Bad Dreams, Disappointment and Ellie Kate's Month of Reckless Love

This week, I had a beautiful dream but first, let me fill you in on a few key things so you can really get the jest of it all . . . 

As you may know, to celebrate Ellie Kate's home-going the past three years, we've created Amazon Wish Lists full of books, games and toys for patients who were staying at OU Children's Hospital.  YOU would purchase items directly from the Amazon Wish Lists,and those items were sent directly to our home.  Mike and I would hand-delivered those gifts to patients at OU on December 4th, Ellie Kate's birthday.  After all, Sister Sue spent that last birthday inpatient, where we had a simple little party for her in one of the waiting rooms.  That place, those halls, those rooms are sacred to us and it has been a JOY and delight to hand out gifts to patients while sharing Ellie Kate's story and legacy of Reckless Love; a legacy we want to live out for the rest of our lives. 

Hopefully you've heard that God wanted us to do something different this year. He clearly told us to adopt a small family as part of celebrating Ellie's Month, with the idea of us all coming together in honor of EK, loving, serving and providing for this little family.  The Father literally gave us the perfect family, who's needs are great.  God has also told us to provide for fellow NKH Families around the world,  affected by the same rare and terminal genetic disorder as we are.  We've been led to partner with NKH Crusaders to further "Ellie Kate's Helping Hands", providing wishes of both needs and wants this Christmas.  

So, now that we're all on the same page, let's continue with 

that beautiful dream the Spirit gave to me . . . 

THIS DREAM:  You know the kind, when it's so real you could hear, touch and smell during it's entirety; where you wake up bursting with JOY, grateful for God's faithfulness?! 

Oh Friends, I do so hope you've experienced this in your lifetime!  

In this particular dream, I FELT God's faithfulness, goodness and provision. I was closely watching the Amazon Wish Lists for Ellie Kate's Month of Reckless Love.  In this vivid dream, I literally saw the list for the family we've asked you to join us in adopting this Christmas. I also physically saw the NKH Christmas Wish Lists through NKH Crusaders.

At first in my dream, I saw the Amazon Wish Lists, with the many pictures of items these Sweet Families so desperately need, along with a few little items they want.  Big tears filled my eyes as I realized NONE of the gifts had been purchased and Christmas was almost here! The dreamy tears  flowed and turned into dreamy SOBS.

Out of nowhere, it was as if the Father sweetly lifted my face with His finger.  He had been standing there, looking at the lists with me the entire time and all of a sudden, in some ultra-speedy way, people started purchasing the gifts from the lists!  "PURCHASED!" popped up over and over and over again, and Mike and I were filled with JOY and excitement!

In my dream, I kept praising and thanking God for His provision, for clearly stepping in and fulfilling the needs of families HE alone laid on our hearts.  I praised Him for allowing us to physically SEE His provision, knowing EVERY wish had been granted, knowing EVERY need had been met, knowing EVERY gift would be delivered in time for Christmas morning.  In the dream, I worshiped God as Jehovah Jireh, "the God who provides", and that's when I awoke, still filled with JOY and THANKSGIVING!

Yesterday (Thanksgiving Day), I excitedly looked 
at those same Amazon Wish Lists and I was shocked.  

My dream was coming true - when looking at the lists,  

I saw NOTHING has been purchased off of ANY of our lists. 

Unfortunately, I realize I haven't posted or promoted our lists like I have in past years. Even so, I am terribly disheartened, and being raw with you, I'm sick to my stomach thinking about our Adoptive Christmas Family and our fellow NKH Families, for at this point, NONE will receive the items they need, nor the items they long for this year. 

At this time, our families will not have a single present under the tree in honor of Ellie Kate's Month of Reckless Love, and the mere thought of that breaks my heart into a million pieces.  

Questions flood my mind . . . 

