Fear and Hesitation

My heart is beating quickly, in anticipation of something big and exciting, although I cannot truly foresee what that might be.  What I HOPE for it to be is the miraculous provision of Henry's IVIG treatment, which will help to cure and calm his PANDAS.  I'm in an expectant place because I know we NEED this; HENRY needs this in order to survive and in order to keep his faculties in check.  He needs this if he wants to become a contributing member of society and I do not say that lightly.  We know God has gifted Henry in multiple ways, ways that can and will bless the world around him but right now, PANDAS suffocates ALL of that.  It steals the good.  It blows thick, heavy smoke over the bright like a heavy, black cloud, preventing Henry from seeing clearly and preventing others from seeing Henry clearly, for who he truly is.  

IVIG and PANDAS (click on purple link for more information)

If you look at Henry from the outside right now, you can see the affects of PANDAS - he has lost weight and is dehydrated because he's afraid to eat or drink certain things (hysterically afraid); this is a newer symptom of his disease.  Henry's skin is pale and weak,  those big, brown eyes of his are sunken-in, with dark circles underneath.  Henry isn't sleeping - PANDAS isn't letting him but rather, it's making his mind go on overload almost all the time.  Last night, Henry showed me a picture of this new item he really wants.  He ended up showing that photo to me 27 times and finally, he apologized and said he "couldn't stop showing it" to me because his "mind keeps telling me to look at it and show it to you".  Imagine having those types of thoughts, especially as a child - uncontrollable thoughts, constant thoughts about the same thing, and those thoughts wake you up in the middle of the night; those thoughts hit you when you are trying to rest or when you just sit down to attempt school work.  He cannot control the invasive thoughts and it's tearing him up.  He's hungry but won't eat, tired but can't sleep, needs to do school work but cannot focus - understandably, all of this causes anger and resentment and all sorts of negative feelings, "WHY CAN'T I JUST FEEL NORMAL?!".

20/20 Story on PANDAS (click on purple link for more info/to watch video)

US News Report on PANDAS (click on purple link for more info/to watch video)

HESITATION: I've hesitated writing this post - I've put it off for so long and although I have posted on Facebook a bit, I still feel as though I'm holding this tightly to my chest, in a corner, slightly hiding from everyone.  I am so tired of asking for help (which I will get to at the end of this post)  I mean that with all of my heart.  Our Journey started in December 2005 and literally since that time, we've been sharing our story with you and you've been supporting us in so many ways - too many to mention, really.  I know many have "compassion fatigue" where our family is concerned and I hate that - I hate that we've driven you to that place of being tired/overwhelmed by the sorrows and needs of others. 

A "SEASON"?:   Yes, this may only be a "season" for us but, it has been an extremely long season, 13 years to be exact, and some of you have been with us from the beginning!  I need you to know, when we married, our goal was to love and serve others - that was our dream.  Our dream was NOT having others love and serve us.  YES, we ALL go through seasons of need and all of us get to a point of being humble and broken, in need of relationship, love, grace, prayers, and more.  I want you to know, I often cry-out to the Lord and wonder WHY our "season" has taken so long, wondering if this "season of need" is meant to cover our entire lives?  I surely hope not, Lord!  I cringe at sharing the deep, the dark, the needs anymore bc of that fear in my heart - fear of causing even MORE compassion fatigue, worried that by sharing again,  others will leave and walk away because it's "too much" or because they are tired of hearing all of the bad.  


TRUTH:  I love having the opportunity to share our Journey with others.  I do NOT like sharing when it seems to always be bad or dark.  However, the Lord reminds me now that I cannot help if this Season He has called us to, the one which He has kept us in for a Divine Purpose, is often full of heartache, loss and need.  I think of Job - I'm sure Job grew weary of his own journey being so "bad"and sad.  I know, part of the very reason of our journey IS indeed, for me to share - I'm to share the good, the bad and the ugly of this special-needs, medically-fragile, child-loss, life of a Believer because the World (and the Christian Community) NEEDS to see this part of life and needs to know how to go and love this people group with the love of Christ.  
So, I will choose to continue to share not only for  our family, but so these groups of people, these special individuals and their families will also be loved well and served, provided for in all sorts of ways, with the reckless love of God, through fellow Believers. 

I choose to believe God has a continued purpose for our continued Journey.

I choose to believe and recall the TRUTH, that God has allowed this Journey, 

He has placed us here for Divine Purposes.  

I choose to share, even if I feel uncomfortable; 

I choose to put-away my earthly fear in order to fulfill His purpose within me.

