Deep Calls to Deep - At My Wits End

Oh Friend, is your heart heavy? Are you at your wits end? Do your tears flow, day and night, wondering where God is in your turmoil and distress?  Do you wonder how God will provide your needs, and does it seem impossible to do so?   If you are any of these things, I AM WITH YOU.  For Ages, Believers have felt this very same way.  Look at the Disciples with their trials.  Look at the tribulation Jesus experienced in the Wilderness.  

Psalm 42:5-9 TLB

My soul is cast down within me . . . 

Deep calls to deep at all your breakers and your waves, 

the roar of your waterfalls have gone over me.  

The Lord commands his steadfast love, 

and at night his song is with me,

a prayer to the God of my life.  

I say to God, my rock:  “Why have you forgotten me . . . ?

Psalm 107:27-28, 

"They were at their wit's end.  

Then they cried out to the LORD in their trouble, 

and he brought them out of their distress."

"Wits End Corner"
By Antoinette Wilson

Are you standing at “Wits End Corner” Christian, with troubled brow'
Are you thinking of what is before you, And all you are bearing now'
Does all the world seem against you, And you in the battle alone'
Remember at Wits End Corner Is where God’s power is shown.

Are you standing at “Wits End Corner” Blinded with wearying pain
Feeling you cannot endure it, You cannot bear the strain.
Bruised through the constant suffering Dizzy and dazed, and numb
Remember at Wits End Corner, Is where Jesus loves to come.

Are you standing at “Wits End Corner” Your work before you spread?
Or lying begun, unfinished And pressing on heart and head.
Longing for strength to do it. Stretching out trembling hands
Remember at “Wits End Corner” The burden bearer stand.

Are you standing at “Wits End Corner” Yearning for those you love,
Longing and praying and watching, Pleading their cause above,
Trying to lead them to Jesus Wondering if you’ve been true'
He whispers at “Wits End Corner” “I’ll win them as I won you.”

Are you standing at “Wits End Corner” Then you’re just in the very spot.
To learn the wondrous resources Of Him who faileth not!
No doubt to a brighter pathway Your footsteps will soon be moved
But only at Wits End Corner Is the God who is able, “proved.”

When Ellie Kate was born the song, "I will Praise You in this Storm," came out.  I remember my Precepts teacher playing it in class, singing it over me and physically holding me close.  With all of my heart and soul, I believed our "Storm" would soon pass.  I was realistic, of course.  My Daughter had a terminal genetic disorder but, I was sure the Storm wouldn't last forever.  And yet, here we are, still in what feels like the very middle of the storm, not anywhere close to the end; not anywhere close to the shore, to calm waters, to the day when the heaviness is all-together lifted.  

I don't understand why the "Storm" still lingers.  In my weakness, when my heart is weary, as it has been these last weeks, I find myself wondering if it truly will ever come to an end.  YES, God provides.  YES, He is still God and He provides and holds us; yet, the Storm continues to rage and it's so easy to get lost in the sorrow, heartbreak and unknown of what that is.  I know I am not alone in feeling this way.  I cling to this knowledge: God too has tasted such Storms, in the human form of His Son, Jesus.  Even Jesus asked His Father to "take this Cup from me . . . " knowing the brutal beatings, crucifixion and earthly death would be too much for Him to bear.  

Lord, brand this TRUTH on our hearts . . . 

• Until He brings us out of our distress and heartache, He has promised to be with us and to never forsake us.  The GOD of Creation, who knows the number of hairs on your head, has promised not to let you walk this heavy road alone.  To me, what's even better than that, is the promise God will draw us closer to Him through the deep waters, no matter how long they last.  

• It is THERE, in the deepest of deep, in the hardest of hard, when there seems no end to heartache and distress, where GOD draws us ever-so-close to HIM.  It doesn't happen when everything's going right or when you don't have reason to depend upon God.  It doesn't happen when you are in "control" of your schedule, finances, and plans.  It happens when you walk through the DEEP, when you cry out to God for His intervention.

