Seven

This week has been an emotional one, and next week . . . well, next week marks some big events, and I'm asking the Lord to keep us close. 

On Tuesday, we celebrated the precious earthly life of a sweet boy whose momma is in Hope Link.  Since Hope Link started, I have been to about nine or ten little funerals (not all of them were Hope Link families).  Each time a death happens, some of my own grief is brought up.  This time, my heart has just hurt for Bennett's mommy as I know the heart-sickness that comes with this journey and the physical toll it takes.  My heart has been heavy for my friend, and I have found the name, "Ellie Kate" rolling off my tongue many times.

I've been tossing and turning each night, not getting good sleep.  My interstitial cystitis has been flaring and hurting more than ever before.  Bad dreams and anxiety have muddled my days - and then the Lord brought it all together for me.  On Monday, Henry will turn SEVEN years old!  This is a wonderful milestone, and I am so grateful for his little life.  It's just that the last birthday I celebrated with Ellie Kate was her seventh birthday.  I remember every detail of that day and the little birthday party we almost didn't have that night (oh, I am so grateful that we did!).

The Face of a Seven Year Old

SEVEN.  My feelings are so mixed that I cannot put them into words.  Fears and memories mixed with nausea, all while planning a "Jurassic World" party for "Hammerin' Hank".  JOY and Pain.  The other thought comes to mind that Lu Lu Belle will be FOUR in September, and Henry was four when Ellie went to Heaven.  That means it will soon be three years since I held my daughter.  That also means that Lucy has lived four full years, and by the way, has shot up to a 5T in her clothes!  Extreme gratefulness with a little sorrow thrown in.

Tonight I thought about sharing comparison pictures of my two seven-year-olds.  I wanted to see the resemblances and I wanted you to see them as well!  But Friends, I just cannot bear to look through my pictures just yet.  It's not that I am depressed or beside-myself; it's just that I know my heart just couldn't take that right now.  And though I've poured over hundreds of Ellie's pictures, I can't do it tonight.  I know all of this is sad, so let's move on to something more precious . . .

Last night, while I was NOT sleeping, God kept telling me to go read Isaiah 65.  It's where I've left off from studying, but even though he kept prompting me, I didn't read it.  Bummer, because I read it late this morning and was fantastically blessed (when God wakes you up or prompts you to do something, just go ahead and do it).  This is what He gave me in His Word . . .

Isaiah 65:23-24: "They will not work in vain, and their children will not be doomed to misfortune.  For they are people blessed by the Lord, and their children, too, will be blessed.  I will answer them before they even call to me.  While they are still talking about their needs, I will go ahead and answers their prayers!"  

In a strange way, this is what my heart needed to hear.  Now, it doesn't make it all better and the words aren't like waving a magic wand.  However, God's Word is a healing balm and He is promising me that MY CHILDREN will NOT be "doomed", which is big, because sometimes it feels that way (with NKH and with PANDAS).  In fact, God has BLESSED them and their children too - my grandbabies!  And God is going to  listen to my children even before they petition Him, while they are still thinking about what they may need.  He will hear them and answers their prayers.  Tying it together with a giant bow, is that God promised Henry to us through the book of Isaiah.  Thus, Henry Isaiah McLaughlin.

Through God's Word, I feel more at peace tonight.  Even though our life is a wild, busy, crazy, sometimes sad, sometimes difficult journey . . . God is causing it for our good; especially for the good of my children, and for HIS glory.  No matter what confusing feelings I may have tonight.  I'm choosing Jesus because He is better.  I'm asking Him to capture my thoughts and place them on whatever is good and right and pure.  I'm thanking Him for the assurance of the blessings of my children, even when to me, it sometimes just seems like a wild ride.  

With Hope,

Ryan

What SEVEN Looks Like . . .

Baseball'n It Up

 

Hammerin' Hank

 

Camp'n With Poppy

Henry love to bake!