• What have Mike and I done wrong to make it so no one has participated so far? In years's past, most wish lists have been filled and sent to our home for wrapping by this time! 
• Did changing our giving "focus" for the Month of Reckless Love bring too much confusion? Instead of handing out gifts to patients at Children's Hospital, we've clearly felt led to provide Christmas (wants and needs) to a precious, local family in need.  We've also decided to support our fellow NKH families in need, filling their wishes for the "Ellie Kate Helping Hands Project" through NKH Crusaders.  We know God told us to do this, but where is His faithful proof?
• Has it been too long now since Ellie died? Have people just simply, innocently, forgotten about Ellie Kate and The Month of Reckless Love we do in her honor?  It has been four years this December 23rd, and it's completely understandable if people forget, or no longer feel the urgency in supporting these efforts which to us, keep Ellie Kate's name and legacy alive.

As I said, this December 23rd marks FOUR YEARS since Ellie Kate's passing.  FOUR YEARS since I last held her, since I last felt her heartbeat or kissed those gorgeous, pink, full lips and those sweet little earlobes.  To us, it's like yesterday and at moments, like a lifetime ago.  I have learned to never, ever expect people to really "get it".  I don't expect people to understand or remember the anniversaries, birthdays or hard days such as holidays, family celebrations.  Only those who've truly lost a child of their own, whom they've raised, birthed, then buried - only they can bear witness to the type of pain, heartache;  the waves of grief we've tasted too frequently.  Only they know the sleepless nights (like Thanksgiving Night for me), the grief-sickness, and everything in-between.

The holidays are especially rough as you see those close to you happy, continuing to make memories with those they love; you realize again that there are no more memories to be made with your child. There's a sting when walking by that section of clothes where you used to shop for your daughter.  No more Christmas wish lists for him or for her.  There won't be any presents for them  at the Family Holiday Gathering, and why should there be?  They are gone, but the feelings can be ever-so-tender.

This is when the dagger-thoughts start creeping in, "Do they even realize she's gone from the Kid Table? That there's one less place setting again this year?".  "Do my parents, my brothers and sisters, even the cousins - do they remember his/her laugh and mannerisms?".  We often wonder, especially during the holidays, "Will anyone say her name? Will they share a memory (esp without me having to instigate it)?" or maybe, "When we go around the table saying what we are thankful for, will anyone mention My Child?  Or has it simply been too long for everyone else but us?".

It's during this most difficult time that our family needs encouragement from the Body of Christ - from our friends and family around the world.  Is it selfish to shout your needs to the world? Well, I believe the Lord wants me to share my needs and brokenness with you and with those around me, because He wants others to see Christians (true followers of Christ) hurt, mourn and question during life's most tragic times, just like any other human do.  The Body of Christ is called to share each other's burdens and most of the time, I won't know your burden unless you share it with me.  It's what we're called to do; it's in our nature, in our calling as Followers of Christ. Jesus called His Disciples to sell all they had to give away so that they could FULLY follow Him.  He gave them mandates to love, serve and give to the hurting, the widowed, the poor (physically poor and poor in spirit), and the same is true today. Friends, because of the Holy Spirit, we are fully capable of loving these same ways! 

I wish I could explain how important it is to our family that Ellie Kate is remembered, that her legacy continues through others who've known Ellie Kate personally; by those who have known OF and ABOUT EK  and by those who've known and experienced reckless love 

because of her precious life!

Dear Friends, thank you for sticking with me this far on this post.  Let me wrap it all up here below and although I know it isn't a spotless package wrapped perfectly and without flaw, I DO invite you to still open it, to still take part!  

Read here until the very end and click on the links 

to see how you can give, what you can give and who you can give to.  

Christmas Family Adoption 2016

 Our Christmas adopted family  is in great need of almost everything, as they hardly have any possessions of their own. They sleep on beaten-up mattresses, laying directly on the floor.  Their furniture (given to them or taken from out of dumpsters) has holes from cigarette burns and are covered in stains.  They sleep with little blankets and mom wears the same pair of jeans each day.  All three family members share a little flip phone, even though the daughter is in high school and the son is in 2nd grade.  They also do not have a car or computer.   

