Seven

This week has been an emotional one, and next week . . . well, next week marks some big events, and I'm asking the Lord to keep us close. 

On Tuesday, we celebrated the precious earthly life of a sweet boy whose momma is in Hope Link.  Since Hope Link started, I have been to about nine or ten little funerals (not all of them were Hope Link families).  Each time a death happens, some of my own grief is brought up.  This time, my heart has just hurt for Bennett's mommy as I know the heart-sickness that comes with this journey and the physical toll it takes.  My heart has been heavy for my friend, and I have found the name, "Ellie Kate" rolling off my tongue many times.

I've been tossing and turning each night, not getting good sleep.  My interstitial cystitis has been flaring and hurting more than ever before.  Bad dreams and anxiety have muddled my days - and then the Lord brought it all together for me.  On Monday, Henry will turn SEVEN years old!  This is a wonderful milestone, and I am so grateful for his little life.  It's just that the last birthday I celebrated with Ellie Kate was her seventh birthday.  I remember every detail of that day and the little birthday party we almost didn't have that night (oh, I am so grateful that we did!).

The Face of a Seven Year Old

SEVEN.  My feelings are so mixed that I cannot put them into words.  Fears and memories mixed with nausea, all while planning a "Jurassic World" party for "Hammerin' Hank".  JOY and Pain.  The other thought comes to mind that Lu Lu Belle will be FOUR in September, and Henry was four when Ellie went to Heaven.  That means it will soon be three years since I held my daughter.  That also means that Lucy has lived four full years, and by the way, has shot up to a 5T in her clothes!  Extreme gratefulness with a little sorrow thrown in.

Tonight I thought about sharing comparison pictures of my two seven-year-olds.  I wanted to see the resemblances and I wanted you to see them as well!  But Friends, I just cannot bear to look through my pictures just yet.  It's not that I am depressed or beside-myself; it's just that I know my heart just couldn't take that right now.  And though I've poured over hundreds of Ellie's pictures, I can't do it tonight.  I know all of this is sad, so let's move on to something more precious . . .

Last night, while I was NOT sleeping, God kept telling me to go read Isaiah 65.  It's where I've left off from studying, but even though he kept prompting me, I didn't read it.  Bummer, because I read it late this morning and was fantastically blessed (when God wakes you up or prompts you to do something, just go ahead and do it).  This is what He gave me in His Word . . .

Isaiah 65:23-24: "They will not work in vain, and their children will not be doomed to misfortune.  For they are people blessed by the Lord, and their children, too, will be blessed.  I will answer them before they even call to me.  While they are still talking about their needs, I will go ahead and answers their prayers!"  

In a strange way, this is what my heart needed to hear.  Now, it doesn't make it all better and the words aren't like waving a magic wand.  However, God's Word is a healing balm and He is promising me that MY CHILDREN will NOT be "doomed", which is big, because sometimes it feels that way (with NKH and with PANDAS).  In fact, God has BLESSED them and their children too - my grandbabies!  And God is going to  listen to my children even before they petition Him, while they are still thinking about what they may need.  He will hear them and answers their prayers.  Tying it together with a giant bow, is that God promised Henry to us through the book of Isaiah.  Thus, Henry Isaiah McLaughlin.

Through God's Word, I feel more at peace tonight.  Even though our life is a wild, busy, crazy, sometimes sad, sometimes difficult journey . . . God is causing it for our good; especially for the good of my children, and for HIS glory.  No matter what confusing feelings I may have tonight.  I'm choosing Jesus because He is better.  I'm asking Him to capture my thoughts and place them on whatever is good and right and pure.  I'm thanking Him for the assurance of the blessings of my children, even when to me, it sometimes just seems like a wild ride.  

With Hope,

Ryan

What SEVEN Looks Like . . .

Baseball'n It Up

 

Hammerin' Hank

 

Camp'n With Poppy

Henry love to bake!



 

Hope Link

 

 

 

 

 

Isaiah 61:1-3English Standard Version (ESV)

 

"The Spirit of the Lord God is upon me,
    because the Lord has anointed me
to bring good news to the poor;
    he has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim liberty to the captives,
    and the opening of the prison to those who are bound;
 to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor,
    and the day of vengeance of our God;
    to comfort all who mourn;
to grant to those who mourn in Zion—
    to give them a beautiful headdress instead of ashes,
the oil of gladness instead of mourning,
    the garment of praise instead of a faint spirit;
that they may be called oaks of righteousness,
    the planting of the Lord, that he may be glorified."

