Morning Has Broken!

My heart is overcome with gratefulness, spilling over with joy!  No, we did not win the lottery or fall into some lofty inheritance.   Mercy who has brought me to this place, allowing heavy, dark concrete to fall off my body, mind and spirit at this moment in time.  This joy isn't because of anything I've done, but I am more grateful for these moments than years of "thank you's" and praises could ever express!  

 

The Spirit speaks to me so often through song. Some may remember the old ballad of Cat Stevens' about a breathtaking morning, the peace so tangible, it dances like a mist over the meadow; the delicate birds begin to sing the songs God placed inside them. 

"Morning has broken like the first morning

Blackbird has spoken like the first bird

Praise for the singing

Praise for the morning

Praise for them springing fresh from the world" 

- Cat Stevens 

For the last thirteen years of our roller-coaster Journey, one desperate song has continually played in my mind, body and spirit.  God placed words in my mouth at the beginning, when Ellie Kate was in the PICU as a newborn, as the doctors told us she would likely die that very night.  I had no words - groanings too deep for words.  Some of you know exactly what I mean.   I only remember the chorus, but maybe that's all I'm supposed to have stamped upon my heart . . .  

"Oh, Lord Jesus, Come quickly to me!" 

 

 

But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience. Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God.

Romans 8:25-27

At times in recent years, I've felt empty and broken, as if a piece of me were missing - a piece I needed to keep going.  During the trials and heartaches of this life, every single one of those feelings is normal.  Every feeling is okay to have, to FEEL.  Don't be ashamed of those feelings - there is nothing to be ashamed of, Dear One.  You are human; God made you with feelings and created you in a way to express them. 

 

There are no magic words, no specific Christian book to read or Study to go through; your heart and mind won't change when you hope or "wish" it away.  No, it comes in the Lord's timing.  He may give you this joy and freedom DURING a struggle, or He may do so in between the seemingly constant trials.  All we can do, all we MUST do as Believers, is SURRENDER - surrender over and over, our hearts always bent before God. 

 

Your Father WILL sweep in and show Himself in your life, even in the midst of the heaviest trial.  He is, "Mighty to save", continually moving mountains on behalf of His beloved Children (even if we don't see them).  

 

 "The Lord your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; 

he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; 

he will exult over you with loud singing".

Zephaniah 3:17

 

Our God continually PROMISES to make ALL things work out for YOUR GOOD (and the good of your children, spouse, family), and for HIS GLORY.  As followers of Christ, what more could we want in this life than for God to be glorified through our lives and the lives of our children, AND for Christ to get the glory for everything?!? 

 For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare 

and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.

Jeremiah 29:11 (ESV)

 

This is God’s Word on the subject: “As soon as Babylon’s seventy years are up and not a day before, 

I’ll show up and take care of you as I promised and bring you back home. 

I know what I’m doing. 

I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, 

plans to give you the future you hope for.

Jeremiah 29:11 (MSG)

 
Oh, Father!  Thank you for this glimpse of happiness, joy and sweet expectation!  Thank you for relieving my heavy burdens, even if only for a moment!  How grateful I am to breathe so lightly, to rest so deeply and freely, knowing I can trust YOU with everything.  Life will always be difficult.  I will continue to live in survival mode because of our circumstances, however, YOU are there.  I find hope and peace, knowing you are using all of this for the good of my children, my family.  How humbled I am that YOU would be glorified in me, a broken and sinful human.  When I'm next in the darkness; if the heaviness of these trials once again dims my spirit, may I remember the feather-weight of these days.  

 

I Surrender, 

Ryan

 

CONNER is enjoying his freshman year at Westmoore and is working hard, playing on the soccer team.  High school is a whole new world, but we are incredibly proud of the young man Conner continues to be - tender-hearted, affectionate, witty, helpful with his sisters and patient with his brother. His life brings peace, balance and LAUGHTER to our Home.  I'm so grateful for Conner (or, 'Boy' as Bowen calls him). 