I choose to remember and cling to the fact that I am not responsible for how others interpret what I share; 

I realize not everyone will always know my heart nor 

always see where I am writing from.  

I choose to believe God will cause ALL 

of my sharing to work for MY good and for HIS Glory. 

I choose to believe God will use ALL interpretations of what I share, for HIS Glory.  

GO FUND ME:  Stepping out with the Lord's confidence, I share with you our Go Fund Me page, which was set up by two dear friends of mine - friends who have physical struggles and diagnoses of their own, yet still wanted to help our family.  Some of you have already seen this page on Facebook.  Please, feel free to share the entire link, however you see fit, with whomever you see fit.  Sharing the page alone will bring awareness to PANDAS and to Henry's struggle.  We know not everyone can give and we certainly don't expect that.  Please, only give and share as the Lord would see fit.  As you can read on the page, there is also a way to give and receive a tax-deduction, if you are interested.  Paypal can be an option as well.  

Go Fund Me for Henry McLaughlin (click on the purple link)

After meeting with Henry's doctors again this week, we KNOW he needs IVIG immediately.  That won't happen in Oklahoma (the 'immediate' part)- it's a ton of red tape, all the way around, even without insurance paying.  If we go to D.C. and receive treatment from Dr. Latimer, a leading PANDAS specialist who administered Henry's first treatment,  we know exactly who would be giving it, where it would be given, how, etc. If we do make it to D.C., that IVIG formula would only require one more infusion, IF that.  No matter how or where we do it, IVIG treatments will each cost approximately $13000.  

Thank you, Dear Friends.  Thank you for taking the time to read through this message, thank you for educating yourselves not only about NKH, but also about PANDAS.  Thank you for loving us and serving us as the Lord has led you, all of these years.  Please join us in praying the Lord will provide for Henry's IVIG treatment and if that means going to Washington, D.C, pray He would also provide a way to and from.  We are forever grateful for you.  I am forever grateful for you.  

Love Comes from God

I John 4:18

…17In this way, love has been perfected among us, so that we may have confidence on the day of judgment; for in this world we are just like Him. 

18There is no fear in love, but perfect love drives out fear, 

because fear involves punishment.  

The one who fears has not been perfected in love.    

19We love because He first loved us.…

With LOVE, Amidst My Fear - 

Ryan

Lost Faith

Summer Break is over and by far, it has gone by faster than any other Summer I can remember. I'm sad about it, actually.  My Darling Niece, Isla Edwards, entered this world last month.  My Brother and his lovely twins, headed home to Europe recently, after six fast weeks of staying with my parents.  We've loved family time and staying close to home has been one of our goals.  In no way was I going to miss the birth of my niece and thankfully, I was able to be there for the entire thing, briefly holding her after the emergency c-section Rachael underwent (after around 15hrs of labor).   

Lucy's been extremely ill these last few months, with ER visits, suffering from new seizures, living with unbelievable spells of pain, and being hospitalized for c-diff twice, thus far.  Henry's suffered from an extreme PANDAS flare, the likes of which we haven't seen in well over a year, mainly because he needs a new round of IVIG - the same treatment he received last year in D.C. and yet, it's simply financially unattainable at this time.

Struggles, fear, doubt - lonliness in the trials, heartache in the journey; a roller-coaster of emotion, thought, feeling, and experience.  

Lost Faith
In this post, I'm sharing personal struggles, fears and doubts.  I'm sharing these because I believe it is healthy for us, as individuals, to do so.  We can help one another and encourage one another by sharing our burdens and our journeys.  In making ourselves vulnerable, we make ourselves, "real".  There is great beauty in allowing the world to see we aren't perfect, that we are indeed, needy individuals - in desperate need of friendship, support, love, and forgiveness.  All of our intimate needs can be met, WILL be met, in and through a relationship with God.  

This Summer, maybe even back to the Spring or even Fall, I started to truly doubt God.  My heart was hurting, my feelings raw.  In my heart and mind, I had spent my entire life, from as far back as I remember, surrendering everything to God, as best I could, and STILL .  .  . still, my world continued (continues) to fall apart - to fall into pieces, all around me.  

The PANDAS, the NKH, as well as the stresses and illnesses coming about because of those things, have held us captive as a family and as individuals.  Our hearts have also remained broken for dear friends who've recently suffered the earthly loss of their children, both within our Hope Link and NKH Communities.  We long to see God move in miraculous ways on behalf of friends suffering from long hospitalizations, life-changing accidents, and everything in between.  Life is hard and it isn't meant to be lived-out alone.  Contrary to some beliefs, NO man is an island and no man should try to live as though he is one.  It won't work.  It's not the way we are made.