 

 

 

I first felt God call me to ministry when I was in high school.  It was at Falls Creek, and all of you Oklahoma Southern Baptists know that can be an emotionally-charged place where decisions of all kinds can be made.  However, the calling I felt, the surrender I gave, had nothing to do with a great speaker or with the dehydration that comes from sitting in the pews of the then, non-air-conditioned outdoor auditorium (you know you remember those sweaty nights!).  In fact, this happened afterwards, in our church's cabin and there were two other kids that felt the calling too.  It's exciting to say that they are now serving as husband and wife in full-time ministry!  God is so creative and so good. 

 

To be honest,  I didn't know what God would call me to, however I knew that somehow, there would be a ministry in which He used me.  Late in 2000, He gave me this passage in Isaiah (Is. 61:1-3).  It was at the beginning of some serious healing He did on my heart - when my relationship with Him ceased to be one of performance.  At that time, I thought God would use me to help other "Christian" girls struggling with their identity and with their faith; those struggling with ways they had failed in the past, because I most certainly had done a lot of that. That wasn't what God was calling me to, and at that particular time, He still had MUCH more healing for my heart in that area. 

 

 

When Mike and I married, we were so excited to see what ministry God would give us.  You see, ALL of us who belong to the Lord, are ministers.  If you know Jesus, YOU have a ministry God has already placed in your heart and in your life!  We thought our ministry would be one of adoption, of financially blessing others, of overseas mission trips.  WHOA.  We had no idea where God would take us or where he would place us in ministry!

 

After Ellie Kate was born, Mike and I met Scott and Amy Haas. Their little girl Lilly, also had a rare genetic disorder.  Scott and Amy were taking a class at our church and happened to see a poster of EK, with specific prayer requests on it.  We somehow connected and found out that we shared the  same young pediatrician.  Can you imagine being given the job of overseeing the health of two VERY complicated, serious, terminally-ill baby girls (Seriously, Dr. R - you are a rockstar and the Lord used you in so many way)?!  God clearly brought us together.  Their is no doubt about it.   

 

I remember the first time we met  in person - the Haas' came over to our house.  Liberty and Conner, the eldest children, were about the same age, and they had a lot of fun together (they still do).  It was like a sigh of relief to meet someone like us - with monitors and meds of all kinds, someone who knew the medical lingo and who knew what it felt like to live in the hospital for months at a time (they've actually lived longer in the hospital with Sweet Lilly).  Amy and I realized that there wasn't a group for us, and we really had no outside support.  There were these amazing, international organizations for other groups and diagnoses, but nothing for the weird stuff, like us.  We talked about starting our own group; we prayed about it, as did our husbands, although I am sure they thought we were crazy for taking something else on when our daughters were on hospice (Ellie Kate was taken off after one year).  I don't want to speak for Amy, but I knew.  I just knew that this is what God wanted for us, from us. 

 

 

It's just so true!

 

In 2008, shortly after Miss Lilly Audrey Haas met Jesus, we started our group.  Through a precious pastor and his wife, Mike and I realized that THIS was our calling.  THIS was our ministry, our mission in life.  The broken-hearted.  The poor in spirit.  Captives in mourning.  THESE were our people. Thus began Hope Link. 

 

Hope Link will always be Ellie Kate's Legacy

 

We started with three mommas and now have over 30 that are involved in various ways.  We also are a 501c3 organization.  We meet monthly as a support group for moms of kids with rare, serious and undiagnosed disorders.  Hope Link has ministries of it's own as well, such as our Care Basket Project, where we donate hospital care baskets to those who are in-patient and are dealing with similar rare circumstances.  God has allowed us to evolve and change, and it has been absolutely beautiful to watch.  We've had parent night out's, as well as annual Hope Link Halloween, Hope Link Holiday Party, and our Hope Link Back-to-School Bash!  Hope Link Graduates formed this year which is solely for families whose children have received their Ultimate Healing. 

 

One of the most important things we do is our Hope Link Retreat, which is for our moms who have attended at least four meetings within the last year.  This is a retreat where mommas don't have to pay a thing.  It's a respite time for them, without tubes, without beeping monitors, without home-health nurses (even though we love them), without appointments. This year's retreat seemed to be the best yet (and I had absolutely nothing to do with the planning or execution of the event - yay!), and as we gathered around the bonfire, the Holy Spirit pierced my heart. 

 

Hope Link Retreat 2015

 

Under the stars, and with a smore' in hand (okay, maybe one in EACH hand), my heart beamed with joy, thinking about this mission that God has given to me and Michael, to Amy and Scott, and to our families.  This ministry that God called me to so long ago - one I never would have chosen for myself . At times I've actually begged to be led out of this ministry.  I have cried out to God to be released from, because this ministry is what I live day in and day out in my home (and so it will be for you . . . what God has called you to can also be the hardest thing  that you face, but it will refine you).   Hope Link is intertwined with the McLaughlins.  It's my personal calling and purpose. Mike and I have no doubt that it's the calling of our family as well.  These sweet families may never know or never understand the depths of love and commitment we have for them, but they WILL know that they are loved and that they are not alone. 