BIG grin from Henry - looking up to Big Bub

 

HENRY has been initiating his schoolwork and chores, showing more and more of the "Real Henry" we know and have missed.  He's growing more responsible and even more affectionate, hanging on to every verbal affirmation that comes his way.  Henry has changed for the BETTER since his IVIG treatment last fall, and we've seen a HUGE difference in his life.  His life is more calm and steady, without as many highs and lows.  He is able to eat and has gained back the weight lost last summer due to PANDAS symptoms.  Henry's playing soccer again this year and has played every game in it's entirety (without taking a mental break , quick walk to calm his mind, not even a break for reassurance from me!  This is HUGE.  I hope to update more on Henry soon.  In the meantime, THANK YOU for praying for our Sweet Boy.  Thank you for giving, helping to provide a way for him to go to D.C., paying for his IVIG treatment - a treatment which has clearly changed his little life for the better! 

Look at the smiles on those faces!

 

BOWEN is a light and complete JOY!  Speaking in sentences now, we take great delight in hearing her speak, which happens to be quite often.  Bowie is athletic and is now obsessed with our "mamboleen" (trampoline).  She's small for her age, which just adds to the fun for me, as I want her to stay a baby as long as possible:).  Bowie Jane is just as strong-willed as our other kids, and has recently said, "Mommy, YOU MUST obey me!", "Mommy, PLEASE, no talk, no sing (I like to hum and sing around the house)".  She's graduated from "Bubba" to "Enry" (Henry), although she still goes back and forth on those.  My parent's dog is named, "Duggah" (Sugar) and Lucy's name is not only "Sissy", but also, "Juicy" (Lucy).  She enjoys singing, "Lucy, My Belle" with me - a favorite of "Juicy's", which PawPaw Stan would sing to her often.  Mike and I can't imagine life without Bow, and the boys often say the same.  

Joyous Bowen!

 

LUCY is growing, which is wonderful!  A year ago at this time, Lucy was so still ill and thin; she barely had energy to move at all on her own, something she loves to do.  Now, she's weighing heavier than ever, which is a MIGHTY blessing!!  Her energy level amazes us, although she still literally falls asleep anytime, in any place, in any position (she's a flexible pretzel due to the affect NKH has on her muscle tone).  She's moving more and more on her own, pulling herself up to her knees.  We haven't seen Lucy this happy and have not heard her giggle this much, since she was an infant.  It is a GIFT we don't take for granted.  

Happy Day at the Park!

 

Mike and I have counted approximately 30 urinary tract infections, which Lucy has had in her seven short years on earth.  This is heartbreaking to us and, through many tests over the last several years, we know Lucy retains her urine and the retaining is only worsening, instead of getting better.  The medications we've tried have not worked.  Lucy's still often in pain and at times, in her own way, can show/tell us what's hurting.  I know how excruciatingly painful my Intercystial Cystitis can be, and I fully believe that is how Lucy feels, likely even worse.  I can't imagine a child in such pain.

 

Even though Lucy is on Palliative Care, we have decided, with her specialists, it would be best to place a permanent catheter.  Most of the time, surgery wouldn't be done on someone on Hospice or Palliative Care, but we all agree this step is a MUST for keeping Lucy as pain-free and happy as possible. The catheter will allow us to drain Lucy's urine as needed, preventing retention, which in turn, helps to prevent bacteria growth, which in turn, eliminates or limits the amount of infections, which in turn, makes a happy and healthy Lucy Belle!  She will have to go "under" and be placed on a ventilator during the surgery, something we are extremely nervous about, as there is no assurance Lucy will wake up from that state.  We've never chartered this territory before; EK never had bladder issues, so it will be a new learning experience for us all.  Surgery is set for the end of April.  

Thank you for praying.  Thank you for loving.  Thank you for supporting us, in so many ways. We'll keep you posted.

PRAISE-FILLED Post - the McLaughlin Summer and Adoption Garage Sale!

Zipadeedoodah, Summer Is Here!  Per usual McLaughlin Style, this first week of “vacation” has NOT been a disappointment in the area of excitement.  First up, I’ll be filling you in on our VERY important Adoption Garage Sale and then move on to updating on The Girls and then, The Boys.  Here we go . . .

