Surgery and The New Job

Mike and I are sitting in the waiting room, patiently waiting for our spirited Henry to come out of his oral surgery.  This is of course, a minor procedure, and my fear isn't necessarily with Henry "going under".  We've been through that part so many times that it thankfully isn't as fearful or as intimidating as it once was.  I HAVE worried about Henry's sense of peace and well-being though, especially after the way the last oral surgery went down.

Waiting to go back

(look at those pitiful little eyes and awesome hair)

Last February, Henry had to be forcefully held down by four male nurses/attendants as he was given a shot to knock him out.  They HAD to do it (with my permission, of course).   The tooth was causing a horrible, no-good, very bad flare and in order to stop it from advancing, we needed the infection removed.  Henry woke from that surgery very violent, which is what he does when he is scared.  He even threw the ipad across the room, completely shattering it.  The "shatter-proof" case was NOT made with a "Henry the Hulk" in mind.  


This morning, I am PROUD (and happy) to say that Mr. Henry has done amazingly well and went back to the OR without a fight!  Not a tear was shed, not an ipad thrown, nor a shot needed.  My Little Hobbit walked on back bare-footed, his favorite way to be.  And yes, his barefooted-ness grosses this mommy out (esp since we are in the hospital), but it makes Henry feel free and comfortable, and when he feels free and comfortable, he is at peace. I am astonished at the way God answered our prayers for Henry's peace thus far, and I am praying that the peace and calmness will continue to wash over Henry in waves for the rest of the day (for the rest of his precious life, Lord - let it be!).  Thank you for praying with us and for us!


Today, I am making it known, here on the blog, that  I am a new Consultant for the skin care company, Rodan and Fields! I promise that I won't be blogging further about my new R&F business, and I want to make that clear.  I may post on FB every now and then, but I promise not to bombard anyone with anything.  No one likes those annoying posts that pop up every moment, asking you to buy or sell something and I am super sensitive to that (probably obsessively so).  I just want to share my story with you so that you can pray that God would use this to benefit our family in both physical and spiritual ways.  Of COURSE I would love for you to be interested in purchasing some skin care products from my site, and I wouldn't stop anyone from becoming part of my team!  However, I never want anyone to feel cornered or pressured.  

R&F is a company run by actual dermatologists - the same dermatologists who make ProActive (you may have seen some of the commercials on TV).   This is a giant leap of faith for me and for my family, but we believe the Lord will use it as a tool to help us pay off those last medical bills and help pay for things like upcoming braces for the boys (bless their hearts, they have their momma's teeth). Financial freedom sounds pretty wonderful, don't you think?! 


Life has a way of wearing you out and that can clearly be seen on one's face.  I've recently looked at pictures of myself from even just three years ago, and oh-my-goodness, I have aged SO much! Death, sadness, heartache - they leave their mark; but you know what?  So does laughter!  I've never spent time or money on my skin, or even on my make-up, and now at age of 37, I look worn and tired.  I've decided that I wanted to change and actually TAKE CARE OF MY OWN SKIN (gasp!).  It's good to stop and take care of yourself, Friends.  That is one MAJOR thing that I have learned during our journey.


One afternoon, I received a little R&F facial sample in the mail from my friend, Meredith Ellis.  Meredith and her husband are both in the medical field but more importantly, Meredith and Lee are Believers with three precious kiddos. We've know each other for as long as I can remember (although I am admittedly older;)), and I thoroughly trust Meredith's opinion. Mere was with me when Ellie Kate received her NKH diagnosis at Texas Children's early 2006. Really - who wouldn't want to try out a product endorsed by your doctor-friend?!  I have to tell you - My skin felt so soft, smooth and silky after using the sample that I found myself scraping the little packets, trying to use every last drop.  I LOVED the way my skin felt - and I loved the way it looked - refreshed and renewed. It felt really good to take care of myself in this way, and I thought,  "If my face felt and looked this way after a simple sample pack, how would it look and feel if I actually used the products on a daily basis?"; And so my business has officially begun, under the leadership of Meredith.    


