It's Not Okay to Be Silent

When it comes to tragedy, hurt and loss, silence is NOT golden.  I'm reminded today of how hurtful silence can be during a time in the wilderness - during times of deep mourning.  What I've learned is that silence is like a putting alcohol on a deep, open and gushing wound.  It burns and it stings, and it's also very hard to recover from.  

I must say that we have been abundantly blessed with many, many friends (and even strangers) who daily remind me and my family that we aren't forgotten - that Ellie isn't forgotten.  I have friends who text me daily, those who have prayer groups for me, friends who leave gifts on my doorstep, those who send me a note in the mail, or a picture they found of Ellie Kate, Aunts who send me Scriptures and quotes and let me know that I am prayed for.  And don't even get me started on my parents and how they remind me every second that I am not alone!   

I am grateful to have friends who love me well.  But the reality is, not everyone who is hurting has this.  And, as in our reality, we deal with even family members who fail to reach out or remind us that we are loved, or remembered to tell us that we are thought of.  Oh, how I desperately want this to change, not just for our family, but for the hurting world in which we live!!

Not everyone has the gift of Mercy and Compassion.  It doesn't come natural to everyone!  Not everyone is born a cheerleader or has the gift of Encouragement.  Not everyone knows how to love those who are hurting in practical and real ways.  I fully believe that one of the reasons for our trials is to teach the world around us how to love better, and that's what I want to do tonight in letting you know that it's not okay to be silent.  

Many times, people are silent during grief and loss because they are afraid to hurt those who have suffered loss.  This includes miscarriages, job losses, death of a loved one, lonlieness, surgeries, accidents . . . I could go on and on!  Many times, people understandably avoid talking to those hurting because they don't want to add to their stress.  They think that, if they bring up the subject, the loss, the loved one, it will only trigger more pain and in some way will even hinder the friendship or relationship.  I want to tell you tonight that this is not true.  

You see, the person hurting is already hurting.  Sounds silly, but it is very true.  They are aware of their loss.  If they are like us, it consumes every moment, every thought, every longing, every memory, every dream that they experience.  They already feel the loss, and you saying something will not add to it.  If for some reason it does, that person will let you know.  Their emotions are already raw, and I'm pretty sure they will have no problem asking you to move on from the topic of their heartache.  

Here's the deal: when you are silent, when you avoid the obvious subject and hurt, what you are essentially showing and saying to that person/family is that you don't care.  They see it as you have forgotten about their loved one, about their loss, about their hurt.  They see it as you do not care about what they are going through.  They see it as though your life and troubles (even trivial ones like not being invited to that special party or you chipping a nail) are much more important than the hurt they are living in, which is likely the deepest pain, the darkest time that they have ever faced.  Whether you mean it or not, this is how it comes across, Dear Friends.   

Jesus commands us to live this way, to love recklessly and selflessly.  He tells us to hurt with those who hurt and cry with those who cry (paraphrasing mine).  It's time we put it into practice . . . 

Romans 12:9-16 - "Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. 10 Be devoted to one another in love.Honor one another above yourselves. 11 Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor,serving the Lord. 12 Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. 13 Share with the Lord’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality. 14 Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. 15 Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. 16 Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position.[c] Do not be conceited".

Bottom line: Folks, these days people and even Believers, best friends and family members do not love well.  They love others selfeshly or in ways that are convenient for them (aren't you glad that Jesus love us this way?!).  Often they just plain don't know what to say or do.  The Bible tells us clearly what to do, and I've given you some ideas that God has laid on my heart: 

Let's love well.  Let's love recklessly.  Let's remember those who have passed and love their loved ones in practical ways.  And when in doubt, ask yourself, "How would I want to be treated if I had gone through this?  What would help me if I were in this situation?".  

I can't wait to see what the Lord will do in and through you with these things!!  

With Hope,

Ryan

Lucy "praying" during her class at church today!