Although momma especially is incredibly clean and keeps their little home immaculate, she can only use the washer and dryer at the apartment complex.  This only happens when they have detergent and quarters to pay for the machines.  Father/husband is out of the picture and isn't responsible for any financial help at this time (he physically is unable to assist for the foreseeable future).  

Our Adoption Family is just Mom, her teenage daughter and their little son, desperately trying to figure out how to survive, how to find a job while not having a car to get to and from work, etc.  

Would you please consider purchasing an item off of the Adopted Family's Amazon Wish List? 
(click on the link above to see the family's lists) 

 Remember, this Amazon Wish List gives you great ideas (and sizes too), but you do NOT have to order only from Amazon.  You can purchase these items, or even similar items!  There are items from all price-ranges, too!  It was difficult to get the family to list items other than just socks, underwear and groceries, which is further proof of how humble and genuine they truly are.  I had to prod and poke them to choose things for an Amazon Wish List, and I encouraged them to "go big" and put a few extravagant wishes on the lists as well.  You never know what the Lord might lead an individual or Community Group, Life Group, Small Group, Sunday School class, Church, or even one individual to give this Christmas season!!! 

***********************************************

"Ellie's Wish" for fellow NKH Families from around the World

As part of the Ellie Kate Helping Hands Fund through NKH Crusaders (which is the main organization supporting NKH families as well as NKH research around the world), these special Amazon Wish Lists were created specifically for individual NKH families.  These particular families were chosen because of their background within the NKH Community and because 

of the needs their children with NKH have at this time.

  Families were encouraged to choose items that would bless them this Christmas - gifts for their special AND typical children, as well as needs for their disabled child(ren), 

which aren't currently covered by insurance.  

Would you please consider purchasing an item off one of our NKH Family's Wish Lists (click on the link below to see each Amazon Wish List)?

NKH Family 1

NKH Family 2

NKH Family 3

NKH Family 4

God truly IS faithful and I BELIEVE He WILL fulfill each and every one of these lists!  I believe He will meet the needs of these precious people whom He has laid on our hearts, whom He has told us to share with you.  I believe the dream He gave me will come true, and ALL of us will see the Father at work as Jehovah Jireh, the God Who Provides!  

Thank you for taking part of this most important time of year for us; for remembering Our Daughter and through that, breathing life into our hearts once again.  There are many other good and happy things happening and we cannot wait to share them with you!  We will do so very soon, especially since the gifts will start coming in and our hearts will be at peace, knowing you remember and care!

With Gratefulness, Expectation and Love,

Ryan

On the Night You Were Born

"On the night you were born, 

the moon smiled with such wonder

that the stars peeked in to see you

and the night wind whispered, 

Life will never be the same.

For never before in story or rhyme

(not even once upon a time)

has the world ever known a you, my friend, 

and it never will, not ever again . . . 

Heaven blew every trumpet

and played every horn

on the wonderful, marvelous

night you were born."

- On the Night You Were Born by Nancy Tillman

On that beautiful Sunday night in December, when Elizabeth Kathleen McLaughlin was born, I knew it was a magical night.  It was special in so many ways; breathtaking, really.  In those moments, as I held her for the first time, I knew my world, my life, had changed.  I didn't know however, that the entire world would never be the same.  What a privilege I've been given in being Ellie Kate's Mother!  And this year, maybe more than ever, I am reminded of how God uses Ellie Kate to touch the lives of others.  Other than knowing Christ, what greater thing could we ask for as parents than for our children to be safe, to feel loved, and for them to make a positive impact on the world around them?  All three things are true for My Daughter.  

Yesterday was truly one of PEACE.  I laid in bed yesterday morning thinking of the peace I felt, grateful for it, and thanking God for each person who has been praying for me to experience His peace on Ellie's birthday. Your prayers do not go un-noticed.

Mike and I arrived at OU Children's like giddy little children yesterday afternoon, ready to hop out and distribute all of the wonderful gifts that you have given.  We met up with Cara from Child Life, who so graciously allows us to do this in honor of Ellie Kate.  Cara is a minister to these families, although that title isn't in her official job description.