Really, I cannot wait to jump in and help others with their self-confidence - to get their physical "glow" back! I also can't wait to pray over each customer and potential team member, as I know the Lord won't bring them to me by chance.  Please contact me if you'd like more information on these great products, and if you feel comfortable, please send your interested friends and family my way.
More info on our products:  https://rmclaughlinmyrandfcom.myrandf.com/   
More info on joining my team: https://rmclaughlinmyrandfcom.myrandf.biz/



As I'm finishing this post tonight (or this morning, rather), Henry is home and sleeping hard in his own bed.  We continue to stand in awe of the peace and comfort God brought to all of us.  Henry had a very hard time with the anesthesia and has been in a lot of pain.  His little emotions have been jumping all over the place and I think that is due to the medications.  Pray that his heart would settle and that his pain would go away (they actually worked on several teeth).  Thank you, Lord for providing this surgery for Henry and thank you for giving us your peace!

Friends, thank you for letting me share my new R&F business info with you.  Thank you too for praying specifically for Henry and for our family, as we continue to ride the roller coaster!


Learning to Be a Proverbs 31 Woman - 
Ryan

The Woman Who Fears the Lord

10 [d] An excellent wife who can find?
    She is far more precious than jewels.
11 The heart of her husband trusts in her,
    and he will have no lack of gain.
12 She does him good, and not harm,
    all the days of her life.
13 She seeks wool and flax,
    and works with willing hands.
14 She is like the ships of the merchant;
    she brings her food from afar.
15 She rises while it is yet night
    and provides food for her household
    and portions for her maidens.
16 She considers a field and buys it;
    with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard.
17 She dresses herself[e] with strength
    and makes her arms strong.
18 She perceives that her merchandise is profitable.
    Her lamp does not go out at night.
19 She puts her hands to the distaff,
    and her hands hold the spindle.
20 She opens her hand to the poor
    and reaches out her hands to the needy.
21 She is not afraid of snow for her household,
    for all her household are clothed in scarlet.[f]
22 She makes bed coverings for herself;
    her clothing is fine linen and purple.
23 Her husband is known in the gates
    when he sits among the elders of the land.
24 She makes linen garments and sells them;
    she delivers sashes to the merchant.
25 Strength and dignity are her clothing,
    and she laughs at the time to come.
26 She opens her mouth with wisdom,
    and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.
27 She looks well to the ways of her household
    and does not eat the bread of idleness.
28 Her children rise up and call her blessed;
    her husband also, and he praises her:
29 “Many women have done excellently,
    but you surpass them all.”
30 Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain,
    but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
31 Give her of the fruit of her hands,
    and let her works praise her in the gates.

Tired of Struggling

Remember my last post and the prophetic verse that God so sweetly sent for me to literally wear around my neck?  I've been doing so, as a reminder of His faithfulness.  How timely that gift was and yet, even when the Lord so CLEARLY spoke to me, I'm having to CHOOSE to believe what He has told me.  That's where I am.  Ya'll, I am choosing because I sure don't feel it right now.  

James 1:12

12 Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him.

I have to tell you, more than once this week, I have told the Lord that I don't need or want a crown in Heaven.  Crowns don't matter to me now, and I don't really think they will matter to me then, when I'm in the presence of the Living God. I'm pretty sure everything else will fall to the wayside when that happens, and I won't be thinking about crowns and accolades.  

Instead, I'd like a break in the heartache and trials, and that's what I've told the Lord.  I'm just being honest.  I need a break from the bad news, from the reminders of unimaginable loss, from sickness, from the world of medical issues. I need a break from flares and tantrums and from OCD attacks.   I'm tired of the limitations that face our family, including financial limitations that seem to NEVER end. 