 

 

Here's the thing ya'll - your ministry is where you already are!  What are you already doing?  What pulls at your heart, the thing that you can't turn your back on?  What people-group are you drawn to?  YOU have a purpose.  Your marriage has been given a ministry and so has your family.  What is it?  Go out and valiantly jump into that calling God has given you, Friend.  You will never know such rich fulfillment as when your heart is serving in the ways it was designed and purposefully placed.  In giving of yourself physically, mentally, spiritually, emotionally, and financially . . . you will find rich joy, intense purpose and deep healing. 

 

 

My prayer, with this long post, is that you will recognize that you have been chosen for a specific mission and purpose.  Your ministry is there - go and recklessly love where God has placed you.

 

 

With Hope and Purpose,

 

Ryan

 

 

We Need Hope

This blog post was meant to focus on my dearest Hope Link, the ministry that is so near to both Mike and myself.  However, after today's events, I've decided to put that post on hold.  I promise I will get to it soon, as there is so much love that wants to pour out of my heart for this particular group.

So, just to catch you up, Henry has been doing really well.  We've felt that his PANDAS has been under control.  Last week though, we started seeing a few signs that something wasn't right.  Henry had a seizure a week ago Monday, then he had a few little outbursts of being defiant and super angry.  Trust me, this isn't your typical childhood tantrum. 

This kiddo hit two home-runs last night!

 

Running those bases

Last night, the Father woke me up.  I did NOT want to get up, ya'll but I knew the Lord wanted me to check on my children.  I thought He wanted me to check on Lucy for a particular reason, but when I walked out our bedroom door, I saw Henry jumping on the couch.  It was 3am and he was watching the Disney Channel, bouncing around the room.  It was like a manic-type episode of glee and extreme energy.  It took a long time to get him to settle down and get to bed.  

Late this morning, it became apparent that Henry is experiencing a flare.  This means that his brain is inflamed, causing him to act-out.  He was angry and aggressive, throwing things around.  Henry truly cannot control his behavior, so we really cannot discipline him.  What I CAN do is try to re-direct him.  I understand that many of you won't understand that I cannot "make" my son do something, or you might think that I'm just not disciplining him correctly.  I assure you, that is not the case.  PANDAS is a true disease, a syndrome that attacks the brain and makes it misfire. 

There are some differences with this flare.  Henry is in an extreme amount of pain.  It actually comes and goes in waves, which I am grateful for, but even slightly touching him at times, causes him to scream out and cry crocodile tears.  His head pounds.  His neck hurts.  His joints hurts, which means he pretty much hurts all over.

I've read many articles concerning PANDAS and the behavior that comes along with it.  There are several cases where the child feels like they are dying, or even tells their family that they are dying.  Without giving all details, Henry was stating many of these same things today.  He had never read those articles, obviously.  He has never heard me talk of them, because I haven't.  He said these things on his own because that is how he was feeling.  Your brain gets so inflamed, you hurt so bad, you get to such a bad place, that you think you are going to die.  Can you imagine?   I am SO grateful that these feelings quickly pass, and I am grateful to have received encouragement from other PANDAS mommas whose children have been through this exact thing. 

I'll be honest . . . I cried today.  I cried because of the hurting Henry is so obviously in.  I cried because Conner has to see this, hear this, be around this and it just isn't fair.  I cried because I don't know what to do to help either of my boys.  I cried because everything was going so well and then all of a sudden . . . BOOM . . . it's not.  For a moment, I looked around and started feeling sorry for myself, seeing the broken freezer, the messed up TV, the banged-up van, the fact that we won't be able to move this summer. Oh, and the fact that my husband has an amazing job and yet we are still bogged down with medical bills of all sorts with no end in sight . . . THEN, the Holy Spirit sweetly whispered to my heart and reminded me who my hope lies in.  His hand gently lifted my chin and I looked into his trustworthy eyes. HOW GRATEFUL I AM THAT MY HOPE DOES NOT LIE IN THE PHYSICAL!! 

Really and truly, Friends - if we look around ourselves, EVERYTHING is falling apart.  Even our bodies are falling apart (holla' to my fellow middle-aged mommas!).  We can't change it, we don't know how to make it all better, so we must run to the only one who knows the answers. 