Struggling with this lie has been a life-long struggle for me and I'm laying it all out there for you.  Sure, I believe God can, will and DOES perform miracles, does good, makes beauty from ashes, but it doesn't really happen for me or won't really happen for me.  When Ellie Kate was born with something genetic - something which literally CAME from MY DNA - that only convinced my belief that the "good", the promises, the miracles, the fairy-tales, were all for someone else . . . someone MORE obedient, MORE devoted, MORE called, than me. 

Over the years, I accepted this lie (although sad about it) because I really and truly gave God EVERYTHING - from my food to each class at school; from my friendships to my thoughts, from my hair to what clothes I would wear, to every move in my cheer and tumbling practice to every single word that left my lips, every single thought which popped into my mind. 

I'm not talking about a pity-party or bouts of depression, although those certainly have been a part of our journey. No, this is  something I have really struggled with and learned to accept, even live with.  But Friends, this is where FAITH steps in.  Without faith, I am nothing - without faith in my marriage and my partner; without faith in our doctors on behalf of our children, without faith in our school system, without faith in our counselors and more - well, we just couldn't survive, living a life of crippling fear and severe anguish.  I don't want to live that way.  I WANT to choose FAITH, to choose to walk by faith.  I CHOOSE a GOD I believe created me, designing me for a purpose.  

A Moving God
Around July of this year I chose FAITH, after months of letting DOUBT win, I was enabled to reach out for something more - LIFE and liberty within and without.  I did not do this because I felt like it - in fact, I felt the opposite.  Personally, I know this faith and the ability to choose God, only COMES from God.  I chose to surrender again, because the Christian Life, the life of the Believer, is one of constant surrender. We recognize we cannot possibly handle this life on our own.  We accept the fact that we need help, that we would be miserable within the intervention of a Mighty God and all that He is, WHO He is, and He IS who He promises to be.  

I've asked the Lord to help my unbelief.   I am willing to choose Him and I am in a spot where I desperately want Him - I want Him to take over my heart, consume my thoughts and be established as Lord.  I want to see God for who He truly is and I want to fully trust Him and His character.  Desperately, I want Him to woo me, to show me His goodness towards our family, to show His provision as He has undeniably done in the past.  I've been asking Him to show up like this since July and ya'll, He HAS. 

Since July, we've been gifted a washing machine, among other sweet and unexpected gifts.  Friends came together for the washing machine, which makes it mean even more to us, especially as some of these friends also walk a continual road of suffering.  What a beautiful thing!  Having a Lucy Belle (NKH, Cerebral Palsy, epilepsy, diapered, etc) as well as a typical one year old baby, a typical 15 year old boy, and a Henry (frontal-lobe damage, seizures, PANDAS, etc) - well, we have a lot of messes overnight and during the day, doing approximately 3-5 loads of laundry each day.  God GAVE us this gift and it moved my heart closer to His.  

This Gift sparked something within me and I began to realize God has NOT forgotten me.  He has not forgotten my children, my husband or my family, as a whole.  In fact, He very much cares about our needs.


Last week, we were able to take an unforeseen trip to Eureka Springs.  All four of our children were able to go and Mike's mom (Jayme McLaughlin) met us in Arkansas, along with her dog, Maggie Mae.  It was WONDERFUL to see Jayme and the kids adored spending time with her (let's face it - they also loved seeing the MiMi and PawPaw's dog, Maggie Mae).  Although we had no idea how taking Lucy would work,  it all turned out fine, even if we did continue to trash most sheets, blankets, towels, and clothes because of  continued c-diff (no hotel/motel belongings were destroyed/trashed).  We brought just enough disposable pads for the trip and didn't forget a thing, which is a big deal for us.

I had no idea God would provide all of this - the time, finances and details for this trip, including a rental SUV so we could safely carry all children and all equipment.   In fact, I was so sad we had not been able to get away for the summer.  In fact, the boys had only been swimming one time because of the constant illness and more. This Trip is also something GOD has done, something HE allowed and orchestrated.  Once again, my heart is moved closer to Him, closer to the Truth and further from the lies my heart has been tied to for most of my forty years on earth. He swept in and swept us away, giving respite, providing joy and laughter we so desperately needed.  He very much cares about our needs AND our desires.  