My heart is heavy for my friends facing death anniversaries.  My heart is heavy for my son who can't control his body or behavior.  My heart is heavy for my son who doesn't get the attention that he needs because his two parents are so often having to emergently focus on his siblings.  My heart is heavy for my daughter - as I was decorating Ellie's Spot today and I had Lucy there with me, I was shockingly reminded that someday her little body will be lying right there as well, and I will visit them both.  That makes me hurt for Lucy, knowing that she will suffer on this earth.  My heart hurts for my Husband, who didn't sign up for such a wild ride when he married me.  I hurt that he keeps going higher and higher in his career and yet we STILL struggle to pay old medical bills that hold us back from so many things.  How heavy that must way on HIM as a man and as a provider!  

I don't often hurt for myself or allow myself to sit and think about sad things.  You can't do that, really - if you did then you would be depressed all of the time, and no one should live life that way.  God doesn't want us to live depressed all of the time, as His desire is for us to live abundantly here on earth.  He wants us to have joy, giving it all to Him, trusting Him with every joy and every pain. He hurts knowing WE hurt.  I KNOW that in my head, and even in my heart (really I do, so you don't need to email me and remind me:)).  God does love me and He does good and IS good.  I KNOW this.  I just don't FEEL this right now.  

Being transparent with you isn't always easy, and even though my heart is overflowing with pain today, my first thought wasn't to jump on here and tell the world.  HOWEVER, I believe God wants me to, even though I'm not exactly sure why.  I want you to know that it's okay NOT to be okay. It doesn't mean that you love Jesus less and it doesn't mean that HE loves you less either.  HIS LOVE FOR YOU NEVER CHANGES, even if yours does!  That, My Friend, is the truth of the Gospel.  

What do you do when you are hurting for yourself and more importantly, hurting for those that you love?  

• First of all, cast your cares on Him - lay them at His feet (1 Peter 5:7).  He wants to carry them and take over so that you don't have to worry.  He will give you the tools to work through it and get through it.  Even when it doesn't feel like it, just CHOOSE to give it to Him.  And remember, chances are that you are making things heavier than they need to be. 
• It's okay to feel "down" and it's okay to let yourself have those feelings.  He will also use ALL HURTS for His glory - good hurts, bad hurts, ones I've inflicted on myself, those inflicted by others, etc.  Although I have a tug pulling me to jump in the car and take our family far away to start a new life and new adventure, I know that isn't what the Lord is telling us right now.  So for now, I will stay put and love my family and let myself be sad - especially when mourning losses.  It's okay and I'm giving myself grace to do it until the Lord tells me not to.  
• Make some choices, even when your feelings don't follow suit.  As I've mentioned, I'm making some choices as well - I'm choosing to trust that God will use this hurt to make me more like Him and more importantly, is knowing that God will use this hurt to make those I love more like Him.
• When you are down, it's also really good to ask the Lord to lift your spirits.  I've been asking Him to do that in a BIG way.  I NEED to see God move FOR me in a big way.  I'm begging Him, and you can too.  He WILL move - I just don't know when.  I'm asking the Father to meet me in an intimate, sweet, thoughtful way like a Daddy with His daughter.  I'm longing to hear from Him that way and to see His goodness from that perspective.  You can do this too!
• As a Believer, it's impossible to get through a low times without communicating with the Lord.  It's easy to make it a one-way communication relationship during the rough patches, but don't let that be the case (clears throat; speaking to myself now, obviously).  Press in.  Cry out to Him.  Hold up empty hands, which is exaclty what I have physically done today.  When we seek Jesus in these times, He WILL meet us and He will meet our needs.  He will give us joy once again and breathe life into our spirits.  I'm asking God to do that for YOU as well as for me!  

Today, I am tired of struggling.  I'm tired of needing so much help from other people. I'm angry from working and seeing very little, what feels like fruitless results in many areas of our life as a family. I'm frustrated that things aren't getting better as quickly as I have hoped and I know there are many of you out there who feel the exact same way.  

