mourning, hurting, crying out on behalf of the Johnson's.

Sometimes you just wish you could take bad stuff away, you know?  Oh Lord, take this cup!  Don't let us have to face it!!  But I know that THIS is where faith comes in.  When you have NOTHING.  When you are in the DARKEST of places, in the Valley of the Shadow of Death - that is where faith comes in.  Faith in knowing that our God causes ALL things to work together for our good according to His purpose.  ALL THINGS - even the things that look and feel and sound bad to us on earth.  He has my best interest at heart as a Believer, and He has my children's best interest at heart too.  I CAN and WILL entrust them to His care, even when I don't want to, even when I don't understand.  He has a bigger plan than I can imagine - a tapestry that I truly do not understand, and that honestly seems to look anything but pretty to me.  But, He is weaving it for His glory and for my good, even now.  Even in the dark.  And you know what?  He's doing the same for my friends because they love the Lord Jesus and have given their lives to Him.

My Heart's Cry tonight is for the earthly life of Jenni Kufahl and the earthly life of Makenna Johnson.  Lord, have mercy.  Extend these precious lives on this earth.  Move even now - tonight - like only YOU can, where only YOU can receive the glory.  It's all too much for us to understand, Father.  Help us, Lord.  We cry out to you.