Outer Turmoil and Inner Peace

Outer Turmoil.  Likely, you feel it now too, whether it's within your family, or with the terror, madness and immense loss which has surrounded us as a Country.  It's impossible for us to escape  it - be it the death around us as a result of racial hatred or the death of a personal dream.  Precious friends of ours are mourning the deaths of their husbands, mourning deadly blows to their marriages, marking the anniversaries of children lost to disease and sickness . . . so.much.heartache and turmoil inside, outside and everywhere in-between.  

Turmoil (as defined by Merriam Webster):

 "a state or condition of extreme confusion, agitation, or commotion".  

Inner Peace.  I feel it - the Holy Spirit bringing complete peace to my own heart as I continually run to him during these uncertain times.  Peace is also in the hearts of my friends going through unthinkable heartaches.  It may come and go, but it is there because God promises it for us as Believers. Everything, and I mean everything, seems to be shaken-up and uncertain yet, somehow His peace is there, often times waiting in the silence.  

Peace (as defined by Merriam Webster):

• a state of tranquility or quiet; freedom from civil disturbance; a state of security or order within a community provided for by law or custom

• freedom from disquieting or oppressive thoughts or emotions

• harmony in personal relations

• a state or period of mutual concord between governments; a pact or agreement to end hostilities between those who have been at war or in a state of enmity

• used interjectionally to ask for silence or calm as a greeting or farewell

Here's the thing - Merriam Webster can't define the peace that comes from God.  It's a peace that doesn't make sense who those who don't know Jesus as their Savior.  We can still be concerned with every.single.thing around us - every threat to our family physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually, and yet we can have a "peace that passes all understanding".  I KNOW that God can, is and WILL use ALL things to work together for MY good and for HIS glory, and the same is true for all of those who know Christ.  The world may fall around us, but we have a faithful God who is on our side, fighting for us.  There is PEACE in knowing those things, and you can have that peace too! 

Jesus tells us that we WILL have trouble in this world.  This world does NOT offer peace to us, or rather the peace that it DOES offer is quite fleeting.  

John 16:33(ESV), "I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.”

John 14:27 (NLT), "I am leaving you with a gift--peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don't be troubled or afraid".

Philippians 4:7 (MSG), "Don’t fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God’s wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It’s wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life."

Since Ellie Kate's death in December 2012, our family has faced many trials and much turmoil.  I don't like to think back on it too much, because it truly can be overwhelming.  My Grandmother passed away tragically and unexpectedly.  Both of Mike's grandmothers have died.  My Aunt  unexpectedly passed away and other loved ones have had serious accidents and hospital stays.  Three of our family dogs have died.  We've dealt with unexplainable heartache with Henry and have had his diagnosis of both PANDAS AND epilepsy.  We've added counseling, extra therapy and other doctor appointments to our already busy schedule.  

I've held babies who've just taken their last breath and held the hands of some dear friends as they kiss their babies for the final time, watching the funeral home coming to take away the earthly body of their precious children.  I've attended around 15 funerals since Ellie Kate's - of my own friends and of friends whose babies and even husbands, have left this world.  Mike and I had the unspeakable honor of having our lives intertwined with several of those who lost children in the 2013 Tornado here in Moore, OK. I received my Interstitial Cystitis diagnosis, and it has rocked our world as a family - more doctors, more surgeries, more pain, more therapies.  Mike had his accident where he hurt his ankle so badly in December that he is still recovering - more surgeries, more therapies, more doctors.  

More recently, we've watched my Mother on life support not once but TWICE, due to medical neglect, not knowing if she would wake and come back to be the momma that we know.  I've held her hand as she's navigated her new "normal", where her body and mind won't allow her to do what they once did.  

SO many ups and many downs, My Friends.  So  many losses - too  many to mention, really.  BUT, GOD.  GOD HAS BEEN FAITHFUL AND TRUE.  He has been faithful in our earthly losses.  He has been faithful in the diagnoses.  He has been faithful in the hospitalizations.  He has continued to provide, above and beyond our most basic needs.  