Even if the Storm doesn't stop, even if the Storm doesn't seem to ease up immediately, or gets worse . . . we CAN trust Him.  I am learning to CHOOSE to trust and CHOOSE to believe, even when it feels impossible.  In these times, may we ask Our God, "I believe, help my unbelief," Mark 9:24.

Jesus, your ways are always higher than mine.  You know my past and future; you know what is best for me, for my marriage, for my children.  YOu've felt human heartache and you know it deeply.  I choose to give you my Storm and I ask you to be in control, to take it and use it for YOUR glory.  Father, I ask you to use our Storms to take me deeper with you, to develop my character and the character of my family.  I ask you to be glorified, for that is the main purpose of your Children here on earth - to know you and make you know.  Even when I don't understand, even when I fight against the plans you allow and cause, I CHOOSE to believe you will cause it all for OUR good and for YOUR glory.  

May our storms and lives bless you, even if we don't understand!
Ryan

Psalm 107:27-32 The Message (MSG)

23-32 Some of you set sail in big ships;
    you put to sea to do business in faraway ports.
Out at sea you saw God in action,
    saw his breathtaking ways with the ocean:
With a word he called up the wind—
    an ocean storm, towering waves!
You shot high in the sky, then the bottom dropped out;
    your hearts were stuck in your throats.
You were spun like a top, you reeled like a drunk,
    you didn’t know which end was up.
Then you called out to God in your desperate condition;
    he got you out in the nick of time.
He quieted the wind down to a whisper,
    put a muzzle on all the big waves.
And you were so glad when the storm died down,
    and he led you safely back to harbor.
So thank God for his marvelous love,
    for his miracle mercy to the children he loves.
Lift high your praises when the people assemble,
    shout Hallelujah when the elders meet!

Take Me To The Cross

Today is Ash Wednesday, the first day of Lent; and while I didn't grow up necessarily celebrating Lent in a traditional way, as an adult I am now seeing the importance of this dedicated time of focus.  I think Ben Nockels puts it most beautifully here:

Overview of Lent

By Ben Nockels 

Come, let us return to the Lord, He has torn us to pieces but he will heal us; he has injured us but he will bind up our wounds.  After two days he will revive us; on the third day he will restore us, that we may live in his presence.  Let us know; let us press on to know the Lord.  As surely as the sun rises, he will appear; he will come to us like the showers, like the spring rains that water the earth.  Hosea 6:1-3

"Lent, the forty-day period of preparation for Easter, has begun.  Lent reaches its climax during Holy Week, itself a journey within a journey.  Henri Nouwen once described Lent as the season in which Winter and Spring struggle with each other for dominance.  Others refer to this season as a time of "Bright Sadness".  Lent is a time of fasting and mourning, repentance and renewal; a time of identifying with Jesus in His suffering and death in order that we might identify with Him more fully in His resurrection and life.  

It is to the vivid imagery of "Winter and Spring struggling for dominance" that I wish to return our collective gaze.  This picture gives us a glimpse and foreshadows for us what can happen within our hearts and lives over these forty sacred days.  

It's so very earthly and real-time.  You can literally bear witness to the struggle transpiring.  The struggle is all around (and in) us.  An outward expression of an internal reality.  The created universe serving as a guide to the journey toward our own new creation.  Everywhere you look, you can see the world as it is and the world as it could be.  Winter and Spring.  Old and New.  Despair and Hope.  Death and life.  A not-so-amiable team of rivals.  Neither submitting to the other.  Back and forth they go.  

The struggle for dominance lingers on.  Winter looms large.  It kicks and it screams.  It puts up one serious fight.  And just when think your'e in the clear and you'd swear this cold dead season has seen it's last days, it rears its ugly headfor one last laugh and final gasp.  Winter has become an obstinate and completely unwanted guest who has long-overstayed its welcome.  

