An Upcoming Milestone and Movements of the Heart

So, it's been a while since I've posted an update on our family.  I will certainly do that here on this blog but as usual, I want to share some things God has laid on my heart.  You see, I'm on the verge of turning 40 - yes, 40 - later this month!   I've been settling my heart on so much lately.  I'm focusing more on my family and less on social media and the world around me.  

My passions are still the same, loving and advocating in the world of special needs, disability, and child-loss, but I've found IMMENSE JOY and PEACE the last few weeks, staying away from "noise".  

While I can hardly believe I'm about to hit this 40th milestone, 
and as the stun of it all slowly wears off, 
God graciously reminds me of His Unwavering Faithfulness, 
and He's done this away from the noise.  

Last weekend, I spent time with my best girlfriends from college (who are still close friends of mine today).  It had been too long since we had all been together, breaking bread and talking about life and even longer since we had been in college (20 years of friendship!).  The main theme which kept coming up was GOD.  Suddenly, amidst our conversation over yummy wine, I was taken back to my college days, days that were full of a lot of personal heartaches as I struggled to find out what I believed on my own, as I struggled to find out who I was apart from what I had accomplished up until that point. 

It was a scary time in many ways, as I left an extremely protected environment at home, released into an environment that was unlike any other I had ever experienced before.   I absolutely admit to making many wrong choices and many times, I didn't like who I was or what I was doing during that time in my life. Of course, it's totally normal for young people to go through this at some point - some go through it during high school, some during college and some even later on in life.  All of us must face the BIG things - who we believe, what we believe, why we believe it and it's taken me up until now to really sort those things out.  No, I don't have everything figured out in any shape or form, but I AM more grounded and I know who I am more than ever before; I know what I believe and I feel more secure than ever, for which I am extremely grateful for!

90's Girls, For Sure! 

So, back to the dinner with friends - I remembered all of those feelings from 20 years ago and how this group of friends stuck by me through ALL of the ups and downs, the messiness and wonder of life at that time.  Our bond has never broken because of our FAITH in the Lord Jesus Christ - knowing He is the Lord of each of our lives, knowing He is the Lord of each of our families, knowing He allows or causes all things in each other's lives, in the lives of our children, and more!  It was so beautiful to look around the table that night, knowing we've walked through children in the hospital, rare diseases, catastrophic diagnoses; troubles in our marriages, job changes, big moves, and more - God has brought each one of us through all of it.  Sweetly, He's allowed us to walk through it together.  He had a purpose for all of the ups and downs and brought us closer to His heart!  He has made us better women, better mothers, friends, wives, sisters, daughters, and Believers and only HE can redeem all of it for His glory!

I think back to some lonely times when I had no idea what God would do in my life or with my life; how would my life even turn out?  And just as He has walked with me and with my friends together, through life and death and everything in between, He has FAITHFULLY walked me HERE, to where I am now at 40 - this beautiful, messy, broken, happy, intense, journey with Mike, Conner, Ellie Kate, Henry, Lucy, and Bowen Jane.  And while I wouldn't always have chosen the hard places, the dark places, and broken places, HE has a purpose for it all and I can TRUST Him.  He has allowed things and caused things to happen, for OUR good and ultimately, for HIS GLORY!  

Young Mamas (notice a pretty-in-pink Ellie Kate on my lap)

Now, we sit as mothers and wives; made up of two counselors, a teacher, children's ministers, and two speech pathologists. Two of us have ministries going on in Africa, two of us have started non-profits and two of us have adopted children.  We have a total of 18 kids amongst us, ranging from ages 1-18 (which is crazy and fun) and our children proudly come from a rainbow of backgrounds including Hattian, Hawaiian and Hispanic!    Seriously, if you would have told us, back when we were in college, that THIS is where we would be, living THESE beautiful lives, entrusted with THESE precious Beings . . . I don't think we would have believed it.  It sounds too good to be true, in many ways!  But GOD has been FAITHFUL, going above and beyond what we could hope for or ask!