Adoption Garage Sale – You may be asking, “What in the world IS an ‘Adoption Garage Sale”? The answer is simple:  it’s a garage sale dedicated to raising funds for a specific adoption.  The goal of OUR Adoption Garage Sale is to raise the final funds needed in order to make Bowen’s Adoption official!  While we DO have legal custody of our Precious Girl, we are bursting with excitement at the thought of giving Bowen Jane our last name, forever and always making her a part of our family.  So, with our goal just over the horizon, we decided to hold a garage sale which would help us clean out our home, while also focusing on this VERY worthy goal (Bowen!).  Generous friends have even come along beside us, donating their OWN items to our sale, which first took place last Saturday. Because of those donations, last Saturday’s Sale was a HUGE HIT and we raised more than we had hoped or expected!  In fact, we had SO many quality items left over, we’ve decided to extend our sale and host it AGAIN, THIS Saturday, JUNE 3^rd (TOMORROW)!  Now, the forecast says it may be a bit stormy from time to time on Saturday, but we’ll host the sale come rain or shine; and, if we need to, we will hold it again NEXT weekend too! 

Even though it’s last-minute, we ae still taking donations for the Adoption Garage Sale!  If you have nice, quality items you’d like to pass on to us in order to raise funds for Bowen’s Adoption finalization, we will be HAPPY to take them!  You are welcome to drop them on our porch or in our driveway, OR you can call one of us to make alternate plans (see below for contact info).  We will also gladly accept items which could be sold online via FB, craigslist, etc.  

While Mike and I wish we had the ability to pick up every donation, we simply just aren’t able to due to many big reasons, to be honest.  We are very grateful for any items which can be brought to us!  If other arrangements are needed OR if you need our specific home address, please contact either one of us directly- Mike: 405-812-3589; Ryan: 405-923-8562. 

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THE GIRLS . . .

Lucy’s started crawling in the form of tiny “hops”, exactly like Ellie Kate.  This is a HUGE thing for Lu Lu and although she’s just getting started, we have no doubt she’ll soon be independently mobile like her Big Sister once was.  The sounds of sweet knees dragging across our tile floors will be a MUCH-welcomed sound – it’s a sound we’ve missed beyond comprehension.

Actually, Lucy’s on a roll, having lost THREE teeth, which is all new to us seeing as Sweet EK never did lose a single tooth.  Like most special needs/medically fragile children, we think Lucy’s likely swallowed those first two baby teeth, much to my heartbreak (seriously, I’ve been wailing over this as I so want a tangible part of My Girl to keep for always - okay, ‘wailing’ could be an exaggeration, but I have been very sad and my bottom lip has continually been sticking out, hee hee).  Then Today, I had the joy and PRIVILEGE of being a typical mom, joyfully yanking a third little tooth out of Lucy’s precious mouth (yanking/pulling/tipping – not much difference, right? ha!).  Even though she bit me, locking those strong jaws around my finger, it was WELL-worth-it to have at least ONE prized baby tooth from Lucy Belle. I truly believe the Father granted the tooth desire for this momma, and I’m so grateful.

Miss Bowen is GROWING and changing, with new sounds and giggles.  She’s still trying to perfect, “mama” at her tender age of FIVE months and has now added, “bubba”.  Bowen too, is trying her hand (err, body?) at independence, and is starting to “hop” JUST like Lucy Belle.  We have this little, tiny froggie who giggles and wrinkles her perfect little nose at us just “so”, and we melt. Just last night, she started reaching for us, which is HUGE for me and Mike, and makes us feel so “Wanted”, as silly and obvious as that sounds.  

Two Darling McLaughlin Girls –

One losing teeth, One whose teeth are 

just breaking through;

Both happy, hopping, 

and soon-to-be extremely independent!

The Boys . . .

Both Conner and Henry are REALLY enjoying Summer Break already!  The eldest enjoys reading and watching, “The Office” re-runs, and is learning to mow and care for the yard.  The youngest is learning to be more disciplined and organized and has made new friends close by, which means he’s always (and I mean, ALWAYS) wanting to jump on his bike to go visit those friends.  It’s a JOY to have little men in and out of our house constantly and even though there are sticky counters, half-empty cups of juice and milk all over the house and toys they trade with each other constantly, I wouldn’t trade it!  It’s something we’ve longed for with Henry – for him to have good friends, especially in the neighborhood, and God has given Him just that!  Now, if we can just get everyone to a pool – at the same time, with all of our gear . . . no small feat!

PRAISE!!!

Ya’ll, God has done something incredible for us and we are TRULY full of JOY!  Even though we need Him to provide and many details must both be worked out, we have a plan and steps to get there, which is HUGE – things we’ve never before had! 