The Future
I wish I could tell you that now, after everything God has done for me and for our family this Summer, I am gleefully trusting Him; but that isn't where my heart, mind and body are at this time.  I'm still asking God to step in - to sweep in and move things around inside of me and inside my Family.  I'm still choosing Him - I'm choosing to believe He loves me and wants good for me and for each my children.  I'm asking God to continue to help my unbelief, to continue to deepen my desire for Him.  I'm asking Him to do new things within me and within my family, which I haven't been able to do in a very long time.  

**********************************************************************

SO, there you have it - My heart and Spiritual State as it has been, in many ways, for the last several months.  Thank you for allowing me to share it.  Thank you to those who've had the patience to read through this particular blog.  Even more so, thank you to those who have obediently given and reached out to us, to me, even when it was not deserved or warrented.  It is YOU who have shown us God's Heart;  it's YOU who have shown us Father, Son and Holy Spirit.

I could not be more grateful for your ability and willingness to be used by Him on our behalf . . .

Ryan

- Jeremiah 29:11-14 (ESV), "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare[a] and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. 12 Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. 13 You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart. 14 I will be found by you, declares the Lord, and I will restore your fortunes and gather you from all the nations and all the places where I have driven you, declares the Lord, and I will bring you back to the place from which I sent you into exile".

-Romans 8:28(NLT), "And we know that God causes everything to work together[a] for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them".

- Jeremiah 9:24(TLB), "Let them boast in this alone: That they truly know me, and understand that I am the Lord of justice and of righteousness whose love is steadfast; and that I love to be this way".

- Lamentations 3:24-25(ESV), “The Lord is my portion,” says my soul, “therefore I will hope in him.” The Lord is good to those who wait for him,  to the soul who seeks him.

-2 Corinthians 5:7 (TLB), "We know these things are true by believing, not by seeing".

Deep Calls to Deep - At My Wits End

Oh Friend, is your heart heavy? Are you at your wits end? Do your tears flow, day and night, wondering where God is in your turmoil and distress?  Do you wonder how God will provide your needs, and does it seem impossible to do so?   If you are any of these things, I AM WITH YOU.  For Ages, Believers have felt this very same way.  Look at the Disciples with their trials.  Look at the tribulation Jesus experienced in the Wilderness.  

Psalm 42:5-9 TLB

My soul is cast down within me . . . 

Deep calls to deep at all your breakers and your waves, 

the roar of your waterfalls have gone over me.  

The Lord commands his steadfast love, 

and at night his song is with me,

a prayer to the God of my life.  

I say to God, my rock:  “Why have you forgotten me . . . ?

Psalm 107:27-28, 

"They were at their wit's end.  

Then they cried out to the LORD in their trouble, 

and he brought them out of their distress."

"Wits End Corner"
By Antoinette Wilson

Are you standing at “Wits End Corner” Christian, with troubled brow'
Are you thinking of what is before you, And all you are bearing now'
Does all the world seem against you, And you in the battle alone'
Remember at Wits End Corner Is where God’s power is shown.

Are you standing at “Wits End Corner” Blinded with wearying pain
Feeling you cannot endure it, You cannot bear the strain.
Bruised through the constant suffering Dizzy and dazed, and numb
Remember at Wits End Corner, Is where Jesus loves to come.

Are you standing at “Wits End Corner” Your work before you spread?
Or lying begun, unfinished And pressing on heart and head.
Longing for strength to do it. Stretching out trembling hands
Remember at “Wits End Corner” The burden bearer stand.

Are you standing at “Wits End Corner” Yearning for those you love,
Longing and praying and watching, Pleading their cause above,
Trying to lead them to Jesus Wondering if you’ve been true'
He whispers at “Wits End Corner” “I’ll win them as I won you.”

Are you standing at “Wits End Corner” Then you’re just in the very spot.
To learn the wondrous resources Of Him who faileth not!
No doubt to a brighter pathway Your footsteps will soon be moved
But only at Wits End Corner Is the God who is able, “proved.”

When Ellie Kate was born the song, "I will Praise You in this Storm," came out.  I remember my Precepts teacher playing it in class, singing it over me and physically holding me close.  With all of my heart and soul, I believed our "Storm" would soon pass.  I was realistic, of course.  My Daughter had a terminal genetic disorder but, I was sure the Storm wouldn't last forever.  And yet, here we are, still in what feels like the very middle of the storm, not anywhere close to the end; not anywhere close to the shore, to calm waters, to the day when the heaviness is all-together lifted.  