How precious is it that the Lord truly IS faithful?!  

I can SEE it and I KNOW it from my life in the past.  

I can trust that it will continue to happen in the future, 
always and forever, because of HIM. 

It reminds me of a song I learned in childhood; 

one I still find myself singing to this day . . . 

"My Redeemer is Faithful and True,

Everything He has said He will do;

Every morning, His mercies are new!

My Redeemer is Faithful and True."

Remember, especially if you are struggling or in a place of doubt or despair . . . GOD IS faithful and true!  

He will do everything He said He will do and SO much more - 

more than you could ever dream up on your own.

Ask Him to remind you of His faithfulness, 

just as He has so sweetly done for me; 

I know you won't be disappointed.

1 Corinthians 1:9 - God will do this, for he is faithful to do what he says, and he has invited you into partnership with his Son, Jesus Christ our Lord.

Numbers 23:19 - God is not a man, so he does not lie. He is not human, so he does not change his mind. Has he ever spoken and failed to act? Has he ever promised and not carried it through?

Hebrews 10:23 - Let us hold tightly without wavering to the hope we affirm, for God can be trusted to keep his promise.

*******************************************************************************

Family Update: 

LUCY: Sister Sue's had two hospital admissions since I last posted and continues to have good days and bads days.  One of the hospital stays was due to a severe staph infection and we are seeing signs of that returning tonight.  I will be calling the doctor first thing in the morning to see what we need to do.  Obviously, it isn't too concerning at this point but I have no idea how they will want to proceed since the first infection was so intense.

HENRY: This Little Man continues to respond well to the IVIG treatment he received this past summer in D.C.  We are STILL struggling with the payment, which was made upfront on our behalf.  We are still trying to get it approved by insurance and at this time, we are thinking of other ways we can find the funds to pay this large bill off.  IVIG has been LIFE-CHANGING for Henry, in the very best way!  In fact, he needs another round of it now.  We are absolutely choosing to trust the Lord in this as we have NO idea how the initial payment will be paid OR how to pay for another treatment, much less a trip to D.C. for the specialized treatment.  We've been working hard with our doctors here in OKC but at this time, there is no immediate chance (nor chance in sight) of receiving the needed transfusion here.

CONNER: He astounds us each and every day, showing us what a wonderful big brother he is to ALL of his siblings!  Conner doesn't have an easy job, we know that as his parent and yet, he joyfully plays and loves his siblings so well.  He proudly pushes Lucy's wheelchair to this day and now, even proudly pushes Bowen's stroller as well (not at the same time, of course). Conner will be in high school this fall, which is hard to believe for ALL of us (him included), so we treasure each day we have with our son, protectively overseeing all he does.  We are beyond proud of Conner and pray God will set goals and godly desires deep within the heart of this young man who has been entrusted to us.

BOWEN: Bowie Jane continues to be the light of each day for me, each moment, even.  All of us have fallen head over heels for this Little Girl who proudly knows each of our names (and says most of them correctly;)).  Each morning, she wakes and immediately says, "Momma!  My Momma?!", and her busy little self is all around the house each and every moment, never slowing down except to sleep.  This GIFT is not lost on me - we are ALL very much aware of this rare blessing we have in Bowen Jane.  Truly, she is a Gracious Gift of God!

Forever and always, THANK YOU for your continued love, support, encouragement, and prayer.  

I say it often, but not nearly enough, we live off your words of life - 

God gives them to us through you, just like manna.  

So, even if we don't respond or are very late in responding, please know that each message, 

text, and voicemail truly mean the world to us!  

I'm praying this week, for God to richly encourage your heart 

the way He uses you to encourage mine.  

Ryan Elizabeth (the soon-to-be 40-year-old!)

Calamity Family

There have been several drafts written for the Blog over the last few weeks, but I've never finished them.  There are a million reasons why, but ultimately, I just couldn't sit down and process my thoughts and feelings.