You may know from previous posts that we have been working very hard on getting Henry into a PANDAS facility or into an international PANDAS specialist THIS SUMMER.  We’ve felt like this summer is a timeline God has given us – a time to “make it or break it” with Henry, so to speak.  We KNOW that God WILL do BIG THINGS for Henry this summer, especially.  We just haven’t known how and haven’t had any direction, even though we’ve desperately been searching for doctors, specialist, facilities, treatments, and more.  This week however, we received a call back from a PANDAS Specialist in Washington, D.C. – a specialist who also happens to be a neurologist!  The BEST news . . . she’s accepted Henry as a patient and she’s agreed to SEE HIM in her clinic on July 24^th!!!!!  Can you even believe it?!  We are still in AWE and a little shocked, to be honest.  This well-known doctor, who is featured in the PANDAS documentary, My Kid’s Not Crazy . . . THIS doctor has agreed to see Henry, with the support and recommendation of ALL of Henry’s doctors here in Oklahoma!  We are ELATED and asking the Lord to work out the details.  THANK YOU, Lord, for YOUR faithfulness!!

So, there you have it!  Thus is the beginning of the McLaughlin’s Summer 2017, with a roller-coaster ride of loose teeth and teething babies, hopping babies and independent little girls, with blonde boys riding bikes and mowing lawns!  A family preparing for a trip to Washington, D.C. while also preparing to forever and always add a Precious Daughter to our Clan, one who fits perfectly and is already Beloved more than she could possibly imagine.  We thank you for going along for the ride, for sticking it out, for watching us rise and fall along the twists and turns.  YOU spur us on to keep going and we couldn’t be more grateful.

DON’T FORGET!  

ADOPTION GARAGE SALE TOMORROW,

Benefiting Baby Girl McLaughlin

SATURDAY, JUNE 3^rd at 8am

Vintage Farms Neighborhood –

off of SW 134^th Street, just East of South Pennsylvania Ave.

*Follow the NEON GARAGE SALE SIGNS,

Taking you to THE BIG SALE on SW 132^nd Street!

Sale items include:

·        CLOTHING and SHOES - from Armani, Cabi, Talbots, Express, Limited, Banana Republic, Dillard’s brands, and MORE! 

·        SHOES – kids, women’s and men’s, all shapes, brands, seasons and sizes!

·        ANTIQUES – furniture, dishes, artwork, décor, and more!

·        PURSES and ACCESSORIES – Coach, Michael Kors, and MORE!

·        TOYS

·        HOME DÉCOR

·        And MORE!

Most items in the sale are in great condition; most clothes and shoes are new with tags or look brand new!

Hope to See You There!

Ryan

For other ways to contribute to the D.C. trip OR to Bowen’s Adoption, please contact us directly

A Difficult Update

I've started and stopped this post no less than ten times.  There is so much to say, so much difficult news to share, that it's hard to even know where to start and where to stop.  So, I'm not putting it off any longer and I'm diving in and posting this evening, for better or for worse.  Bear with me and hold tight as my heart is raw and open, and I plan on laying it all out on the table . . .

Life has been extremely difficult.  Dark, heavy, heated, strained - we've felt all of those things and more over the last few months in particular.  Depression has come and gone in me, in Mike and the kids as we've faced some harsh realities.

Lucy has been suffering greatly.  She's lost weight and her body isn't working the way it needs to, nor the way that it should.  Lucy is often in immense pain and is up most nights screaming out in both pain and fear, sometimes seizures are involved and sometimes they aren't.  This marked decline in Lucy's health has come on rapidly and has included a recent hospital stay as well as doctor and ER visits, and the usual battery of tests.  We know her bladder is retaining urine which is causing some pain and we know now too that Lucy has bladder spasms.  My heart hurts for her knowing she's dealing with these things, as I too face those same diagnoses and they are super painful and frustrating - and that's for me as a typical adult!  How much more frustrating and agonizing it must be to have waves of pain you cannot describe or even seek help for?!

Happy Lucy with her Easter Basket!

Pure, Innocent JOY!

Our Sweet Girl has missed so much school this semester because of the pain and because of her sleepless, scream-filled and restless nights. We've even taken a break from our outpatient therapies which Lucy has been a part of since leaving the NICU at one month of age.  It's all just too much for LuLu, at least for now.  While I know she misses her friends and activities, I find great peace and in knowing I can help her in this way, by alleviating stressors and avoiding foreseeable pain. I get to be Lucy's mommy by doing this, by providing for her needs in these ways. 