We may have drastically different circumstances, but our weariness can absolutely be very similar!  TAKE HEART, as you are NOT alone, Dear Friend.  You and I are in this together - we all are as Believers and one day, we will overcome it all by The Blood of the Lamb.  Until then, may we recklessly love and serve one another, staying open with our hurts, heartaches and even needs.  I'm asking the Lord to meet you in an intimate way and to show you too that He is WITH you and that He is FOR you.  

Wearily,

Ryan
PS: I have no idea what funky thing is going on in with the white background on the blog, so try to ignore it:)

It Changes On A Dime

Over the weekend I received a beautiful gift in the mail.  It's a darling necklace with the reference James 1:17 on it.  Opening it took my breath away - that this sweet woman of God would take the time and energy to not only send me a darling gift, but to also encourage me spiritually with it . . . it just made me feel so loved!  I looked up the verse and again, I was humbled.  

James 1:12English Standard Version (ESV)

Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him.  

James 1:12

Does she see this in me? Oh, Friends - I feel incredibly inadequate and I do NOT feel "steadfast" 99.9% of the time.  My heart was lifted as I knew I would need this reminder, literally around my neck, in years to come.  I just didn't know I would need the reminder so quickly. 

Life has been smooth lately.  We've enjoyed seeing Lucy's abilities grow by leaps and bounds this summer.  We've had fun as a family and have pressed in to each other, feeling such sweetness from the Father.  Henry's had a great summer too, and although he struggles each day with behavioral issues, he has come so far and has conquered many things!  Other than a bad IC flare I've recently been thrown into, life has been peaceful and I've had to pinch myself in that because our life as a family has NEVER been this "peaceful".  Today, that all changed, as our world was rocked . . . 


We've had some issues finding a doctor to spear-head Henry's healthcare.  We had changed pediatricians right before his PANDAS diagnosis - one reason is that our favorite pediatrician of all time no longer works in the clinic at OU.  After working hard to find a "team leader" for his care, we decided on our psychologist, and that has been going okay.  I still haven't been convinced that was the best thing to do, but we've been weary from seeking out options and fighting for our son's health on other levels.  Today, we went back to Sooner Peds Clinic, and although we aren't with that favorite doctor, we are with his staff, whom we adore and have a long and faithful history with.  I trust them immensely with each and every one of our children, and they've watched all of them grow and change since around 2006!  


Henry didn't take his morning meds today, which completely threw him off.  I trusted him when he initially told me that he took them.  I made the mistake of not checking to see if he actually took did.  We've come to realize that the medications are SO important and when Henry doesn't take them, there is a BIG difference in behavior, and it isn't good at all.  So, no meds were on board when we made it to the clinic today and automatically, we were at a disadvantage.  


It's been a while since we've been to that particular clinic, so I had to catch everyone up on Henry's health history.  Can you imagine - giving ALL of the information, sharing ALL of the situations and details collectively from two years ago until now?!?  That alone can wear a momma out, ya'll.  Henry became unruly and was bouncing off the walls shortly into the appointment, touching everything and literally trying to climb the walls.  He was jumping off of every object, all because he hadn't taken his medication, and as Henry's mom, that is absolutely MY fault.  


Adding to the stress - Miss Lucy had the blowout of all blowouts, and I'm not talking about her blow-dried hair.   She pooped at the clinic, and it was on the floor, all over her dress, and completely covering the seat of her wheelchair.  She had poop on her hands and even on her face!  It was so bad that I needed help from two nurses, and we actually had to BATHE Lucy there in the clinical room, right there in that metal sink.  It was hilarious and she actually enjoyed her bath and the attention that came along with it, I might add. OH, LUCY BELLE!!


The final point at the doctor today:  there are many mysteries with Henry right now, and she is concerned - rightfully so!  We are concerned too, and I cannot tell you what a relief it is to FINALLY have someone step in and step up, wanting to be our "Team Leader" and gatekeeper where Henry is concerned.  We are taking a very proactive stance and will start rounds of testing tomorrow morning as I take Henry in for bloodwork.  There will be sleep studies and MRI's, and likely visits with other specialists there at OU.  We are also being referred to an out-of-state doctor who specializes in Infectious Diseases.  This highly-esteemed doctor is at the University of Missiouri's Women's and Children's Hospital in Columbia, MO.  Not only is this doctor an infectious disease specialist, but also, he is a PANDAS expert!  We are incredibly encouraged at the possibility of Henry being seen by such an incredible doctor who can hopefully offer us some assistance as well as information, as we WANT to know what's going on in Henry's body and mind.  It's maddening not to know what is going on in that beautiful mind of his, just as it is with Lucy and Ellie Kate.  