I feel as though we are in constant peril.  I feel as though we've become a burden to many, or that some may roll their eyes when they see yet ANOTHER prayer request for the McLaughlin Clan.  Personally, I know that I over analyze many things, but somehow, I can't shake the feeling that some of these fears are true.  I totally get that. ya'll. Embarrassingly enough,  I would likely feel much the SAME WAY in your position, hearing about this "Calamity Family" of sorts.

Oh, you guys!  I want to assure you - I don't like calamity.  I wanted a calm, "normal"/ typical life (although I'm learning that life doesn't really exist).  Mike and I wanted to be able to give generously and dreamed of doing so many other things in our marriage, in our lives, with and for our children.  It isn't exactly what we've dreamed of.

That being said, even though our lives don't look the way we though they would, I will tell you - our lives are SO MUCH richer than I ever knew it could be!  Life is so much deeper; it's so much more than our earthly hopes and dreams.  As Believers, our lives are so much more than ourselves!  They are more than ANYTHING we could DARE to dream or hope or look forward to.  The things that seem the heaviest take us to the deepest levels with the Lord Jesus!


What could be better than trusting the One Who Knows it ALL?  What could be more exciting than following Him into the valleys and over the mountains of life?  What is more fulfilling than your life being used for things SO FAR outside of yourself that you ever thought possible?! I chose Christ early in life and He recaptured my heart shortly after college. I choose Him now and I will choose Him over and over again.  Why?  Because I KNOW - His ways are SO much better than mine. HIS dreams are so much deeper than mine.  His yoke is so much lighter than mine!  Jesus is the ONLY way to survive life, you guys - especially a life of calamity.

If you know of a "Fellow Calamity", it's okay to get frustrated with hearing about their struggles. Here are some things to remember during their continuous trying times:

• It's okay to take a "break" from being so involved in the lives of your friends
• Don't stop praying - even if they are just simple, short prayers
• Don't stop being friends
• Don't cut them out
• Don't stop communication
• Don't leave them out and don't stop inviting them to things; even if they can't attend
• Texts and emails go a long way
• meals help - even when they aren't in official, "crisis"!  
• little treats help - even when they aren't in "crisis"! 
• If the Holy Spirit nudges you to do it, don't hesitate!
• Don't expect "thank you" notes - I was the queen of these at one time, but with life the way it is, I can barely sign the kids' homework, much less put my thoughts together, letting my friend know how much they've blessed me.  Don't let this hurt your feelings.  Have grace.  
• When in doubt - have grace.  

We ALL face trials in our lives.  We ALL have difficult times, going through DEEP valleys of darkness.  Some of our valley are darker and deeper than others and that's okay.  It doesn't mean that one is less "Christian" than they other:  it doesn't mean that one is "more faithful to Christ" than the other, or that they are working harder or are taking more of the right steps than the one continually in suffering. 

Romans 8:18(ESV)
" For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us".

I assure you, our brothers and sisters in Third World Countries suffer more than we could ever know or understand!  Look at the Apostles, Friends - their lives were FULL of calamity and crisis!  And they praised God for it because it only caused them to NEED CHRIST MORE!  Isn't that what we all should want as Believers - more of Christ?  

Ryan

• Please pray for Lucy as she is entering a new specialty - Nephrology - for the cystitis symptoms she's been having (UTI, pain in kidneys, similar to my IC symptoms, we believe). 
• Pray for Henry as he continues to be in a PANDAS flare, this time with OCD symptoms, severe separation anxiety (can't go into a room by himself), and a severe fear of going to school
• Pray for Conner as he finishes out the 6th grade; pray for special surprises to come his way; for him to feel loved and exalted (NOT left-out or forgotten).  
• Pray for Mike as he had his pink cast taken off today.  He is now in a walking boot and has many strict instructions to follow in order for healing to occur. 

Summer Nights

This summer has simply been a breath of fresh air - both figuratively and literally.  How grateful I am to have been able to get away with my precious family!  And oh, have we needed to get-away.  I mean really, we have needed to get out of town, ya'll.  Bless it.  God is GOOD.