GOD NEVER CHANGES.  Everything, EVERYTHING around us in this world changes, but not Our Savior.  Because of Jesus, our sweet times outweigh the heartache - truly, that is ONLY because of Jesus.  

We are not the only family to face heartache and hardships; we are not the only ones who taste the effects of death, of sickness, of loss, of depression, of silence.  Everyone faces these things, and maybe YOU are facing these things now.  The only hope; OUR only hope . . . YOUR only hope . . . is Jesus Christ.  He is the lover of all Souls - red, yellow, black, and white.  He fights for ALL of us because He died for every.living.soul.  None is better than the other; all are equally precious in His sight.  

If you are facing heartache today, know that Jesus loves you.  It's not just a phrase to make you feel better.  It's the truth.  He made you.  He loves you.  He fights for you.  We must love each other and fight for each other just as He did, My Friends.  Knowing His love is the ONLY way to know peace.  

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Personal Peek . . . Very recently, we were able to head down to San Antonio to spend time with my brother and his family before they move overseas.  My beautiful sister-in-law is an Infectious Disease doctor in the military and is being stationed in Germany, while my brother has just been accepted into Oxford University (yes, my brother AND my sister are both working on their P.H.D's - I'm the slacker here).  We had a very sweet time full of rest, love and laughter. It was an incredible gift to be able to spend time together before their big move, and I'm so grateful we were able to make the trip as an entire family! I hope you enjoy some of the photos of our time away together . . . 

Lucy LOVES the pool and we someday hope to

 have one at our house so she can exercise and play daily!  

God planned it out so my Auntie Cheryl met us in Waco on the way down, 

on her 60th birthday!  What a fun treat!  

Teagan, Lucy and Liam

Precious girls with Matching Hair

Lucy LOVED Morgan's Wonderland, the special-needs amusement park in San Antonio.  It was amazing!!  Look at that smerk! 

Lucy, Lovin' Life

Our almost-teenager loved it too!

We celebrated Henry's 8th birthday as a family down in San Antonio!

Look at these smiles on the Ferris Wheel!  

Everything was handicap-accessible for Lucy - it was a dream!  

Meet, "Ruby" (our new, baby cocker spaniel).  

She loves Lucy and decided to ride on her lap most of the trip.  

Tully Cousin Time!

Magnolia Market

Precious shot of my Mom and her little Sis in Waco!

Adventuring

Ya'll, Our Family has been adventuring!  We've been North and we've been South, and it has been WONDERFUL. For the last several summers, we've taken the boys away for a while.  There are several reasons for this:  Ellie Kate would seize in the car, so car trips were impossible for her.  Also, as Mike often reminds me, I must give up my selfish desire to have my family experience everything together because it hasn't always been the best thing for our girls. So, in the summers, we've taken the boys away and really focused on them!  They eat it up, and love all of the attention.  It really is good for them, and it's good for Mike and I too!  And my parents and our nurses have always cared for the Girls, so they are plenty spoiled too.  Mike's parents even watch Jack (our dog). Everyone is happy! 

As a family, we have never been down to San Antonio to visit my Brother and his wife, Charla.  Their precious twins, Liam and Teagan just turned one, and we were able to take the boys and spend several days down with them in the Texas heat.  It was perfect! 

The Tully's and their Texas Hospitality were so welcoming and we felt right at home.  The boys were amazed at watching the babies do things like eat by themselves, through their mouths - they thought that was amazing!  Teagan flirted with Mike the entire time, and I think he's sort of smitten by her as well.  Teagan LOVED my Ellie Kate necklace, which I always wear.  She liked the charms, and continually was drawn to Ellie Kate's thumb print charm.  I teared up as she did this over and over.  She will never know how special it was to see her little hand touching the finger print of my daughter - someone she never was able to meet in this life.  It was a special memory I will treasure forever. 