Henry took tylenol for a headache this morning and by the time we left the doctor, his head was hurting so bad that he was crying.  I have very little doubt that Henry had a migraine, as I have them, Conner has them, and my Mother has them (they are hereditary).  Shortly after he expressed his head pain, he started crying about his legs hurting, and then his arms and feet, then his hands.  Henry is a strong boy with a high pain-tolerance, so when he is wincing and crying out in pain, I take notice.  We got home and put motrin on board, which seemed to make a difference.  Although my mind was swimming with what we had just talked about at the clinic - seizures, infectious disease doctors, getting a script for Henry's pull-ups (he has trouble with this still), thinking about how to convince him to have blood drawn - I had to put that all aside and get the kids off to "Back-to-School Night"!  

Henry became very overwhelmed at the school and after meeting his teacher, he left the building on his own, and I had no idea where he went or how he escaped.  I was called to the office when the poor principal told me that teachers had seen him exit out of a certain door.  I can only imagine what is going on in that poor woman's head, as she was the same principal who had to chase/follow/track down Henry to our home when he ran away from school several times last year.  I quickly found Henry who was hysterically scared and a little disoriented.  He said he "couldn't see well", which is what he said before he fell with his last seizure.  I had him sit down, but he threw himself around on the ground, crying out in pain.  His eyes looked funny, so I picked him up, found Conner and got to the car.  I thought that if I got Henry home, I could better asses him and get him to rest a bit.  I did get him home and tried to cool him off, while he was still crying and now complaining about a tooth.  He had mentioned the tooth several times over the weekend, but it has a cap on it, so I didn't think much of it.  


Tonight, Henry has thrown up and he is extremely pale.  He doesn't have a fever, but that is typical for him when he falls ill.  Before falling asleep, he was still limping around in pain, crying out the entire time and also complaining about his tooth.  I have made an appointment for the dentist, but they can't see him until tomorrow afternoon.  I'm thinking that Henry may have an abcessed tooth under that cap!  That would explain the symptoms and the behavior, which breaks my heart (infection can send one into a flare).  I have NO IDEA how I will get him to the dentist.  I have NO IDEA how I will get him to sit in the chair.  I have NO IDEA how I will get him to let Dr. B look (and touch, and x-ray) his hurting tooth.  And now that he is vomiting, will checking his tooth cause him to throw-up?  He's already on TWO antibiotics because of his PANDAS treatment, so you would think that any infection would be taken care of, unless indeed he does have a major immune disorder going on that we don't yet know about.  DEEP SIGH.


I just don't know, ya'll.  I just don't know.  I don't know what to think and I don't know how to take on another major unknown issue.  Although PANDAS, and all that's lead up to it, has indeed been an unknown road for us, at least we had some answers and treatments.  Now, I don't know what the future holds, and in many ways, we are exactly where we've been with Ellie Kate, in particular . . . just not knowing, but watching our child hurt and suffer.  


One of the hardest things tonight was that Henry was truly scared about school.  He was once again begging me to home school him.  As you may know, Henry had an extremely hard time at school last year and basically was home with me from February until the end of school.  I tried to home school, but with Henry's intense defiance (which we have believed is caused by PANDAS) prevented us from getting anywhere and we weren't able to do any type of work at all.  Henry's repeating first grade because of this very thing (not because of his intelligence), but what if he runs away from school again, even this week?  What if he refuses to go and also refuses to let me teach him?  He truly has changed so much and has learned to better control himself and even make better decisions, but I don't know if he has the self-control to really and truly focus on school.  What do I do with that as a parent?  It's hard to wrap my head around.  