We spent last weekend deep in the mountains of Arkansas, surrounded by God's raw creation.  It was absolutely gorgeous and we happily took in every little thing, including the humid, heavy air that filled our lungs each and every day we were there.  It was a "McLaughlin Get-Away", so we met up with Mike's side of the family for a few days of adventure and relaxation.  We laughed SO hard and ate incredibly well (especially for breakfast with Uncle Drew's famous french toast and Uncle Greg's impeccable, gluten-free pancakes); my kids didn't know what to do with all of that yummy breakfast food so readily accessible to them each morning!

There were hours and hours spent canoeing the Buffalo River as an entire family of nineteen - eight miles of that river, I might add, and we are all quite proud of that accomplishment.  We only overturned two canoes during the trip, one of which held me, Mike and Henry.  It was insatiably fun and exciting and the water there was cold, crisp and clear.  Henry collected many rocks for his collection, and both boys enjoyed fishing with their cousins, along with spending time in a paddle boat, and hiking the areas around our cabin.  Tiny frogs, tiny fish, and even a horny toad or two, were all caught by the kids . . . it was paradise!

"Rosie", the handicap-accessible van, did well as as she drove up the hills of Arkansas.  She may have spit and sputtered, but she made it and got us safely to our destinations.  I just cannot tell you what a blessing it is to have such a vehicle that can safely transport our family - most importantly, transport Lucy (in her wheelchair, mind you).  We are still praying for wisdom as Rosie is starting to wear out a bit, but we have no doubt that God will show us exactly what to do.

Family is important.  PEOPLE are important.  Sacrificing to be with people that you love is an important thing to do.  What can you do to love on your extended family in a more tangible way?  You don't have to go on vacation together to show and share love - you can do those things in so many other ways, and it's important to do so.  It's also important to teach our children to value their family, whether they live close or far away.  Go out and love your family recklessly today, and may the Lord show you fun and precious ways to express that love that you have!

I hope you enjoy some photos of our family, and extended family, from our time away together.  

Revival - It's Time to be Well

Reviving: the act of breathing life into something that was once dead, or close to death. To me, revival is an awakening of the heart, of the Spirit within me.  What once was dry and cracked, in a drought; those places that hadn't seen growth now given life - immediate, powerful, indescribably beautiful, abundant, life!  I have experienced revival over the last several days, and it is something that I have thirsted for so long.

We all get so caught up in the busyness of this life - it's inevitable really, since the world runs a million miles an hour (or so it seems).  We get so busy that we forget to take care of ourselves, or maybe we truly just don't have the time or resources to do so.  We run until we can't run anymore,  sometimes that means our bodies are affected and become sick because of the overload.  Our Souls, our Spirits become dry and cracked.  Not only do our Spirits need life, they need a healing balm, because being Spirit-dried and cracked hurts physically, spiritually and emotionally.  This is where I have been.  Spiritually, I will never be dead because I have a new life in Jesus Christ which started the moment I gave my life over to Him.  However, I have been dry and cracked in a desert, longing for water, longing for new life.

My little family made huge sacrifices to send me to  my Auntie Cheryl in Destin, Florida.  I've grown up going to this area and I find immeasurable peace from simply laying eyes on the blue-green water of the Emerald Coast.  Mike and I have taken the children to this spot several times as well; all four of them have experienced the sugar-sand beach that calls my name. Getting away - stepping back from the regular pace of life for a while; even just being in new surroundings can be so refreshing, and each breath I took seemed to slow my heart-rate down and call me to The Word of God.  God drew me to the book of Isaiah; He told me to read it.  And so I began, there on that beach, diving into the Old Testament with great expectation.  I knew in my heart that this time away would be an Ebenezer for me -a markable moment in my life, both physical and spiritual.  God was going to speak to me during my time away. He was saying, "It's time to be well".

Me and Auntie Cheryl

The gorgeous water!