But then all at once, out of nowhere, Mother Nature runs Old Man Winter off into the distance.  And Spring comes bursting forth, right before our very eyes, in all of its glorious splendor, to take its rightful place.  The earth awakes and shakes off her slumber.  What once lay dormant has now become vibrant.  What seems to have taken place in one single instance has long been brewing under the surface in the deepest recesses of being.  Colors pop and sounds emerge.  The symphony of life is in full roar.  It's as if the songbirds themselves are ushering in new creation with each chirp, tweet and whistle.  Trees bud and flowers bloom. A fresh aroma fills the air.  It's a full-bodied, firsthand, multi-sensory experience second to none.  Energy palpable.  Borderline intoxicating.  Movement everywhere.  Life abounding.  

The fight finished and the victor crowned.  Winter threatened to conquer, but Spring prevailed in the end.  Spring wins.  It always has.  It always will.  A that, my friends, is the very best of news."

(emphasis mine)

WOW. Oh my friends, when I read this, I instantly connected with the Truths shared so beautifully.  As I shared in my previous post, I have been taking a break from many things.  Some things won't be obvious to those around me, and some will.  Maybe at some time, Jesus will give me the freedom to share some details with you, but for now, know this - I have literally been facing this fight of Spring and Life on a personal level. 

 He has forced me to step aside and lay it all down, giving it all up because I am too weak to go on the way that I was.  He has done this is both the physical and spiritual, and I am grateful and scared and excited.  Winter and Spring have been fighting greatly, especially since My Ellie Kate went to be with Jesus.  Spring WILL win, and Jesus WILL conquer, showing Himself mighty to me during this Season of Lent, in particular.  He has promised me this.

So, I will celebrate Lent.  I will participate in the holiness of all that it can unveil.  I will continue to cut things out and set things aside, ignoring what isn't deemed as important to my Father at this time.  I will focus on Jesus - on His life, His death and resurrection during this Season.  And at the end, He has personally promised me that I will see a transformation.  I will see the Victory.  I don't know what it will look like, but I am SO EXCITED.

What do you think about Lent?  Are you willing to celebrate and participate in it this year?  Our church, Bridgeway Church has partnered with Frontline Church and has published a wonderful guide to Lent.  Would you do me a favor and take a look at it- Lent Guide 2014?  Here you will find devotions for each of the 40 days of Lent.  Even skimming through it will bring you closer to the Lord Jesus and the truths of Lent and of the Easter Season.  How will you celebrate?

He has broken me, but He will restore me!

Ryan

This Chair

This Chair . . . 

This Chair is how Ellie Kate road in our handicap-accessible van.  She rode in this chair on the bus to school.  She came home on hospice in this chair. I pushed this chair many miles, I am sure - through hospital halls and doctor offices, through parking lots and on side walks.  There is so much connection to Ellie Kate in this chair.  And tomorrow, the chair has to go back and will no longer be in our home.

We were kindly loaned the chair several years ago when we had a sudden problem with the one we were using back then.  They've let us use if for a year now, and they need it back.  We had ordered that sparkly pink chair for Ellie Kate, but she died before we got it.  So, when I think of "her chair", I will think of this blue, clunky chair that was so comfy and that Ellie loved. 

The boys took turns riding in the chair today and trying it out one last time.  I wanted them to make a lasting memory of sissy's chair, as it was so much of her identity to us.  I even sat in the chair and slowly breathed in, begging the Lord for one more smell of Ellie's scent.  But it's gone, and soon so will be this chair.   

Oh, Lord!  Oh, Lord.  My heart is broken and I am pouring it out before you tonight.  I miss my Ellie Kate so so desperately!  My heart feels as if it has been ripped out.  I know this chair wasn't a part of her physical body, but I sure am going to miss it.  Give us vivid memories of this chair, Lord.  Bring happy memories, joyous memories full of laughter and of love.  Please, heal our hearts.  We can't go on without you, Lord!

I may just have to sleep in this chair tonight . . . 

Ryan