I don't understand why the "Storm" still lingers.  In my weakness, when my heart is weary, as it has been these last weeks, I find myself wondering if it truly will ever come to an end.  YES, God provides.  YES, He is still God and He provides and holds us; yet, the Storm continues to rage and it's so easy to get lost in the sorrow, heartbreak and unknown of what that is.  I know I am not alone in feeling this way.  I cling to this knowledge: God too has tasted such Storms, in the human form of His Son, Jesus.  Even Jesus asked His Father to "take this Cup from me . . . " knowing the brutal beatings, crucifixion and earthly death would be too much for Him to bear.  

Lord, brand this TRUTH on our hearts . . . 

• Until He brings us out of our distress and heartache, He has promised to be with us and to never forsake us.  The GOD of Creation, who knows the number of hairs on your head, has promised not to let you walk this heavy road alone.  To me, what's even better than that, is the promise God will draw us closer to Him through the deep waters, no matter how long they last.  

• It is THERE, in the deepest of deep, in the hardest of hard, when there seems no end to heartache and distress, where GOD draws us ever-so-close to HIM.  It doesn't happen when everything's going right or when you don't have reason to depend upon God.  It doesn't happen when you are in "control" of your schedule, finances, and plans.  It happens when you walk through the DEEP, when you cry out to God for His intervention.

Even if the Storm doesn't stop, even if the Storm doesn't seem to ease up immediately, or gets worse . . . we CAN trust Him.  I am learning to CHOOSE to trust and CHOOSE to believe, even when it feels impossible.  In these times, may we ask Our God, "I believe, help my unbelief," Mark 9:24.

Jesus, your ways are always higher than mine.  You know my past and future; you know what is best for me, for my marriage, for my children.  YOu've felt human heartache and you know it deeply.  I choose to give you my Storm and I ask you to be in control, to take it and use it for YOUR glory.  Father, I ask you to use our Storms to take me deeper with you, to develop my character and the character of my family.  I ask you to be glorified, for that is the main purpose of your Children here on earth - to know you and make you know.  Even when I don't understand, even when I fight against the plans you allow and cause, I CHOOSE to believe you will cause it all for OUR good and for YOUR glory.  

May our storms and lives bless you, even if we don't understand!
Ryan

Psalm 107:27-32 The Message (MSG)

23-32 Some of you set sail in big ships;
    you put to sea to do business in faraway ports.
Out at sea you saw God in action,
    saw his breathtaking ways with the ocean:
With a word he called up the wind—
    an ocean storm, towering waves!
You shot high in the sky, then the bottom dropped out;
    your hearts were stuck in your throats.
You were spun like a top, you reeled like a drunk,
    you didn’t know which end was up.
Then you called out to God in your desperate condition;
    he got you out in the nick of time.
He quieted the wind down to a whisper,
    put a muzzle on all the big waves.
And you were so glad when the storm died down,
    and he led you safely back to harbor.
So thank God for his marvelous love,
    for his miracle mercy to the children he loves.
Lift high your praises when the people assemble,
    shout Hallelujah when the elders meet!

All the Hurts - Crying Out

"And now, my soul is poured out within me; 

Days of affliction have seized me.  

At night, it pierces my bones within me, 

and my gnawing pains take no rest." 

Job 30:16-17

Grateful for a Life Well-Lived . . . 
It's been a blur, these last few days and weeks.  Last week, Mike's Daddy died.  It's hard to take that in.  It's hard to believe it, to be honest.  Stan was diagnosed with Stage 4 cancer last October.  He underwent treatment in Norman, Oklahoma but after visiting several cancer centers, he and his wife Jayme (Mike's Momma) decided to seek treatment in St. Louis, MO.  Drew, Mike's little brother, lives in St. Louis with his family and they assisted Stan and Jayme as they moved and began treatment there in Missouri.  

Stan underwent surgery where they took out part of his tumor and reversed the ostomy bag which was placed last October.  So, unfortunately, Stan became septic and also contracted c-diff, a serious infection in the intestines.  He was moved to a wonderful hospice center on a Friday and died just a few days later, his wife by his side.  

Mike was able to drive and be with his daddy during those last days.  The day following my minor surgery, I was able to fly out to St. Louis, also spending a few days with Stan.  Henry went with me, taking care of me on the trip.  He truly was exceptional and I think it was a gift to Jayme and Stan to have him there.  Mike's sister, Jenny was also able to come in with her husband, Greg.  Every one of Stan's children was able to talk to him, laugh with him and cry with him.  Stan's sister and brother also drove in from Oklahoma and were also able to spend time with their brother.  It was a bittersweet time as we watched the natural give way to the supernatural.  