Spending time with our Florida NKH Family, whom I love (don't Aubree and Lucy look alike?)! 

Isaiah - it's "Our Book" as a family, so to speak.  Mike and I believe that God called our family to ministry through Isaiah 43, which has been confirmed to us in so many beautiful ways. This is the book where the Spirit spoke to us about having Henry, with the promise that He would do something new and miraculous, which He so graciously did.  Henry's middle name is Isaiah.  This is a very special book to me, and I knew that God wanted to speak to me this past week, in deep ways and that He had a treasure chest that He wanted to take me through. He HAS been healing me, and it is time for me to allow Him to complete some of that healing; to allow Him to speak to my heart about things that I've been carrying with me, things I don't need to carry anymore and to breathe life into my Soul. 

God spoke to His people through His prophet Isaiah, who wrote this beautiful book.  A good portion of the book is full of God calling out to His Beloved people.  He yearns for them to be close again, but His people have rebelled and run away from Him over and over.  God created them to be in an intimate, loving, living, two-way relationship - He formed us this way, Friends.  And yet the people weren't able to live it out or experience it, because of their own actions.

In Isaiah we see that the people of God have made idols and not only have they made them, they also treasure them above God. In fact, they don't even hide the fact that they are worshiping other gods.  That is the level of disrespect they are showing their God:  even though they have literally seen the works of God on their behalf, in front of their eyes, they STILL choose idols.  God is physically weary of carrying the burden that the idols bring over His Children.  The Lord is calling on His people to repent, to turn away from these idols that do not satisfy.  He is calling them refocus on Him and on Him alone.

I was cut to the core.  I have idols.  I have idols that I put before God.  I have idols that I blatantly put before God - I don't even hide them.  I make excuses for them.  God is jealous for me.  His grace and mercy are unending, and He has outstretched them to me time and time again, and yet I still kept some of those idols.  Some of my personal healing has been blocked by the fact that I've sought healing in the balm of my idols.   NOT ANYMORE.  Let me be clear, separation from God, or feeling separated from God doesn't always come because of something we do or don't do.  Healing isn't based always based on what we do or don't do because God oversees it, in His infinite wisdom.  It's different for everyone; the mysteries of God are deeper than the sea!  God isn't fickle, but our feelings sure are.  If you feel far from the Lord, press in and ask Him why.  Ask Him to show you what is standing in the way.  It may or may not be an idol.  There are many other things that can cause this, but for me at this particular time, I believe the Spirit is telling me that my idols, and those of my family, have caused my relationship with God to be more fuzzy than it was made to be.  

God spoke to me so crystal clearly, there near the water.  You see, I am Jacob.  You are too, if you've given your life to Christ.  He is jealous for us and calls to us lovingly and then sometimes, He calls us aggressively, like a Father calling out to his child who is about to run into the busy street.  He has given us life and formed us for His purpose and to live an abundant life, but when we are so far away from Him, putting idols above Him, we aren't able to experience that full and abundant relationship that we were designed for.  When I put an idol before the Lord, I am not experiencing life the way it was designed for me.  Why would I do that to myself and to those around me (no doubt, your idols affect everyone you are in community with, especially your family)?  I want to live the life I was designed for - I don't want the cheap version; I want the real thing in it's entirety!

Do you feel it, Believer?  Do you feel like there is something more to your life and to your relationship with Christ - a deeper connection that you are longing for?  The idols you have set up in your life, the things you have allowed to take the sacred high place in your heart, the place that belongs to God . . . will you lay them down? 

You see, the Lord has so much more for us; more than what the idols can offer that's for sure, although I know it doesn't always feel that way.  The pull of the idols and the comfort that they bring can be strong, but Oh! The freedom that Christ brings is worth so much more, Friends! And that is what the rest of Isaiah is about . . . the Father wooing His children back.