It's hard to believe, but Lucy will be SIX at the end of September and the knowledge that Ellie Kate was barely seven when she died, hits me often now, taking my breath away more times than I can count.  We didn't think Lucy would follow after or pattern Ellie Kate in progression, but it's been noted that she very well may be rapidly progressing and declining around the same timeline as her Big Sister.  What do we do with that information?  How do we parent that, live and love through that and do it all well?

Lord, help my heart and capture my thoughts!  

LuLu and Bowie, all dolled up for Easter 

(Check out Lucy's pretty necklace, which he is so proud of here in this photo)!  

Lucy LOVES her some Bowen Jane (most of the time) - 

look at this genuine smile of happiness and LOVE!  

Henry too is suffering, although PANDAS is oh-so-different than NKH.  His MRI showed no changes in the brain malformations and though we are quite grateful for that good news, almost everything is overshadowed by the fact that PANDAS wreaks havoc on every single part of our lives - ALL of our lives and not just Henry's.  The mental illness it brings on, the confusion, the extreme OCD, the imprisoning social anxieties, the stifling separation anxiety and more - it's all VERY hard, EXTREMELY hard, SO much harder than what we deal with daily for Lucy, and I mean that in all sincerity.  

There is no true formula to follow with this new disease and we are still struggling to get in with the right doctors and to make the connections needed to overcome and survive PANDAS.  We so desperately want to do more than just survive - we want everyone in our family to get to a healthy place on the other side of this.

Yes, Lord, we SO DESPERATELY WANT to get on the other side of this, 

IF there is another side, a winning side, the OVERCOMING side.  

Easter Sunday, 2017

 

It looks like we will soon go out of state for treatment for Henry and while we don't know exactly where to go, we have been given a short list of doctors and facilities to possibly visit.  This is something we are praying hard about and asking God to miraculously open doors for appointments and tests, and asking the Lord to provide for it all, someway, somehow.  We need the Lord to move mountains, Friends and I say that with everything that I am, completely being open and honest.  We can't have Henry continuing to live in the stressful way that he is living now and we refuse to allow that stressfulness to so detrimentally affect the rest of our household.  It WILL NOT WIN.  We need God to sweep in and literally and save the day for Henry and for us as his family!  We need Him to supernaturally move in the hearts of doctors on our behalf, promptting them to see Henry, prompting them to treat Henry, prompting them HELP our Henry.  Would you pray alongside us for these things mentioned above?  

Oh, My Friends, it isn't ALL "doom and gloom", although I'm sure it seems like it's that way with our family sometimes (I'm so sorry for that, by the way).  Here are some of the GOOD things God has reminded me of and recent signs of His faithfulness: 

• Henry was seen by a new PANDAS Immunologist here in OKC recently and we are anxiously awaiting results from testing he had done with her.  We are grateful to have this opportunity here near home!  
• The New Doc has suggested IVIG treatment, which was also suggested by Henry's other specialists, so we DO have an idea of where we need to go (the direction).  This is a big deal and we are grateful to at least now have a map to follow.
• As of this week, Henry has officially finished his work with homebound services!  This is a HUGE accomplishment as daily work has been increasingly difficult to tackle.  But, Henry did it and is set to successfully go into the third grade!  YAY!
• God brought us a new "Gatekeeper" in the form of a Nurse Practitioner at the Sooner Pediatric Clinic, and she is gladly taking on our entire family (which is a big deal since we are so complicated!) and is helping us get connected with proper resources for each child.  
• Conner is wrapping up his 7th-grade year and I'm increasingly grateful for his NON-type-A personality!  
• Bowen Jane is growing like a WEED and a growing baby is a true gift - one we surely won't take for granted!  
• Mike's job is steady and he continues to love his work AND the people he works with - that is a gift we are grateful for!
• Hope Link continues to grow with new moms and families all the time with two fundraisers taking place this month alone - fundraisers that God brought to us!  God continues to show us favor and is making Hope Link all HE wants it to be, which is what we want too! 

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More on Conner . . . 