I  looked up the definition of "Hope" this morning for my original post.  I didn't know how much I truly needed to be reminded of my true hope in Christ!  How faithful is our God, who speaks to us at the most perfect of times! 

According to Merriam Webster, Hope:
1. "to desire with expectation of obtainment"

2.  "to expect with confidence :  trust "

Ya'll, I have a true expectation that MY GOD knows it all.  He knows the ins and outs of PANDAS and the ins and outs of Henry.  I KNOW that this world is not my home and it isn't the home of my children either.  I've got one little girl already experiencing the perfectly complete, everlasting life that Jesus offers, and she is no longer suffering from ANY ailment of ANY kind.  That will be Henry someday, and Conner, Lucy,  Mike and myself!  My confidence isn't in this world.  It isn't in the advice I get from others.  It isn't in the wisdom from doctors.  It isn't in oils or medication or any passing fad.  My HOPE is in Jesus Christ, and He will never change when everything else will. 

Sweet One, do you have a hope in Jesus Christ?  Do you have confidence in His Word?  Do you have confidence in His promises to you?  Do you have confidence in eternal life?  Can you expect the Ultimate Healing, life after death?  You can.  You can, and it is so easy.  All you need to do is surrender your all, your everything, to Jesus.  Ask Him to take over.  Recognize that you are broken - that you can't do it on your own.  Choose Jesus.  HE is BETTER.  You won't regret your decision to hope in Him. 

Hoping in My God to take care of it all (the fridge, the van, and MOST of all, the health of my children!) . . .

Ryan

Seizure Monster

I'm not even sure where to start this post . . . it all still seems so bizarre to me.  Henry had a seizure on Monday while we were at Lucy's outpatient therapy.  He looked a bit pale so I took him to the vending machine.  Henry's always been my snacker, and he gets super cranky, and sometimes even feels sick, when he doesn't constantly have something to munch on.  He picked out a drink and a snack, and we turned to walk back in.

Henry stopped and looked confused.  He wouldn't look, or couldn't look, straight at me.  He said, "Mommy, I can't see anything".  And I looked at him closely as he said it again, then he just collapsed.  I knew it was a seizure.  It sounds dramatic because I guess it was, but Mike literally walked into the doors at that very moment.  He hadn't planned to come to therapy that day, but decided to stop by on his lunch break.  I had no idea he was coming, but the Lord had him there right as Henry fell to the ground.

We tried pinching him and calling his name, and all of the other things we seizure-parents do to distract our children during seizures; to check and see if the seizure is still going on.  He looked like he was asleep and didn't have any jerking or twitching, just as with the other episodes we had seen.  I opened his eyes and saw that they were rolled into the back of his little head.  Mike carried him into the therapy room and we slowly started to get him to wake.  He ate and drank a bit, and very slowly started to feel better.

Henry wasn't himself until last evening.  He was postictal, which means his brain was just worn out from the seizure activity.  This happens often after seizures, so we weren't surprised at all by it.  I put a call into the neurologist who upped Henry's seizure meds.  Seizures aren't considered "emergencies" unless they go on for a certain amount of time.  They also aren't considered emergent unless the patient stops breathing or if their breathing changes.  None of this happened with Henry, so we didn't take him to the ER and there was no need to call 911 (just to clarify for those who aren't familiar with seizures).

This is a great description of what Henry experienced: What happens with a seizure?

I am discouraged, as I truly thought that Henry's past seizure episodes were caused by a certain medication he had been on.  We had slowly weaned him off that med a while ago, so it is no longer in his little system.  So this means that Henry had a drop seizure and we just don't know why.

On a very happy note, Henry continues to be the sweet boy that we've known him to be - giving and tender-hearted, loving and sharing with everyone he sees.  We are absolutely grateful for this and it is something I don't take for granted!  I'm praying that this peaceful time will continue in his heart and in his mind.  I can literally see him making the right choices in his mind, right before my eyes.  It is a joy to watch him unfold and change before my eyes.  Lord, give him more!

Please pray for Henry.  Pray for his brain.  Pray that this is something that he will grow out of.  Pray that this will stop immediately!  Pray that God would give him understanding as he becomes more aware of his body and how it doesn't work the way that he wants it to.  Pray for Conner too, that he doesn't feel lost in all of this.  Lucy is doing so well, Henry was doing so well, then out of nowhere this seizure happens.  Conner told me yesterday, "It's just one more thing, Mom".