What brings me hope is knowing Stan has the promise of eternal life through Christ.  He's now with his Momma, who passed away just a couple of years ago, as well as with other friends and family, including Ellie Kate.  Ellie LOVED her Paw Paw and, OH!  How I wish I could have witnessed their reunion!  It makes me so happy, knowing Ellie has her dear grandfather now with her.  A celebration of Stan's life will take place this Thursday, May 3rd at 11am and will be held at Bridgeway Church in OKC.  
Below is a tribute I wrote for Stan, whom I dearly love . . . 

Stanley Wayne McLaughlin

Obituary by Ryan McLaughlin

Stanley Wayne McLaughlin was born in Las Vegas, NV at Nellis Airforce Base to Joy and Sterling McLaughlin. After a valiant battle with cancer, Stan left this broken world in St. Louis, Missouri, with his faithful wife, Jayme by his side. Because of Stan’s personal relationship with God, he had no fear in death, having full assurance of a perfect, peaceful, eternal life with his Creator.

“Stan the Man” is survived by the Love of his Life, his wife of 45 years, Jayme Gresh McLaughlin; sister Jill McLaughlin Bougie, husband Larry Bougie and family; brother Steve McLaughlin and wife, Brenda and family, all of Northeast Oklahoma. Stan also leaves behind three children - Jennifer McLaughlin Sutherland (husband, Greg Sutherland) of Dallas, TX; Michael McLaughlin (wife, Ryan Elizabeth Tully McLaughlin) of Oklahoma City, OK and Andrew McLaughlin (wife, Elizabeth Benoist McLaughlin) of St. Louis, MO. Stan was the perfect “Paw Paw” to his many grandchildren, who would follow him like the pied-piper. He was their endless playmate and will be terribly missed. Stan’s grandchildren include Aimee, Scott, Sam, Gabe, and Emalee of Dallas; Conner, Henry, Lucy, and Bowen Jane of OKC and Andrew, Matthew and Molly of St. Louis.

Stan is preceded in death by his mother, Joy McLaughlin, and father, Sterling McLaughlin as well as his beloved granddaughter, Ellie Kate McLaughlin. We have no doubt, their heavenly reunion was more precious than we, on earth, could imagine!

A natural athlete, Stan played basketball at Nathan Hale High School and went on to play at the University of Tulsa, graduating with a B.A. in Marketing and Management. While his children played sports, Stan served Midwest City high school by filming games for the team. During his time on earth, he worked as a salesman for Kraft, and in most recent years, worked as a Realtor for Keller Williams, partnering his wife, Jayme. He loved being a realtor and excelled at making friends and selling homes. Stan never met a person he didn’t like and was always quick to make others feel comfortable, especially with his gentle-giant countenance and silly humor.

Stan McLaughlin loved the Lord Jesus with his entire being, having surrendered his life to Christ at an early age. He had a deep desire to study God’s Word and spent years involved in extensive Precept Bible Studies, also leading various Precept classes at Bridgeway Church in OKC, where he and Jayme faithfully attended and served Communion, over many years.

Along with a great love for OU Football, Stan Musial, and The Beatles, Stan’s life and example lay out a beautiful legacy of faith in Jesus Christ and a sincere love for others. Stan leaves a breathtakingly beautiful legacy of marriage with his Bride Jayme, who is his very best friend and finest confidant.

“Faithful” - when we think of you, Stan and share your stories and say your name, we will remember you as this... Stan: a faithful friend, faithful worker, faithful Christ-follower, faithful husband, faithful father, and faithful son. Your example of faithfulness in your happy marriage will live on for generations to come. Your dedication and hard work are things for which we will strive, and we will instill them in future generations. We will continue to work tirelessly, by your example, finding and adding humor to every part of life. We will say your name. We will remind your generations of the Covenant you made with God and the promises He gives us as His Children. Until we are One Day reunited, we hold you close to our hearts, never forgetting the legacy, which in your absence, now defines you.

While flowers are obviously welcomed, as an alternative, in lieu of flowers, we ask you to support one of the following organizations in Stan McLaughlin’s name . . .