Please don't get me wrong - I'm not running around like a chicken with my head cut-off, screaming and letting my thoughts run wild with the "what if's".  I know better than to do that.  I've learned the hard way, and doing that isn't good for anybody.  I also know, without a doubt, that God WILL cause this all to work for Henry's good, for MY good and for the good of each member of our family.  I know that Christ will be glorified in it.  HOWEVER, that doesn't mean that my heart doesn't hurt or that it isn't heavy; it doesn't mean that my eyes aren't stinging from the tears I've shed today, or that I haven't cried out to the Lord to just take it all away.  Maybe He will and maybe He won't.  I'm having to CHOOSE to trust Him, as He has proven Himself worthy and good.  


Please pray for wisdom for the doctors and for me and Mike, as we try to navigate Henry's health care and medical future.  Also, pray that we are able to get the tests done quickly and that we will quickly receive the results.  We also need the Lord to provide for any trips we will be taking for Henry's medical treatments, and that He would provide for those same treatments and any medications that may come along with them. 

Friends, we desperately need wisdom about Henry's schooling.  Pray that God would give us black-and-white, crystal-clear answers that can only come from Him.  Pray that they would be evident and that He would move in our hearts immediately concerning this.  School starts Wednesday and it makes me queasy to think of all that we have up in the air!  Oh, Father!  We NEED YOU! 

Thank you for standing by us in the good and thank you for standing by us now, in the difficult and hazy times of this journey.  May the Lord richly bless you for staying with us so faithfully because that action spurs us on, encourages us, and breathes life into our hearts more times than I could ever say.  We love all of you dearly and look forward to watch God's story unfold in all of this.  

Lord, I don't know how to do this, but I know that YOU know what's going on with Henry.  I know that you are FOR Henry and that you are FOR me.  You fight for us, you forgive us, you give us good things.  You are a GOOD FATHER.  Show yourself as a good father to us, God.  Thank you that Conner and Lucy are doing so well right now, and let that continue.  Secure them in you and capture their hearts, guiding their every movement.  Capture Henry's heart and tame it, Father.  Capture his thoughts - the thoughts that aren't of you.  HEAL HENRY, God!  Release this burden of sickness that hangs over my son - this heavy bag that he has to carry with him, everywhere he goes.  Give Henry relief.  Go before us in appointments and my your presence be thick.  May your angels line those rooms and may Henry feel the peace and comfort that comes from their presence, all because of YOU.  And Jesus, I selfishly ask you to lift my spirits.  Thank you so much for giving me that gorgeous necklace and thank you too for it's perfect timing.  Holy Spirit, you work in the hearts of your Believers to accomplish your will!  Thank you for remembering me and thank you for showing me your goodness.  Bless my sweet friend richly for listening to your Holy Spirit and for acting when you told her to!  Would you continue to lift my spirits?  You know the current desire of my heart and all that goes along with it.  Would you somehow make a way?  

We lay it all at your feet.  

Mirror Image

You guys, I have been incredibly humbled by the fact that so many of you read and shared my last post, "Fixer Upper".  Whether it draws the attention of HGTVand Joanna and Chip Gaines of "Fixer Upper" . . well, who really knows, but that wasn't the point of that post anyways.  I'm still grateful for their example and ministry, and I hope you are inspired to find YOUR mission as an individual, couple and/or family.  There is great joy in knowing your life is living out the things that God has called you to!  

The end of the summer is here and school starts for us next week!  There has been so much growth within our family over the summer.  No, we haven't added any new members ('Scout' the Cocker Spaniel is still on family probation, actually), but I have seen my children stretch spiritually, mentally and physically.  I've seen the same in my Dear Husband.  As for me, I'm not sure about other areas, but I have put on some weight, which was not planned (that happens when you stay home with your kids all summer, right??).  Overall, I am sweetly satisfied in how this summer has gone and I am grateful for what we've been able to experience and take part in! Not only has the Father faithfully provided our needs, but also some of "wants" by allowing us to take some trips and enjoy adventures as a family.  He is SO good, even when we are not.