Heavy-Hearted,
Ryan

Big Prayer Requests

We have a few big prayer requests, and we would greatly appreciate your prayers and petitions on our behalf.  Mike and I most firmly believe that we are called to bear one another's burdens.  As Believers, we are called to pray for one another - to speak to the Father on behalf of our fellow brothers and sisters in Christ.  It's important for us to pray for each other because we learn that we cannot live alone in this life - we are called to live together, in community.  It's important too because it keeps us humble before our community and before the Lord.  Prayer allows God to be glorified, and that is why we ask for it (and it's why you shouldn't be scared to ask for prayer either!).

First of all, I want to share a BIG PRAISE!  

Our Sweet Boy has been doing SO well!  We are incredibly grateful for everyone's support, encouragement and prayers where Henry is concerned.  The Lord has lifted Henry's burdens for the last few weeks, and we've seen him slowly unfold into full confidence and joy.  Even in the last few days, we have seen a new spark and happiness in Henry's eyes - I just cannot tell you what that means to me as his mommy!  Mike and I are praying that this peaceful time will continue in Henry's mind and body, and that Henry will excel in all areas - physical, emotional, and spiritual.  Thank you, Lord for lifting this off of Henry!  We ask for more, Father!  


Prayer Requests:

1.  TEFRA - You may remember me mentioning this in previous posts.  TEFRA is supplemental insurance through the state of Oklahoma, and we are finalizing Henry's application for this program at the end of this week.  It's a tough application with many details and components, and I'm so grateful to just be done with it! However, we are praying that Henry will actually be approved for TEFRA, which would act as a secondary insurance.  We are blessed to have this for Lucy Belle, although not all of her items are covered by insurance (many are not FDA approved and thus cannot be covered ).  Little Henry's medical bills have hit us hard, and we want to make sure we can keep up his care, and that he can receive all of the services that he needs.  We NEED TEFRA for Henry.  Please pray for favor, and that the Lord would work in the hearts of those deciding.  Pray for those looking at our application - that their hearts would be tender towards Henry and that they would understand the medical issues he has been facing, as some of them are rare (ex: PANDAS).  Having TEFRA would help us in SO many ways, I just can't even tell you!  And we turn it in on Friday - EEEKKK!!


2.  HANDICAP VAN - As we were driving home from Henry's counseling session today, it sounded like we hit something on the highway, except we didn't see anything.  We heard the sound a few more times, and I really was thinking it was just a bag or something caught up under the van.  Then we pulled into our driveway and heard a loud sound, along with a giant scrape - UGH.  I don't know what the piece is called exactly, but a big piece of metal came out from under our van.  It's about three feet long, so it really is a big thing.  I don't know what this means for the van or how we will be affected.  I just know this:  We NEED that van for Lucy Belle to get around in.  The Lord was SO gracious to give us the van when I was first pregnant with Lucy.  It was perfect for EK and now it is perfect for Lucy Belle.  The back lowers and we can wheel her in and drive, all while she stays in her wheelchair (fastened to the bottom of the van, of course).  It's incredibly safe and unbelievably convenient.  I'm nervous about it all, although I know the Lord is in control.  He gave us the van and He will fix it.  Would you pray that the van would be fixed quickly?  Pray too that the Lord would give us wisdom as we try to figure things out with this priceless item.


3.  SCHOOL - This week, we were able to start Henry's IEP (individualized educational program) for next school year.  We have been treated very well by our current school, and they have so kindly walked me through the wild maze of 504's and IEP's with an able-bodied child (it's SO much more difficult than planning for the girls).  However, Henry is still asking to go to his old school where he attended pre-k; the school where he attended with Ellie Kate.  This is also the school where Lucy now is (I know that's hard to follow, ya'll).  Would you pray for wisdom for Mike and I?  God has given us dreams but He hasn't opened doors.  In fact, we feel like He has closed a few, but we don't want to close them for Him.  We want to be open to what He can and could do!  As Henry's parents, we just want him to feel safe and happy.  I know he will learn better once he feels those things as well, no matter where he attends school.  Pray that the Father would cause everything to fall into place quickly so that we know what to do for this coming fall.


4.  ENCOURAGEMENT - It's so interesting . . .  after you feel God reveal Himself to you in intimate ways, you can, in the next breath, feel far from Him.  That's how I feel this evening (that's why we can't trust our feelings, am I right?).  God has RICHLY blessed Michael with a fantastic job, which he absolutely loves.  This is something we have prayed about for years!!  And Michael is an excellent provider, continuing to grow and excel in his industry.  However, when you have children with special needs, when you've buried a child without life insurance (Lucy and Ellie are ineligible because they were born with NKH), and your wife has an autoimmune disorder/health issues as
well . . . you don't always SEE the fruits of your labor.  I know Mike feels this way a lot, and I even feel this way, even though I'm not bringing in income!  It is terribly frustrating. I wish I could make it different.  I wish I could take that off of my husband so that he wouldn't have to carry it.  We are choosing to focus on the Lord and on the fact that He gives us ALL that we need.  He always has given us even above and beyond what we've needed as a family!  It's just that we long . . . I mean, really and truly LONG to be in a position where we no longer need so much. That's where our hearts are tonight.