Our laid-back, eldest son now wears his daddy's shoes and has grown FOUR sizes in pants this year alone (we are now in men sizes for everything, ya'll).  Conner easily picks me up now and tries to carry me around the house, which must be some rite-of-passage for young, teenage boys and their mommas and truthfully, I don't mind it one bit.  Conner loyally loves his friends and is looking forward to the end of school, although he already has several books picked out for "summer reads". This boy of ours is turning into a man, right before our eyes and we are so proud of the tender-hearted, gentle, thoughtful, and kind young man Conner is growing into.  He adores his little sisters and has especially fallen in love with Bowen, and I often find him carrying her around the house, cradeled in his arms, and I often hear the trailings of his hilarious musings with her, as he tells Bown all about the world and current events, in a cute, high-pitched voice that I am SURE he would HATE for me to record (I better record it soon bc it's so sweet!).  

Although I do often wonder where those first-born traits of competitiveness, perfectionism, organization, etc are within Conner Mac, I am increasingly grateful for Conner's lack of need for all of those things.  Conner is exactly who he needs to be, who God created him to be, perfectly equipped for this unpredictable, messy, wildlife we live.  

More on Bowen . . . 

This Little Love will be FIVE months old on May 23rd and I can hardly believe it!  Oh, how healing Bowen Jane has been and continues to be, for our hearts and for our home, Friends!  

I had no idea just what a gift God was giving us with this precious little girl of ours and I am absolutely sure there will be layers upon layers of blessings where This Gift is concerned and I have NO doubt we will be spending the rest of our lives enjoying her and watching the blessings and gifts continue to unfold right before us.  

Everything has fallen into place and we are just waiting for our final date before the judge, when Bowen's last name will change to ours, forever.  That day will come soon but we have a few things that must be done first, including paying everything off as far as the adoption is concerned.  Although we had hoped to already have this behind us, I've learned that not much in "adoption world" is black and white or follows a certain timeline or checklist, especially since we are doing the adoption privately.  We hope to make it official very soon as we SO LONG to have the "official" part of it all behind us once and for all, forever!  

Bowen Jane, Easter 2017

Our Sweet, JOYFUL Girl at 4months 

Oh, Father!  Thank you for this MOST Precious Gift of Bowen Jane, 

this little girl we never knew we would have, but who we very much have always wanted!  

You knew the longings of our heart, Lord.  

You heard the cries from our innermost beings - the broken hearts of a daddy and a momma - 

and you've decided to LOVE us and HEAL us by giving us another Daughter in Bowen!! 

You've surely blessed us beyond what we deserve, 

so far beyond what we could ever hope or dream, Lord. 

 It has nothing to do with us and has EVERYTHING to do with YOU, 

as it is YOU who made this plan with us, with Bow's biological mom, 

and with all of the other players in our story.  

You connected us out of the blue, in YOUR timing, God. 

 You did it in unexpected ways and have continued to 

fulfill your promises to me through Isaiah.  

We give YOU the glory for all that is Bowen Jane McLaughlin!  

Lord, you've given us this Baby Girl in your perfect timing and 

we ask that you would officially bring her into our family in your perfect timing.  

You have provided for this from even before it all started, God (only MY God could do that!), 

and we trust you as you stand in control of it all now as well.  

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A few last words to encourage your heart . . . 

Maybe you are like me and you've recently endured a season of depression.  

Maybe you still are IN that depression and the weight on your chest seems to grow heavier every day.  God sees you and He sees the burdens too.  He knows they are too heavy for you to carry, so He asks that you lay them down and stop trying to carrying them on your own.  You CAN stop trying to do it all on your own. That's actually, exactly where He wants you to be - at the end of yourself.  Cry out to Him from that spot, Friend.  He is always open to you, always listening, always loving.  

Psalm 143:7-8 

Answer me quickly, O Lord! My spirit fails! Hide not your face from me, lest I be like those who go down to the pit. Let me hear in the morning of your steadfast love, for in you I trust. Make me know the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul.

Maybe you've found yourself hardened, maybe even bitter - 
bitter towards the broken world around you or even bitterness toward your friends, family or God.  

In this world of great heartache and brokenness, it's so easy to compare ourselves and our possessions;  it's so easy to get caught up in the trappings of this world which are already fading away.  Surely, our hearts can be hardened to stone over bitterness, jealousy, envy, strife, and anger. Allow your heart to be palpable by God, just like clay in the hands of The Ultimate Artist.  A soft heart is a beautiful, beating heart; a heart that desperately depends upon God for . . . everything.  