We had two giant carts, full to the brim with gifts.  Books, toys, puzzles, games . . . your donations this year were incredible! The entire time we were there last night, Mike and I kept looking at each other and saying, "I can't believe we get to do this!".  The truth is, we wouldn't be able to do it on our own.  We don't have the money to buy nice gifts for so many children.  On our own, we don't have the energy to go up to the hospital, see those same Christmas decorations and walk those same
halls.

our silly candid shot - can you tell we are excited?!

This year we were able to go to three floors, and oh what a joy it was to see those sweet families and those precious children!  Their eyes popped open as they saw the extravagant gifts that they were able to choose from. These aren't second-hand gifts, they are new, amazing gifts and many of these children don't have the opportunity to open new gifts very often.

Some of our favorites were the kids who didn't have family there, either because of difficult circumstances or because they lived out of town or had other children to care for.  These children especially lit up with delight as they chose their gifts.  We were able to remind families that they are loved.  We told them that we were so sorry they were in the hospital at this time of year, and that we know how difficult it can be.  If we hadn't been through life with EK, we never would have been able to have that experience to share with other families.  Without our own journey, we wouldn't be able to tell them that they aren't alone and that they can and will survive this season in their lives.

All of the families and children were special, but a few of them really stood out.  The sweet mom who came back around to find us just so she could give me a hug and say "thank you" one more time, with tears in her eyes.  "H"'s mommy, who was tired and weary from being inpatient with her son for months at a time.  Because of the Lord and HIS strength, we were able to speak life to her and encourage her in ways that only parents of "the club" would really understand (we pray that she will come to Hope Link soon and get connected with other mommas in similar situations!).

We wrapped the night off on the 10th floor in the Transplant Unit.  That's a hard place, ya'll.  Kids can't leave their unit, so their families set up "home" there in their hospital room, glass doors and all.  Our favorite family on this floor was that of Bennett Hanneman.  Bennett is a brave little man with an infectious laugh and gorgeous smile.  He has been through so much in his little life, and now he is preparing for a bone-marrow transplant.  Aimee Hanneman, Bennett's mommy, is one of my very good friends and also a fellow Hope Link mommy.  This family has been in the hospital for several months and they have several more months to go (and that is if all goes as planned).  Would you pray for Aimee, Ben, little Bennett and big sister Adeline as they live in the chaos of hospital life and serious illness?  Pleases also pray that God would restore and preserve Bennett's life. Oh, Father, a part of my heart was left in Bennett's room!

After the hospital, we headed to my parent's house for a little family birthday celebration for Ellie Kate.  I started crying as I walked in the door and saw pictures of our Princess lining the mantle and tables.  It was decorated so sweetly and seeing those beautiful photos, along with our family gathered together . . . it just moved me in such a strong way.  We ate pizza on Hello Kitty plates, just as we did that last birthday up in the hospital with Ellie.  We sat around and talked about her - about our favorite memories, our favorite stories and about what we miss the most.  Mike's parents, My Parents and my sister, will never know how much last night meant to me.  I heard how much they all love Ellie.  To have us all at the table together, talking about Our Girl and how special she STILL IS to us . . . it was a night to remember.  

Friends, thank you for allowing us the opportunity to go and love families like ours.  We do not take your sacrifice, love and gifts lightly.  We carry each one of you in our hearts as we go and meet these families in Ellie's honor.  You help make what could be a very hard day, an incredibly special and life-giving day that we will always look forward to.  How very grateful we are.

I also want to make sure everyone ALWAYS knows that this is NOT about us.  Who knows what you and your family would be doing in this situation?  Who's to say you wouldn't be doing the same thing, or even more?!  God has given us this opportunity.  And though I don't exactly like the way He allowed things to happen, I'm sure glad that He did!  Your prayers, cards, letters, emails, texts, meals, AND gifts for these children, allow us to go out and do things like this in our Daughter's name.  It is because of JESUS and because of His work in YOU.  It will never be about us in any way, shape or form, but rather about Him and His people coming together to love the world around them.