OKC Hope Link, A Not-For-Profit Corporation
228 West Hefner Road
OKC, OK 73120
http://www.okchopelink.org/Give.php

Crying Out to God for Extension of Life . . . 
When I landed in Missouri that Saturday, I received a message from my Dear Friend, Julie Haller., which took my breath away.  There had been an accident with her son, Rye who is one of Henry's very best friends.  Rye wasn't breathing.  He didn't have a pulse when he was found.  He was on his way to OU Children's and Julie was calling on friends and strangers alike to pray for a miracle.  Since that day, Rye has been on the ventilator and in the PICU.  Doctors have not given much hope and in fact, those with organ donation came in early on to speak with the family (which, in my opinion, was premature).  As Julie explains, Rye's in NOT a traumatic brain injury like someone in a car accident. 

Rye in Mexico on a recent family trip (from Julie)

This week has been hard for my friends, although I do not pretend to know or understand at all, what they are facing.  A lively, active, typical, athletic, happy little boy - all of a sudden, in an accident, where his oxygen was cut off for presumably 30-40minutes - how do you even BEGIN to wrap your mind around it?  I've been going to visit my friends at OU when, so many times, they've come to visit both Ellie Kate and Lucy.  The pain they must feel is immeasurable BUT their HOPE is in GOD, the Creator of the Universe, the Creator of Rye, who knows the ins and outs of every single thing going on in his brain and body.  

Recent photo at OU (from Julie)

Henry, Conner and Rye 

Would you please pray for our friends and their precious son?  

Pray specifically for all his momma asks below in the following update . . . 

"After six days of unresponsiveness to hourly neurological checks, it was very encouraging to see Rye’s eyes open yesterday and for Rick to witness him appropriately responding to pain inflicted purposely by the doctor. That means that the doctor pinched his shoulder and he reacted by moving that shoulder. Sometimes brain injury patients would respond to that by kicking a leg, for example. That would be a reaction but not appropriate. We appreciate the many of you have shared encouraging stories of people recovering from brain injuries, even though the doctors would be quick to point out that traumatic brain injuries are very different from Rye’s situation. He went without oxygen to his brain for a prolonged period of time causing cell death. Although Rye was not declared brain dead after the MRI, he was not far from it. We were preparing ourselves to begin the donor matching process today because his physical signs (which the doctors seem to weigh as equal indicators of brain activity as MRI results, etc.) have no proof of any basic abilities. We are greatly relieved that God answered our prayers yesterday for a clear sign that Rye has not yet reached the predicted end. We celebrate that doctors agree that we should wait and see what happens next. That alone is a miracle to us. Seeing Rye’s eyes again today was precious to this momma. Even though the doctor reminded me that this is “all we may get,” it was more than we had expected. God will have the final word on the number of Rye’s days on earth. Until then, we continue to cry out to Him, THE WORD through whom all things were made in the beginning, to remake and heal His child mentally, emotionally, spiritually, intellectually, physically and socially so he “shall not die, but live, and declare the works of the Lord”. We know God can, we pray He will". - Julie Haller

This life is hard - indescribably difficult.  It doesn't make sense, no matter how hard we try to make the puzzle pieces fit.  There are great joys and bliss, but there are also heartaches and pain too deep to describe with words.  The World needs GOD.  I NEED GOD.  I need to know that there is purpose - a BEAUTIFUL purpose and plan for what many times, feels like chaos.  God is with us in the chaos.  Even when you can't feel Him there or sense Him there, He is present.  Even when you can't hear Him or see Him, He's still there.  I do not believe God causes ALL things to happen, but I DO believe He is WITH US through ALL THINGS.  He is our Abba, our Father, and He can be trusted even though our prayer may often be, "Lord, I choose to believe!  Help my unbelief!".  

The Lord is all-knowing.  He is the Creator of life.  

He is, "The Blessed Controller of All Things".  He knows the number of our days, from conception to death.  Stan knew this and his family clings to this Truth now as they mourn.  Rye's family knows these things to be true and they cling to this now as they cry out to God on behalf of their precious son.  

Thank you for your encouragement and love, Friends.  Thank you for praying for our family and for Rye and his family too.  I'm grateful today, knowing God hears our cries.

Ryan

Psalm 39:7, "And now, Lord, for what do I wait?  My hope is in you."
Ephesians 3:20-21, "Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all we ask or think, according to the power who works in us, to Him be the glory in Jesus Christ for all generations, forever and ever, amen."

Not a Glamorous Season

The McLaughlin's are Here, we haven't dissapeared, although it's true - I don't share as often on the Blog anymore, or on any form of social media, really.  There's a lot of reason behind that choice but mostly, I have four precious kiddos who need a full-time mommy.   Also, it's just a slow, sweet, NON-GLAMOROUS Season.