May this be our prayer, that God would place within us a new, tender heart that beats for Him - 

"And I will give you a new heart, and I will put a new spirit in you. I will take out your stony, stubborn heart and give you a tender, responsive heart". 

Ezekiel 36:26 NLT

Dependence upon God is a BEAUTIFUL, glorious, thing! 

Allow yourself to surrender to the Father, asking Him to soften your heart and breath newness in you! Ask Him to drive out the bitterness and hardness of heart and He WILL replace it with something soft, workable and tender.   He WILL do it because He loves us more than we could possibly imagine - He loves us too much to allow us to grow stagnent and hard.  He longs for a living, breathing relationship with us, one of great dependence on our part because when we are less, HE is MORE.  

Ellie Kate's Spot
Easter 2017

Maybe you are like our family, and you've been called to leave the unfamiliar.  

We've recently found ourselves without an official "church home".  
For us, God has clearly shown that our Church Family needs to be closer to our actual home, although we've struggled with this and truly put off the Lord's leading for a few years now.  It isn't a fun (or even pleasant) place to be, searching for God's best for your family, especially when you are leaving a home (church home, physical home, actual city, state, etc) which you have dearly loved.  

If this is you, please know that all of your fears and feelings are normal and God understands them because He is the one who created feelings in the first place!  You know what, though?  You and I do not need to live in fear or allow our minds and hearts to stay there, even if you are being called to live in an unknown place (whatever that 'unknown' might be for you or for your family).  As Believers, we can rest in knowing that God WILL cause All things (even the uncomfortable, even fear, even the unknown) and He will, without a doubt, use it all for His glory.  Not only that, He will use all of those things for YOUR good as well! 

 God has your best interest at heart and you can trust Him.  

1 Peter 5:7Living Bible (TLB)7 

Let him have all your worries and cares, for he is always thinking about you and watching everything that concerns you.

Maybe you are so broken and are so tired of heartache, sickness, trouble, and trials which seem to be never-ending.  
Oh, I can so relate!  

May it ease your pain and lift your spirit to know that you are in good company, Friend.  

Throughout Scripture, those nearest to the Heart of God, are often subjected to terrible loss of all kinds, including unimaginable heartache, pain, sickness, torture, and more.  

Think about the faithful men of the Old Testament - Moses, Abraham, Job, David - 

ALL of these men walked with the Lord.  

He knew their hearts and they had personal relationships with God. 

 David is even called, "A man after God's own heart", 

and He is arguably one of the most blatantly sinful God-lovers there was.  

Yes, there were great victories in the name of Jehovah, but there were great losses, great misunderstandings, great heartaches, great pains, sicknesses, and more. 

Look on to the New Testament and we see the Disciples continuing the Ministry of Jesus after He ascended to heaven to sit at the right Hand of God - these precious followers lost all they had.  They had to leave all they had, in many cases, for the sake of the Gospel and in order for the Good News of Christ to be shared around the world.  There were imprisonments, beatings, and tortures; they fell ill just like any other regular human being would in those days.  Many lived destitute according to the world's standards and many died imprisoned, even dying a martyr's death because of their allegiance to God, Son, and Holy Spirit.  

Recognize your fragile state and bring it before the Lord.  You don't have to live in that place forever.  Ask Him to help make you obedient - ask Him to show you how to choose to better obey Him, and I promise you that He will do just that and MORE.  

• God is the ONLY true freedom and He alone is our answer to all problems and heartaches
• It won't always be perfect - if it were, then we wouldn't need God.  
• God has so graciously created us to need Him quite desperately, and desperately needing God, crying out to Him like a child who needs their daddy, is the best place a Christian can be.  
• Surrender may not change your circumstances, but it WILL change your heart - I know that first hand!
• You will be so impressed with the results of your surrendering, so freed by what He does, that you will wonder why you ever held tight to things in the first place

YOU ARE NOT ALONE IN YOUR SUFFERING, Friend.  THERE IS A PURPOSE FOR IT ALL, of that I am sure.  Trust God.  Surrender it all to Him.  Choose to obey and ask Him to give you a heart of obedience.  He will do all of these things and more, because of His great love for you!

In His Hope, 

Ryan

Isaiah 43:1-43