The Learning Curve - It's All About Grace

The past few months, I've been on a personal learning curve.  This Learning Curve has played-out in every aspect of my own life as we've been surrounded by change.  Many things are reminders of what I've learned in the past three years since Ellie Kate passed away, but many things are NEW.  All experiences and epiphanies make us grow and help us change into better human beings, better Believers, better parents . . .  BETTER. 

Here are some ways God has been teaching me and how

He's been stretching me to trust Him more:

• It's okay to still mourn my Daughter, Ellie Kate.  It hasn't been too long - it will NEVER be "too long".  It's also okay for some days, to feel the same initial pain as I did in the beginning. It's OKAY. 
• It's okay for me to take time for myself and to do the things I enjoy - walking in nature, exercising, random little day-trips with my family.  These are GOOD things to do and it's okay to drop things and take care of myself and my family in this way. 
• It's okay to let other's down (this is a HUGE one for me).  I can't always make everyone happy all-the-time.  Whether it's forgetting play dates or missing a thank you note/email, I must give myself freedom NOT to be perfect.  I can trust that the LORD meets all of the needs of my Friends. 
• It's okay to still mourn the "normal"- tight friendships we once had or dreams God still has placed deep within our hearts.  What HE wants is for us to stick close to HIM. 
• It's okay for me to think of Ellie Kate every time I see Lucy.  God has allowed it to be that way, and I will choose to rest in that sweetness, even though it sometimes stings my heart. 
• The Father has "fearfully and wonderfully made" ALL of our children, and HE alone knows the ins and outs of their minds, bodies and spirits.  We will cling to this Truth, knowing that somehow, someway, God will use all of these things for the good of our children AND for our good as the Parents!  Most importantly, God will use all of these things to show His Glory!
• It's okay for me to still wonder how we will pay for things; you know, to DOUBT - how we will cover medical bills that have come up this year for ALL of us, etc?  God has reminded me that He owns the cattle on a thousand hills, and He will surely take care of me!  He takes care of the mere sparrow, providing every need; He will surely take care of everyone of OUR needs! Read about it here: My Provider (Psalm 50:10); Do Not Worry (Luke 22:24-32)
• I'm learning to accept - the Special-Needs life often means, what might be normal and expected in the Typical World, isn't what's expected in the world of special-needs.  This is truly hard to accept; it's hard for me to trust God to show the people around me how to love me and my family.  I'm not the ONLY mouthpiece, that's for sure. 
• God has reminded me (and Henry) of Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego - We KNOW how these men were obeying God and yet still were literally and physically thrown into the fire.  But, God rescued them and not only that - He was in the fire with them!  Just like these men, God is with OUR little family in the fire.  Even if God doesn't take it away; even though He has NOT yet taken it away, we will still choose to put our trust in him.  (Read the story here: Daniel 3)

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There's something else I ran across this week - something from a very cool blog.  It truly represents a picture of the special-needs life - the isolating, spinning, overwhelming, constant, permanent, blissful, joyful, rollercoaster of it all.  Parts of this article rang SO true with my own heart, that I found myself in tears reading it - sometimes ugly tears, as the truths are so real. 

Please read the blogpost: Loving a Child Who Cannot Speak 

"There are people in your life who are going through this never ending grief. And they have learned how to blend in. They know how to disappear when they can't blend in and after a few times you stop noticing their absence. But they don't. They wear the guilt of escaping on their shoulders. The isolation adds to their pain. But they simply cannot take one more raised eyebrow from a stranger. Every day they are at the brink of breaking. So give them grace". 

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Oh, Father!  Thank you for your continued grace and forgiveness!  May I learn to show this same type of love to those around me, even when it's hard, even when I feel wronged.  Remind me of your continued faithfulness and provision.  Remind me of the many times you have Divinely Intervened. Turn my mourning into DANCING, even now!  Allow me to truly accept myself where you have me; I give you my needs, desires and mourning.  Continue to bring hope, joy and peace to our family, for our good and for YOUR glory.

Ryan