Thank you for faithfully praying for us - for bringing us before the throne of God.  I don't know why so many of you have stuck with us for the almost ten years of this roller-coaster, but I sure am grateful that you have!  Not only do you stick with us, you encourage us and love us in tangible ways, over and over AND OVER again.  It is beautiful to me.  It is life-changing to my family.  Thinking about you and your love for us literally takes my breath away.

I can't wait to follow up and tell you how the Lord decided to answer these prayers!!  

Much Love,
Ryan

Revival - It's Time to be Well

Reviving: the act of breathing life into something that was once dead, or close to death. To me, revival is an awakening of the heart, of the Spirit within me.  What once was dry and cracked, in a drought; those places that hadn't seen growth now given life - immediate, powerful, indescribably beautiful, abundant, life!  I have experienced revival over the last several days, and it is something that I have thirsted for so long.

We all get so caught up in the busyness of this life - it's inevitable really, since the world runs a million miles an hour (or so it seems).  We get so busy that we forget to take care of ourselves, or maybe we truly just don't have the time or resources to do so.  We run until we can't run anymore,  sometimes that means our bodies are affected and become sick because of the overload.  Our Souls, our Spirits become dry and cracked.  Not only do our Spirits need life, they need a healing balm, because being Spirit-dried and cracked hurts physically, spiritually and emotionally.  This is where I have been.  Spiritually, I will never be dead because I have a new life in Jesus Christ which started the moment I gave my life over to Him.  However, I have been dry and cracked in a desert, longing for water, longing for new life.

My little family made huge sacrifices to send me to  my Auntie Cheryl in Destin, Florida.  I've grown up going to this area and I find immeasurable peace from simply laying eyes on the blue-green water of the Emerald Coast.  Mike and I have taken the children to this spot several times as well; all four of them have experienced the sugar-sand beach that calls my name. Getting away - stepping back from the regular pace of life for a while; even just being in new surroundings can be so refreshing, and each breath I took seemed to slow my heart-rate down and call me to The Word of God.  God drew me to the book of Isaiah; He told me to read it.  And so I began, there on that beach, diving into the Old Testament with great expectation.  I knew in my heart that this time away would be an Ebenezer for me -a markable moment in my life, both physical and spiritual.  God was going to speak to me during my time away. He was saying, "It's time to be well".

Me and Auntie Cheryl

The gorgeous water!

Spending time with our Florida NKH Family, whom I love (don't Aubree and Lucy look alike?)! 

Isaiah - it's "Our Book" as a family, so to speak.  Mike and I believe that God called our family to ministry through Isaiah 43, which has been confirmed to us in so many beautiful ways. This is the book where the Spirit spoke to us about having Henry, with the promise that He would do something new and miraculous, which He so graciously did.  Henry's middle name is Isaiah.  This is a very special book to me, and I knew that God wanted to speak to me this past week, in deep ways and that He had a treasure chest that He wanted to take me through. He HAS been healing me, and it is time for me to allow Him to complete some of that healing; to allow Him to speak to my heart about things that I've been carrying with me, things I don't need to carry anymore and to breathe life into my Soul. 

God spoke to His people through His prophet Isaiah, who wrote this beautiful book.  A good portion of the book is full of God calling out to His Beloved people.  He yearns for them to be close again, but His people have rebelled and run away from Him over and over.  God created them to be in an intimate, loving, living, two-way relationship - He formed us this way, Friends.  And yet the people weren't able to live it out or experience it, because of their own actions.

In Isaiah we see that the people of God have made idols and not only have they made them, they also treasure them above God. In fact, they don't even hide the fact that they are worshiping other gods.  That is the level of disrespect they are showing their God:  even though they have literally seen the works of God on their behalf, in front of their eyes, they STILL choose idols.  God is physically weary of carrying the burden that the idols bring over His Children.  The Lord is calling on His people to repent, to turn away from these idols that do not satisfy.  He is calling them refocus on Him and on Him alone.