God tells them of the wondrous, miraculous, tangible, and intangible things He is going to do IN and THROUGH them.  He tells them that He has beautiful plans to unfold for their descendants, for their children.  See, the time of wandering, the times of calling out to God and not hearing Him - those times are coming to an end.  God is about to be closer to them than He has ever been - even better than before they set up those stupid idols.  God is going to defeat Jacob's enemies.  He is going to make Israel a great people and extend their land, giving them more than they thought possible.  THE DESERT TIME IS OVER and the NEW ABUNDANT LIFE IS ABOUT TO BEGIN. 

 He's listening and is actively speaking again, but even more so and also providing above and beyond the needs of the people.  They are obeying and He is moving on their behalf.  Side-note: Let me make it clear, God's movements aren't always based whether or not we are obeying.  Thank the Lord, His love AND His blessings are NOT based on what we do or don't do.  His ways are not our ways - they are mysterious.  But here in the book of Isaiah, God's ear has turned back to His people, and as I see it, His heart has softened . . .  He is communicating like crazy and is tangibly blessing them.  They are refreshed and renewed.  Life where there once was death.  Water for the dry, cracked Souls of the people of Israel.  REVIVAL.

"Remember not the former things, nor consider the things of old.  Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness

 and rivers in the desert." 

Isaiah 43:18-19

This week, through reading through Isaiah, God confirmed what He has shown me and spoken so sweetly to my Spirit.  God IS doing something new in our family - something that seems impossible to others; something that once seemed impossible to us! We have been in a dry and broken place - a desert.  Like a mirror to my own spiritual walk, we've been waiting and calling out to God.  He has never left us and we haven't been abandoned.  He's been there the entire time, although it hasn't always felt like it.  In fact, most of the time, He has felt far off.  But, God is about to do something new in MY life and that started with me laying down my idols.  And He is doing something new in MY FAMILY'S life!  He is sweeping in even now, and causing new life to grow.  He is breathing life on our mission, our lives, on our future.  New life, abundant life, fresh and renewed life - He is bringing it all to us right now, FOR HIS GLORY.  I believe He is doing something big IN us and also FOR us, which is incredibly exciting - especially when you've been crying out to your Father for new life for so long.

I don't know what the Lord is going to do, although He has given me glimpses through my Spirit.  He is so good to do that.  If you want to see him move right in front of you, in nature or even in your dreams, ask Him, Sweet Friend!  He WILL do it as He has done for me.  I can tell you that I feel completely safe and secure in what God will do.  I can trust Him as I know He has created me and formed me, and He knows our needs and the desires of our hearts.  He is going to fulfill some of those in this upcoming season of life for the McLaughlins and I cannot wait to share with you what He has done!  

Oh, Father!  Thank you for this precious time away with you!  My heart is full of gladness because you have come to me and applied the precious balm of your Word to my dry and broken Spirit.  Thank you for my family and bless them a thousand fold for the many sacrifices they made so that I could get away and focus on my relationship with you.  Thank you for my family who opened their home and hearts and showered me with love while I was away and for allowing me to feel safe, secure and at peace.  I do not take those feelings for granted, Father.  

YOU are so good, God.  Thank you for allowing me to enjoy your beautiful creation and for giving me the time to sit and listen to you.  Continue to speak to my heart, Lord.  I will continue to lay down my idols before your throne because I want YOU and all of the many things you have designed for me.  I want what is best for me and for my family.  I WANT TO BE WELL and I want my family to be well.  Thank you for bringing us safely through to this point, for your endless forgiveness and for your gracious and continuous healing of our hearts.  

Such a warm welcome home!

"But now hear, O Jacob my servant, Israel whom I have chosen! Thus says the Lord who made you, who formed you from the womb and will help you: Fear not, O Jacob my servant, whom I have chosen.  For I will pour water on the thirsty land, and streams on the dry ground; I will pour out my Spirit upon your offspring, and my blessings on your descendants.  They shall spring up among the grass like willows by flowing streams.  This one will say, 'I am the Lord's', another will call on the name of Jacob, and another will write on his hand, 'The Lord's', and name himself by the name of Israel."  