They are Connected Through That Charm

 



Our stay was over the Fourth of July, and we watched the fireworks in the most perfect of spots - in the park of the Tully's historical neighborhood.  It was actually sprinkling as the fireworks went off, but it was wonderful!  We were surrounded by many different languages that night and it reminded me of what a special Country we have - one that was founded to welcome ALL people from all religions and all walks of life.  It's a pretty amazing thing. 

 

Ya'll.  I love these babies like my own!!

Since the Tully's live in Downtown/Midtown San Antonio, we pretty much walked wherever we went.  It was SO fun to get a taste of the culture!  We of course ate AMAZING Mexican food and Tyler was sure to fill us in on all of the history of his incredibly special town.  The trip was beautiful, and I was so, so sad to leave.  I just cannot tell you what a blessing it was to see Ty and Charla in action as parents.  They truly are some of the best parents I've ever seen, and I couldn't be more proud of them both. I miss Tyler, Charla and those cuddly babies so much already!!  Oh, how I wish we lived closer! 

 

 

We were home just a few days before we left for our new great adventure!  Mike's brother, Drew and his wife Liz, live in St. Louis with their precious kids, Andrew, Matthew and Molly.  We haven't been up to see them since Conner was almost two and I was pregnant with Ellie Kate!  We were SO excited that it worked out for us to come up, and the St. Louis McLaughlins welcomed us with a darling sign as we pulled up to their house!  The boys jumped out as soon as they could, as they were SO excited to see their cousins.

 

 

 

It was non-stop playing with legos, hitting golf balls, playing soccer, throwing the football, playing basketball, and swimming!  Going to the St. Louis McLaughlin's is like going to a theme park.  They have an absolutely gorgeous backyard with a huge common space, so the kids could run their little hearts out until late at night.  It was picturesque, really and truly, and I found myself completely relaxed under the stars each night, watching the fire flies as the kids played and the parents visited.

 

 



Molly, Matthew and Henry

 



 

We also went to their Country Club pool and swam, and swam and swam; well, Mike and Drew played and swam with the kids while Liz and I enjoyed the warm sunshine and relaxation that comes with laying out and not having to entertain the kiddos.  Henry and Conner fell in love with the diving board, and Henry tried to copy the teenagers with all of his tricks off of it.  It scared me a few times, I admit - but I am super proud of his tenacity and brave-spirit!! 

 

 

Henry, Molly, Andrew, and Conner at Matthew's Swim Meet

 

Miss Molly and Liz took me to the American Girl store and helped me pick out a doll for Lucy.  I wanted to get her a special one for her third birthday, which is coming up in September.  I loved seeing little Molly run through the store, checking it all out.  It's so fun to watch little girls just get so giddy and excited over such fun things!  I don't see that often in my house, so I really took a lot of joy in seeing Molly enjoy the store and in just watching her play all weekend.  She is a doll.

 

 Sweet Molly

 

We were even able to meet up with some of our dearest OKC friends while we were in St. Louis!  We at a quick lunch with our Hope Link friends, Allison and Brian Dalke and Meghan Dickinson who were all there for a large Scentsy Convention.  We met downtown St. Louis and talked about Hope Link and about how good God was to let us all meet up in a different state.  Our time together can be described as "JOY"!  Pure joy. 

 

Precious Hope Link Friends!

 

 

 

 

We also conquered the St. Louis Arch!

 

 

The St. Louis McLaughlins loved on us so well and made us feel very taken care of.  We really didn't want to leave today and we kept putting off the goodbyes.  I wish we lived closer.  I wish Mike had his brother to see and talk to in person on a regular basis.  I wish My Boys had their cousins to play with and grow up with on a daily basis.  Family is just a really precious thing, and this weekend was another reminder of that. 

 

 

 

We are SO grateful that the Lord graciously provided a way for us to drive both to Texas and to Missouri these past two weekends!  We feel loved, refreshed and renewed.  We also have made tons of precious new memories with the boys.  And of course, it wouldn't have been possible without God's provision, without the help of our parents and our nurses, and without the hospitality of our families! 

 

I'm going to bed with a grateful heart!

Ryan