I was cut to the core.  I have idols.  I have idols that I put before God.  I have idols that I blatantly put before God - I don't even hide them.  I make excuses for them.  God is jealous for me.  His grace and mercy are unending, and He has outstretched them to me time and time again, and yet I still kept some of those idols.  Some of my personal healing has been blocked by the fact that I've sought healing in the balm of my idols.   NOT ANYMORE.  Let me be clear, separation from God, or feeling separated from God doesn't always come because of something we do or don't do.  Healing isn't based always based on what we do or don't do because God oversees it, in His infinite wisdom.  It's different for everyone; the mysteries of God are deeper than the sea!  God isn't fickle, but our feelings sure are.  If you feel far from the Lord, press in and ask Him why.  Ask Him to show you what is standing in the way.  It may or may not be an idol.  There are many other things that can cause this, but for me at this particular time, I believe the Spirit is telling me that my idols, and those of my family, have caused my relationship with God to be more fuzzy than it was made to be.  

God spoke to me so crystal clearly, there near the water.  You see, I am Jacob.  You are too, if you've given your life to Christ.  He is jealous for us and calls to us lovingly and then sometimes, He calls us aggressively, like a Father calling out to his child who is about to run into the busy street.  He has given us life and formed us for His purpose and to live an abundant life, but when we are so far away from Him, putting idols above Him, we aren't able to experience that full and abundant relationship that we were designed for.  When I put an idol before the Lord, I am not experiencing life the way it was designed for me.  Why would I do that to myself and to those around me (no doubt, your idols affect everyone you are in community with, especially your family)?  I want to live the life I was designed for - I don't want the cheap version; I want the real thing in it's entirety!

Do you feel it, Believer?  Do you feel like there is something more to your life and to your relationship with Christ - a deeper connection that you are longing for?  The idols you have set up in your life, the things you have allowed to take the sacred high place in your heart, the place that belongs to God . . . will you lay them down? 

You see, the Lord has so much more for us; more than what the idols can offer that's for sure, although I know it doesn't always feel that way.  The pull of the idols and the comfort that they bring can be strong, but Oh! The freedom that Christ brings is worth so much more, Friends! And that is what the rest of Isaiah is about . . . the Father wooing His children back.

God tells them of the wondrous, miraculous, tangible, and intangible things He is going to do IN and THROUGH them.  He tells them that He has beautiful plans to unfold for their descendants, for their children.  See, the time of wandering, the times of calling out to God and not hearing Him - those times are coming to an end.  God is about to be closer to them than He has ever been - even better than before they set up those stupid idols.  God is going to defeat Jacob's enemies.  He is going to make Israel a great people and extend their land, giving them more than they thought possible.  THE DESERT TIME IS OVER and the NEW ABUNDANT LIFE IS ABOUT TO BEGIN. 

 He's listening and is actively speaking again, but even more so and also providing above and beyond the needs of the people.  They are obeying and He is moving on their behalf.  Side-note: Let me make it clear, God's movements aren't always based whether or not we are obeying.  Thank the Lord, His love AND His blessings are NOT based on what we do or don't do.  His ways are not our ways - they are mysterious.  But here in the book of Isaiah, God's ear has turned back to His people, and as I see it, His heart has softened . . .  He is communicating like crazy and is tangibly blessing them.  They are refreshed and renewed.  Life where there once was death.  Water for the dry, cracked Souls of the people of Israel.  REVIVAL.

"Remember not the former things, nor consider the things of old.  Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness

 and rivers in the desert." 

Isaiah 43:18-19

This week, through reading through Isaiah, God confirmed what He has shown me and spoken so sweetly to my Spirit.  God IS doing something new in our family - something that seems impossible to others; something that once seemed impossible to us! We have been in a dry and broken place - a desert.  Like a mirror to my own spiritual walk, we've been waiting and calling out to God.  He has never left us and we haven't been abandoned.  He's been there the entire time, although it hasn't always felt like it.  In fact, most of the time, He has felt far off.  But, God is about to do something new in MY life and that started with me laying down my idols.  And He is doing something new in MY FAMILY'S life!  He is sweeping in even now, and causing new life to grow.  He is breathing life on our mission, our lives, on our future.  New life, abundant life, fresh and renewed life - He is bringing it all to us right now, FOR HIS GLORY.  I believe He is doing something big IN us and also FOR us, which is incredibly exciting - especially when you've been crying out to your Father for new life for so long.

I don't know what the Lord is going to do, although He has given me glimpses through my Spirit.  He is so good to do that.  If you want to see him move right in front of you, in nature or even in your dreams, ask Him, Sweet Friend!  He WILL do it as He has done for me.  I can tell you that I feel completely safe and secure in what God will do.  I can trust Him as I know He has created me and formed me, and He knows our needs and the desires of our hearts.  He is going to fulfill some of those in this upcoming season of life for the McLaughlins and I cannot wait to share with you what He has done!  