In the past, I've thrown myself into ministry, into "doing" rather than focusing on my family like I should.  Now I know how precious life is, how fleeting and bittersweet it is, even for the Believer; I want be there completely for my marriage and for my children.  That means doing and even BEING, a whole lot "less" of what I had grown so used to.  It also means focusing intentionally on My Marriage, which has been so wonderful and only from The Lord.  Pouring into My People - that's where He's placed me in this Season.

Henry has been in a flare, sleeping 

and having silent seizures on Easter, 

thus he isn't pictured with us:(.  

Last week, I found out I have the severe form of Interstitial Cystitis and another small surgery is soon to come.  This is an anutoimmune disease and I flare and when I do, it's awful.  Sometimes I can barely get out of bed.  The pain can be immeasureable, lingering like a bad sunburn, but rather inside of your bladder.  

I HATE that I have this disease, which I've likely had all of my life, but really flared since Ellie's death.  I HATE how it limits me and when I'm used to being active and physical, IC takes that away from me. I beleive it's severely flaring now as Lucy's future is still  unsure and since she will turn seven this September.  Ellie Kate had just turned seven when she passed away in 2012, and there's a weight as Lucys 7th Birthday approaches. 

I'm forever thankful for my Parents and for my Husband, who support me and do their best to understand all that is in my life right now.  I thank all of YOU who continue to reach out, help with meals or laundry, send a note or text, and more!  It lifts me up in this time when the pain drains my energy, when it feels like I'm failing bc of slowing down, when I can't always "do", even what I want to. Focusing on healing body, soul and mind - that's where He's placed me in this Season.  

Days are long but precious with a wide variety of ages in the home.  The Girls and Henry need me all the time, while Conner is more independant. Yes, it seems the diapers never end, the feedings never stop, and the comforting and teaching never truly stop. However, I can say, it is a very precious time in our home, a time of much joy and laughter, even though it means we aren't as busy or out and about (but ya'll, I do miss that).  Continuing to be available to my family and marriage - that's where He's placed me in this Season. 

Bowie and I had "extra time" together during the service 

because of her runny nose, but we got this pic out of it:)! 

).

• Bowen is a JOY, full of laughter and words.  She seriously is so smart and I am in awe I have the gift of being her Mama.  She is THE Sweetest Gift I've ever recieved!
• Conner is learning what all junior high boys must learn - responsibility.  Sometimes it's difficult to learn in real life, but we couldn't be more proud of this tender-hearted boy.  Conner loves carrying Bowen around and sincerely has fun playing with Bowen and Lucy.
• Henry's had a more difficult time, although things continue to be infinitely better since we had the IVIG treatment done last summer.  It's evident Henry needs another treatment, but we are STILL fighting insurance to get the first treatment covered.  It's a heavy burden in several ways, and we long to be FREE of it, for our Dear Ones to be freed of it too! Henry is playing soccer and has grown LEAPS and BOUNDS socially!  We are so proud of him and can truly see him stop himself and do the right thing.  He has State testing next week and we'd love prayer for him - it's a HUGE deal for him to even go.  
• Lucy has shown us more signs of life and light and we take that with joy!  Although she still sleeps most of the day, she has new energy and moves around more and even plays!  We hope to have her back in school very soon, with hopes of lifting her spirits - she loves friends, school, teachers, etc just like her Big Sister.  

          Right now, Lucy has a staph infection, but we caught it early and are administering                  antibiotics at home. LuLu had many full-body seizures on Easter, which wasn't fun at              all.  It still breaks our hearts, all these years later.  She also now has a UTI, but the                    antibiotics should cover that too.  

Thank you for lifting us up in so many ways - laying us before The Throne.  Thank you for interceding for us, encouraging us, serving us, and loving us.  

To God ALONE be the GLORY, Honor and Power, Forever! 

Ryan

Other Specific Ways to Pray:

• Pray intently for each of our children, as the Holy Spirit would lead you. 
• Pray for our Marriage and our Family as a whole - knit us together even more, Lord!
• Pray for provision for a new, more comfortable chair Lucy can use at home (she's outgrown the one shes had for several years and insurance does not pay).  
• Lucy also is in need of a new wheelchair as her's is literally falling apart.  We pray someway, we can get the ball rolling so insurance can cover the wheelchair.
• Pray for provision of the IVIG treatment for Henry, that insurance would re-imburse and we can be FREE; also pray it becomes readily available for him to recieve in the near future.
• Pray for Mike's Dad (Stan) who will soon undergo surgery in hopes of removing some of the cancer.
• If you feel so led, please pray for ease of pain for my IC.