First off, I want to say, "God Bless". Seriously, God bless you RICHLY for reading this blog. May He exceedingly bless you for following our family through these ups and downs, and twists and turns. There are so many that I have a hard time following them all. And some of you have been there from the very beginning of our roller-coaster ride - that's a whopping ten years, people. GOD BLESS, and I mean that with the most sincerity.
There is always that family in your community, in your church or in your town . . . you know the one I'm talking about - the family with the non-stop calamities. The family who seems to always be stuck in the middle of some sort of terrible muck; the ones always facing hardships, illnesses and loses. The natural thing to do, when you know of a family like this, is to want to run far, far away.
You don't want to get involved because there is always drama. You don't want to step in because you could become emotionally drained - heck, you could end up being drained emotionally, physically, mentally, and everything in between. You think, someone will step in. They know lots of people. Lots of people know their story. Or, you've helped for a while and think, "it's time for someone else to step in and care for these hurting people". You are not evil to think this way. It is a true, raw, human response to a train-wreck of heartache.
Oh my goodness friends, I did not want to be "THAT" family, but that is exactly what we are. I know it and I am learning to accept it, because quite obviously, it is what He wants us to be - at least in this season.
I thought that season would be short and that once we figured things out with EK and got back on our feet, things would settle down and we wouldn't "need" so much from others. Then, I realized that season would last a bit longer because Ellie was so sick for so long, and then Mike lost his job and we moved in with my Parents for a long time (that's when we moved to Moore). Then God gave us our beautiful home (He gets all the glory for that and for everything in our home as well bc it is ALL from Him!), and the boys' school was just down the street and we were just a few blocks away from my parents, and we finally were in our own home again! And then Sweet Lucy came along, and our lives drastically changed and became even richer than we ever thought possible. We went through a very difficult time of Ellie being so sick, and Lucy also being in and out of the hospital. The season felt so heavy and more difficult than any before. Then Ellie passed away, and that has been the hardest season of all. Now . . . well, now it is a different type of season, but it is still hard, exhausting and we still mourn Ellie Kate's death while also dealing with new and unexpected things.
Last week, Henry had an EEG, as you may remember. Today, we received the results of that EEG, and they were not good. The results are not what we expected. The results could change a lot for Henry - even impacting his future. Other test results for Henry came in today as well, and they too are confusing and complicated. We are still trying to take it all in. The Lord is good and He has given us a great peace.
When I picture how I am feeling (I am a very visual person), I feel like I am standing inside of a giant tornado that is angry, swirling, with tons of big things flying through the air around me, spinning and spinning and spinning. So much unkown, so much that I keep forgetting to do, so much that I want to do and need to do . . . and yet, I am standing still in the middle of it, with peace. I'm not panicking. I'm at peace. But I am still overwhelmed.
Maybe God has made us "That Family" to humble me, to humble Mike - heck, maybe He will use it to humble our extended family too (the Lord knows that they didn't sign up to have us in their family). I am a "Mercy" person, so I have no problems loving on families that may be labeled as difficult, but being here ourselves gives me more perspective and grace for those who always have things going wrong in their lives. Maybe God just wants me to have a bigger heart for those hurting in different ways? I don't know. I don't know why you stick with us and why some of you have continued to give, love and serve us for these ten years.
Good things have happened this week too! God ALWAYS does good in the midst of the bad. We have to remember that and sometimes even look for the good in it all. We found out that Lucy will be at Wayland Bonds Elementary until she is junior high! We get to stay in that wonderful, welcoming, warm school and we couldn't be happier. That news shifted things for me and Mike and even more confirmed our thoughts of moving. We were hoping to wait a little longer and save more. However, we know now that Henry will be on an IEP next year (and likely through elementary), so he will officially be in the special education program as well. Our DESIRE is to have Henry and Lucy both at Wayland Bonds where they can be at the same school, see the same therapists, and be in the same special ed programs (although they are VASTLY different bc Henry's disabilities are not intellectual disabilities). Henry LOVES WB as he was in Pre-K there. Every time we take Lucy to school, he tells me how safe he feels there, how much he loves it, and how he wants to go back. I want to do that for him - for him to feel safe at school again.
Tonight we saw the absolute house of our dreams; a house we could stay in forever. And guess what? If we were in that house, the kids would go to Wayland Bonds Elementary School! This house is handicap-accessible, ya'll. It was custom built for an officer here in Oklahoma City, who became paralyzed and then was tragically killed in an accident.
In this home . . . Every single doorway is accessible. Every bathroom is accessible. The room that would be Lucy's is directly next to ours and it has it's own bathroom, big enough for Lucy's wheelchair. She could have her own bathroom for her bath chair and her nurses could have privacy! Would you believe that the rooms has pink and white stripes on the walls and a chandelier as the main light fixture?! It is already made for a Princess! There is a ton of storage for equipment and formula and equipment (can you tell I am excited?!), along with a therapy hot tub INSIDE the house (not very extravagant, even though it sounds like it). Lucy could get in, anytime of the day, anytime of the year, and move her muscles! She could have therapy in the pool. Henry is also having trouble with severe aches and pains in his legs due to the things he is going through. We've been giving him hot baths daily, but how much better would a hot tub be - one that is specifically made for therapy?!
This dream is just a dream right now. We are thrilled to know that something like this is out there - something accessible for people like us. And it's brave for the family of this officer to sell the house, especially after suffering such a great loss. God would literally have to move a mountain for us to move in and even MORE mountains to make it happen before school starts. Our God owns the cattle on a thousand hills. But I also know that He may not want this for us now, or ever, so I'm not getting my hopes up. It's just an exciting way to end a very hard day full of not-so-fun news and I dare to say that it gives us hope, in a strange way. Lord, we trust you with this. We give you our home and everything that you've given to us. We give you this dream house and the dreams of ours that come with it. Guard our hearts. Give us clear direction. If it be your perfect will, if it would be the best thing for our entire family, please open doors and move mountains. We trust you and we rest in the fact that you are all-knowing.
I admit it - we ARE that family, Friends. Part of me just wants to apologize to you over and over again for having to go through this with us, for having to know us and be witness to so many heavy things. Yet, I cannot apologize for my life, my family, our struggles because God is Sovereign, and "there but for the grace of God go YOU (it could easily be you on this journey bc there certainly isn't anything special about us)". I know God wants me to continue to document our ride, our story. I truly believe that we need to learn from each other - when we see, when we know, then we learn. We've learned to love deeper, serve with purpose, give sacrificially, and so much more through our seasons, and our prayer is, that as you read our journey, God will teach you the very same things and even more!
God Bless,
Ryan
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