Oh, Father!  Thank you for this precious time away with you!  My heart is full of gladness because you have come to me and applied the precious balm of your Word to my dry and broken Spirit.  Thank you for my family and bless them a thousand fold for the many sacrifices they made so that I could get away and focus on my relationship with you.  Thank you for my family who opened their home and hearts and showered me with love while I was away and for allowing me to feel safe, secure and at peace.  I do not take those feelings for granted, Father.  

YOU are so good, God.  Thank you for allowing me to enjoy your beautiful creation and for giving me the time to sit and listen to you.  Continue to speak to my heart, Lord.  I will continue to lay down my idols before your throne because I want YOU and all of the many things you have designed for me.  I want what is best for me and for my family.  I WANT TO BE WELL and I want my family to be well.  Thank you for bringing us safely through to this point, for your endless forgiveness and for your gracious and continuous healing of our hearts.  

Such a warm welcome home!

"But now hear, O Jacob my servant, Israel whom I have chosen! Thus says the Lord who made you, who formed you from the womb and will help you: Fear not, O Jacob my servant, whom I have chosen.  For I will pour water on the thirsty land, and streams on the dry ground; I will pour out my Spirit upon your offspring, and my blessings on your descendants.  They shall spring up among the grass like willows by flowing streams.  This one will say, 'I am the Lord's', another will call on the name of Jacob, and another will write on his hand, 'The Lord's', and name himself by the name of Israel."  

Isaiah 44:1-5

Happy Updates!

I was hoping that this post would be from me on the beach somewhere, or maybe from my home AFTER I had been to the beach. I can get-away to any type of place and enjoy myself, but to me, BEACH=PEACE.  I am still hoping to get out of town for a couple of days to recharge.  I think it's super important for everyone to take time to recharge, although I know it can't always look like a physical get-away.  I've never done anything like this before, so I'm a littler nervous . . . but WAY excited.


Folks, I am happy to say that Henry has joyfully completed his testing at the school!!  Last weekend we were able to tweak some meds and since then, we've seen more and more of OUR Henry coming out.  It's beautiful to watch your child transform so quickly, right before your eyes, especially when they are changing in ways that you've been praying for!  Your prayers, texts and messages concerning Henry have encouraged us in ways that I cannot fully put into words.  Please, please pray that the Father would continue to allow the real Henry to be here with us, and not a Henry consumed with rage and violence.


Mike and I have been praying so intently concerning moving - especially moving before the next school year begins.  We can comfortably stay in our home right now, without a doubt, and we love our home.  But, we would also love for Henry to be at Wayland Bonds, where begs me to place him next year.  I do think that his equates it to stability because he attended there in pre-k.  Even today, Henry was talking so much about Ellie's death and how he really wants a fresh start with "new friends and new teachers and new schools".  I cannot promise this to Henry because I don't know what the Father has planned.  I do admit that the Dream House is still in the back of my mind (okay, it's actually in the front, or maybe the middle).  The back yard I've always dreamed of looks a lot like the back yard of the Dream House, and today we drove by a hammock and I immediately thought of how lovely that hammock would be out under the shade trees in that gorgeous backyard.

This is what I DO know and why I DO have peace:  God owns a cattle on a thousand hills and He is certainly able to work things to where we can afford that house, if He wants us to be in it!  He will move mountains, if that's His plan.  But if it's not, He still has amazing plan for us here in this house!  It will be beautiful to watch His plan unfold, whatever that might be.  In the meantime, we will start fixing things that need to be fixed in order for us to sell our house - whether it's for this school year or for next, we WOULD like to move over to the area I've mentioned (It just may not be to the Dream House).  SO much to do . . .

We've had several folks come in and help us with things in our home to make it more accessible for the Girls.  I have no problems in telling you that although it was donated, suggested and given to us without our initiative, our shower WAS NOT DONE CORRECTLY!!  It is an absolute mess, people.  We knew they left it unfinished, that much is quite obvious.  We called many, many times, but they never came back to do it, not even to clean it up.  NOW, we have a shower that is leaking into our closet.  EEK!!  And on the other side of the closet is Lucy's room, and she doesn't need to be exposed to mold - none of us do!  I guess I am saying that we need a contractor or builder to step in (I'm guessing NOT a plumber bc that's who came in to build the shower for us in the first place).  Mike plans on making a few calls in hopes of  hiring some very talented friends to do the work.

Whew!  I need a vacation from writing all of this tonight!  Be blessed tonight, Dear Ones.  You are so loved by the McLaughlins.  You are so appreciated and so needed.  We could not and CAN NOT get through this roller-coaster without your constant assistance and encouragement.  I mean that with all of my heart, so thank you for keeping us going.

Much Love,

Ryan