My Dearest Ellie Kate, on the night you were born, the Heavens opened and the Angels did sing!  The Father knew He was placing a very important little person into our hands, and I'm forever thankful that He entrusted you to us. I'm overwhelmed at the gift of YOU and that He gave you to two broken people like me and Daddy. 

You, Little Love, continue to touch the world around you in big and valiant ways.  Because of you, families feel loved and they know that they aren't alone.  Children feel special, remembered and cared-for,  no matter what their outward appearance might be!  Because of your life Sweet One, thousands of people are now open to special needs children, to sick children and their families.  

You have helped others recognize the importance of loving and serving those who are forgotten.  Jesus doesn't forget people who are sick, who are hurting and who are left behind - He runs to them, and your life teaches us to do the same! You made such a difference in the short seven years you lived on this earth, Sister Sue.  You will continue to make a difference in the lives of others forever more.  Because of you Ellie Kate, life will never be the same.  

The Book Drive Is Coming to An End!

That's right folks, the book drive for Ellie Kate's Month of Reckless love, is coming to an end!  We will be delivering and distributing the books NEXT Wednesday, December 4th.  This is the last week for you to hit up the drop boxes around town!  You also still have time to make some Amazon Wish List orders. All drop boxes will be collected by the end of this week, so this is your last chance!  

Here are the links you need in order to help with the book drive . . . 
Ellie's Amazon Wish List

DROP OFF BOXES:
Funky Monkey - 1401 North May Avenue, OKC
Bridgeway Church - 228 West Hefner Road, OKC
Chesapeake Energy - 1600 N. Western, OKC - located in Mike's office; call/text if you'd like to drop off (405-812-3589)
Uptown Kids - 5840 North Classen Blvd #3 (Classen Curve), OKC
Dr. Willoughby, DDS, -1222 S Kelly Ave, Edmond
Keller Williams Norman - 905 24th Avenue NW #A, Norman
Van's Pig Stand, Norman - 320 North Porter Ave, Norman
First Baptist Church, Moore - 301 NE 27th Street, Moore
To The Nines Boutique - 111 West Main St., Moore (Old Towne)
McBride Orthopedic Hospital - 9600 Broadway Extension, Edmond 

Each book and toy will be marked with a bookplate that looks like this, thanks to my sweet and talented friend, Katee Bailey.  We want each and every child who receives a gift on Wednesday, to know Ellie Kate's story and to be inspired by her legacy.  As her mother, this is a way for Ellie to live on . . .

Aren't they lovely?!  And below are the precious flyers that will be around the hospital, inviting children and families to Ellie's Birthday Celebration.  I am blown away by Katee's willingness to help and serve us with her talents!  Truly, the sweetest thing.  

As you know, there are MANY ways to participate in this month of Reckless Love, and there are MANY ways to honor Miss Ellie Kate this December.  The book drive is just the beginning!  So, if you aren't able to help with this part of the Celebration, don't worry - there were be many more ways you can love in Ellie's memory.  

Celebration Details:

The Birthday Celebration will be in the "End Zone" at OU Children's Hospital on December 4th from 3:30-6pm.  It will be a come-and-go event for the families who are inpatient.  We want our dear friends to be there to celebrate and to help with crafts, passing out goodies, handing out gifts, etc.  With that in mind, we cannot have too many folks there, as we want the focus to be on the patients. If you are interested or feel called to take part in the party, please feel free to email me at tullyryan@hotmail.com.  I'd love to hear from you!  

Also, our little family will be delivering books and gifts door-to-door after the Celebration there at the hospital.  We would like the time on the floor to be just our family, including grandparents.  It will be special for us and we will be emotional.  Also, it's "sick" season and there is pneumonia, flu, RSV, and many other things on the floor, and it's overall best to just keep it as a few limited people.  Thank you for understanding and respecting this decision.  

I can't tell you how blessed I am to see so many of you participating already in Ellie's Month of Reckless Love.  It moves me beyond words, and I just cannot wait to kick of the Celebration next Wednesday!!