Whatever is good and perfect comes down to us from God our Father, who created all the lights in the heavens. He never changes or casts a shifting shadow.

James 1:17

If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!

Matthew 7:11

Little Lucy Belle has particularly changed this summer, growing a few inches and gaining a few pounds.  We've seen even MORE exciting changes though, things we never even thought possible!  Lucy is now holding a cup and drinking water herself;even though she struggles to get it into her mouth each time and struggles to keep it in her hands.  She shows the DESIRE to drink water.  She CHOOSES to bring the cup to her mouth.  This is HUGE!  Lucy also now lifts her arms as we walk by to show us when she wants to be held.  She is CHOOSING to be held - she is COMMUNICATING with us, letting us know what she WANTS!  Can you even imagine?! And oh, that princess attitude that she has developed, and it isn't always the humble, gentle princess of the Disney movies.  She's a literal biter and pouts, screaming when she doesn't get what she wants, which is hard bc we often have to guess what she wants and needs.  It is SO FUN to watch her change, grow and mature.  I am blown-away by it really, and this strong evidence of how cognitively aware Lucy truly is!  *Um, Jo-Jo, if you DO come to our house, can we make some mirrored furniture happen?

Another way Lucy has developed is with her vision and curiosity.  Recently, at a dear friends' house, Lucy fell in love with her own image.  She saw herself in a mirrored piece of furniture, and we all watched in awe as she sat and looked at herself for so long - tilting her head back and forth, moving toward the image and then away from it, even sideways.  She was enamored with her what she was seeing, and the fact that she has the ability to do that is astounding to me as her momma.  My heart leaps with joy!  What else will she be able to do?  Oh, Lord, bring do more in Lu Lu's mind and body!

Lucy's reflection with her image got me thinking . . . how often do you take a long look at yourself, at your life, at your ministry as an individual?  Let me gently remind you that it isn't conceded to step back and take a long look, an in-depth glance, at your life.  It's a deep thing, something that requires you to be open and honest, asking the Holy Spirit to reveal to you what needs to be seen and possibly, what needs to be changed.

I will admit it - I do NOT like looking at my reflection, folks.  It's hard for me to slow down, just like many of you.  Finding a quiet time and place to reflect?  Well, that sounds impossible.  But, God will allow it to happen, even in the strangest of places.  He will reveal himself because He cares and He wants your to grow and change. Thank the Lord for that (literally), for who wants to stay the same old non-growing, boring self?!  I don't always like what I see, in fact I don't enjoy the failures and flaws that scream out at me when I press in on my own image.  The thing God wants from us in all of this image stuff?  Well, it's SURRENDER.  Total surrender; because when we surrender it all to Jesus, He takes over.  For those who believe on His name, He has paid for our failures and mistakes and when He looks at us, He no longer sees those ugly things (can I get an 'amen'?!).  But when we continue to surrender to Him - that's when we start seeing the changes in our hearts, our minds, and sometimes even our beliefs.  Jesus changes it all . . . for the better.  He changes us to be more like Him, and as a follower of Christ, that is our goal!  Lord, give us your wisdom!

But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere.

James 3:17

The precious children in your life are looking at your image too.  They watch you - how you react to joy and pain; how you respond to difficult circumstances, surprise events and even loses.  They intently see our image, and that is why we must faithfully teach them WHO God is, living it out every day.

Do as Lucy, and look at your own image, taking all the time that you need.  

Holy Spirit, guide us as we seek you in this way.  Speak to us loudly and clearly so we know what you want us to change.  Encourage us by showing us what it is about us that you most celebrate - a part of our image that you take joy in. Reveal to us what we need to work on - the dark places that need to be surrendered again to your authority.  Father, may we then go and teach our children who you are and may they see you in how we live our lives each day.  Thank you for loving us so recklessly!