Isaiah 44:1-5

It's Not Okay to Be Silent

When it comes to tragedy, hurt and loss, silence is NOT golden.  I'm reminded today of how hurtful silence can be during a time in the wilderness - during times of deep mourning.  What I've learned is that silence is like a putting alcohol on a deep, open and gushing wound.  It burns and it stings, and it's also very hard to recover from.  

I must say that we have been abundantly blessed with many, many friends (and even strangers) who daily remind me and my family that we aren't forgotten - that Ellie isn't forgotten.  I have friends who text me daily, those who have prayer groups for me, friends who leave gifts on my doorstep, those who send me a note in the mail, or a picture they found of Ellie Kate, Aunts who send me Scriptures and quotes and let me know that I am prayed for.  And don't even get me started on my parents and how they remind me every second that I am not alone!   

I am grateful to have friends who love me well.  But the reality is, not everyone who is hurting has this.  And, as in our reality, we deal with even family members who fail to reach out or remind us that we are loved, or remembered to tell us that we are thought of.  Oh, how I desperately want this to change, not just for our family, but for the hurting world in which we live!!

Not everyone has the gift of Mercy and Compassion.  It doesn't come natural to everyone!  Not everyone is born a cheerleader or has the gift of Encouragement.  Not everyone knows how to love those who are hurting in practical and real ways.  I fully believe that one of the reasons for our trials is to teach the world around us how to love better, and that's what I want to do tonight in letting you know that it's not okay to be silent.  

Many times, people are silent during grief and loss because they are afraid to hurt those who have suffered loss.  This includes miscarriages, job losses, death of a loved one, lonlieness, surgeries, accidents . . . I could go on and on!  Many times, people understandably avoid talking to those hurting because they don't want to add to their stress.  They think that, if they bring up the subject, the loss, the loved one, it will only trigger more pain and in some way will even hinder the friendship or relationship.  I want to tell you tonight that this is not true.  

You see, the person hurting is already hurting.  Sounds silly, but it is very true.  They are aware of their loss.  If they are like us, it consumes every moment, every thought, every longing, every memory, every dream that they experience.  They already feel the loss, and you saying something will not add to it.  If for some reason it does, that person will let you know.  Their emotions are already raw, and I'm pretty sure they will have no problem asking you to move on from the topic of their heartache.  

Here's the deal: when you are silent, when you avoid the obvious subject and hurt, what you are essentially showing and saying to that person/family is that you don't care.  They see it as you have forgotten about their loved one, about their loss, about their hurt.  They see it as you do not care about what they are going through.  They see it as though your life and troubles (even trivial ones like not being invited to that special party or you chipping a nail) are much more important than the hurt they are living in, which is likely the deepest pain, the darkest time that they have ever faced.  Whether you mean it or not, this is how it comes across, Dear Friends.   

Jesus commands us to live this way, to love recklessly and selflessly.  He tells us to hurt with those who hurt and cry with those who cry (paraphrasing mine).  It's time we put it into practice . . . 

Romans 12:9-16 - "Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. 10 Be devoted to one another in love.Honor one another above yourselves. 11 Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor,serving the Lord. 12 Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. 13 Share with the Lord’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality. 14 Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. 15 Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. 16 Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position.[c] Do not be conceited".

Bottom line: Folks, these days people and even Believers, best friends and family members do not love well.  They love others selfeshly or in ways that are convenient for them (aren't you glad that Jesus love us this way?!).  Often they just plain don't know what to say or do.  The Bible tells us clearly what to do, and I've given you some ideas that God has laid on my heart: 

Let's love well.  Let's love recklessly.  Let's remember those who have passed and love their loved ones in practical ways.  And when in doubt, ask yourself, "How would I want to be treated if I had gone through this?  What would help me if I were in this situation?".  

I can't wait to see what the Lord will do in and through you with these things!!  

With Hope,

Ryan

Lucy "praying" during her class at church today!