One of the main reasons we love this get-together is because, at the end of the night, when our bellies our full, we open some bubbly and share about what God has done. We're talking deep, intimate sharing with community. Maybe it's the low-lights and Christmas tree. Maybe it's the fire in the fireplace or the fact that our taste buds are still reeling from an incredible, four-course meal. I believe that it's because of the presence of the Holy Spirit for as, when two or more are gathered, there He is also! It doesn't have to be at church. It can be everyday conversations or annual gatherings with friends.
In all honesty, we had gone to the party, just knowing our cells would ring, causing us to drop everything and head home to a Henry who's PANDAS was once again causing him to be out of control. After all, we were wrapping up the WORST week Henry had EVER had, thus one of THE worst week's WE'VE ever had as a family (barring the loss of Ellie Kate). Our hearts were heavy and they didn't immediately turn to gratefulness. Have you ever felt that way, Friend?
The most beautiful thing happens when we gather together and start sharing their true hearts, without holding back . . . we spur each other on! We gain courage by hearing the stories of others. As Believers, our faith is sparked by hearing about God's faithfulness playing out in the lives of other people - especially when you hear about God's intimate faithfulness, His Providence, within the lives of people who are precious to you.
So then, after everyone had shared, it was our turn . . .
REMEMBER - I remembered back to the last few years when we were sitting right there at that very table, so bruised and bloodied; we were cut to the very core and it felt as if every bone in our bodies had been broken. Our Daughter had DIED, and she had DIED during a time where people were being light-hearted, out spending money, wrapping gifts, singing songs out loud and even humming (I DO realize that much of it is a facad and that many people are hurting during this time of year, but you get the picture). At the party the first year after EK died, there were times I just wanted to run out of the house because I didn't want to hear about vacations, or happy children, or upcoming Christmas parties, gifts, etc. None of that computed with me, and sometimes (many times) it still doesn't (that is normal and okay - for those of you who are mourning).
I also remembered our friends crying with us at that very table, sobbing over us, praying over us, laying hands on us as we cried out loud over the loss of Ellie Kate and as we shared our hearts. This is important: I remember sitting there in desperation, wondering how I could go on - how WE could go on as a family, because it just didn't even seem possible, ya'll. You cannot prepare for death, in any way, shape or form, and we were gutted at the earthly loss of EK. I was gutted right there at that table, especially that first year and I truly wondered if and HOW we would be able to come back to the table for Christmases in the future.
God has been FAITHFUL, and even though we have been through the trenches, we are STILL HERE. Even when we haven't been faithful (and that has been many-a-time), God HAS been. We have survived, and I think we have even thrived! God has brought us closer to each other and closer to HIM. He has brought us closer to our children and closer to our parents. WE HAVE MADE IT. HE HAS BEEN FAITHFUL! And though I have always known that in my head, I KNOW it now in my heart . . . He will ALWAYS be faithful, no matter what. This is not a fake report or response, I assure you. This isn't a cliche that I'm writing about. This is TRUTH, from my heart. GOD. HAS. BEEN. FAITHFUL. And we are still here, and we are happy.
This basket contains letters and cards we received immediately after Ellie's death. I left them out the entire first year as a reminder of the impact of Ellie Kate's life. I got them out this week to remember the encouragement, love, kindness that they represent to us. Just seeing them on the table makes my heart leap with hope, knowing we are loved. I remember reading them, sometimes in a heap on the floor, and yet God continues to bring us through it, three years later.
He is faithful and He never leaves or forsakes us.
If we can go through the worst possible thing that can happen to a parent, we can face anything, as long as we have the Lord Jesus Christ. The best part is, once I've asked Jesus to be my Lord and Savior; when I've asked Him to take over, believing that He is the ONLY way to eternal life . . . there is NOTHING - NO THING - that can separate us from His Love, His protection, His faithfulness! Jesus will ALWAYS be with us. God will ALWAYS be for us. Holy Spirit will ALWAYS be with us, protecting us. He will NEVER leave us. He will NEVER forsake us, and even if it doesn't feel like it, He truly is there in the hardest, darkest of times, holding us close.
I tell you this because I have lived it; I LIVE it day in and day out. I could NOT live, I could NOT survive, I could NOT thrive, I could NOT have any sort of happiness or joy, if it were not for the gracious love, protection and faithfulness of the Lord Jesus Christ.
That's what I shared on Saturday night at our large table, with our precious friends who have walked through the valleys with us. I remembered God's FAITHFULNESS and even though I came to the table down and worried and frustrated about Henry, finances, doctors, etc, etc, etc, - God reminded me that, if He carried us through the death of Ellie Kate; if we lived, survived and thrived and had made it once again back to the feasting table with friends . . . He WILL do it again with this set of circumstances we are now facing.
Remembering is a GOOD thing and I challenge YOU to do it today. How has God been faithful to you in the past? What has He carried you through? Is there a time in your life that you didn't think you could survive? If you are reading this now, you DID survive it, My Friend!
Do you know Jesus as your personal Lord and Savior? It isn't a gimmick or trick. Do you want to experience His faithfulness to you and to your family here on earth? Do you want to be able to "Remember", looking back over your life to see the many ways God has stepped in to protect and provide for you? Do you want to spend eternity with God, with your child, with loved ones who knew the Lord? Oh, Friend!!! What do you have to lose? All you have to do is talk to Him! There are NO magic words, despite what anyone may tell you, and you only have to ask Him once and for all, forever! Ask Him to take over. Believe He IS who is says He is - the Son of God, the Savior of the World, the Only way to Heaven. HE IS LOVE and SO much more, and apart from Him, I could do nothing, I would be nothing. Apart from Him, I could NOT live this life I've been given. What better way to celebrate Christmas, the birth of Christ, than to give your life completely over to Him? My heart longs for you to know Him - not just head-knowledge, but heart-knowledge.
If you have any questions, please just message me or call, text me anytime. It would mean so much to know that the Lord has moved in your heart during Ellie Kate's month and that He captured your heart, making you forever His during the "Month of Reckless Love".
Go out today and remember what God has done!
Ryan
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