The Month of Reckless Love

December is now upon us, and thus begins "The Month of Reckless Love in Honor of Ellie Kate".  This Thursday, we will celebrate what would have been Ellie Kate's 9th birthday.  I wish I could say that I'm writing this post with the utmost of joy and anticipation, but to be truthful, my heart is in a million pieces.  

I've been told that losing a child is the hardest thing you will ever experience.  I don't have much to compare it to, but I tend to agree with that statement.  I cannot imagine anything more difficult than losing a part of yourself - a little life that you were ordained to love and care for.  Those sweet giggles and smiles and hugs, gone forever until you are reunited in eternity.  A little person that you didn't have the privilege of watching them grow up. God's plans were ever-higher than mine for Ellie Kate, and I trust His timing and His purpose, but that doesn't mean that it doesn't rock me to the core.  And sometimes the sting is so fierce and the pain hits you, wave upon wave.  

While my heart is deeply grieving and mourning already, I am sweetly looking forward to celebrating Ellie this month, and particularly this week at OU Children's Hospital.  So many of you have sent gifts to be given to patients there.  So many have shared details of Ellie's Month with others.  Your participation in this shows us support and love - I just cannot stress that enough.  In participating, you show us that Ellie Kate is not forgotten.  You remind us that there is purpose in her suffering, and in ours.  Watching you give, serve and love lets us know that Ellie's life is having a ripple effect, and that the reckless love we learned from her is continuing to touch the lives of those around the world.  

Today, in our church service, Pastor Sam spoke on "Nowhere Else to Go".  It sounds a little strange for a sermon, but it spoke straight to my heart today.  In John 6:60-70, the disciples had started doubting Jesus and his words.  They said, "This is hard teaching.  Who can accept it?".  And you know what? It IS hard teaching - calling one to lay down his life, to make Jesus Lord and King of their life.  Complete and total surrender.  That isn't exactly the kingdom of God on earth that the disciples likely imagined.  Many of the disciples decided to leave and Jesus asked His twelve if they wanted to leave too.  But Peter answered him, “Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life.  We have come to believe and to know that you are the Holy One of God" (John 6:68-69).  

You see, like Peter, and like all true Believers and Followers of Christ, I have no where else to go.  How do I get through this?  How do I face another day?  How do we survive as individuals and as a family?  It's because all I have is Jesus.  I have nothing on my own.  I fail in every possible area, but He is my portion forever.  And this isn't a sad thing; not a desperate thing.  This is an amazing thing for me to proclaim and cling to - Jesus is all that I have.  That is more than enough, and I am clinging to this truth right now.  

Now on to celebrating Our Girl . . . 

What do we mean by "Reckless Love"?  What we mean is this (and it's very much a 'Mike and Ryan definition'):  

• "Love" should be a verb, an action; it's not just a feeling, because our feelings pass and fail us.  
• "Reckless" means to be unconcerned with the consequences of an action; to test the limits and not worry about what might happen, be it good or bad.  

Reckless Love is taking intentional action in order to benefit the life of another

without worrying about the consequences. 

It's stepping up and out and loving, even if it feels awkward, 

even if it causes a stir in your household, community or place of work.  

Ellie Kate taught US to love others with reckless abandon - to forget about the rules and the limits or how it "should" be done.  Her life taught us to love who the world sees as unlovely.  She taught us to give even when we didn't have enough. She taught us to serve even when it hurt, even when it was costly in time, energy, etc.  Ellie Kate taught us well, and we want to teach the world to love in the same reckless way - the very same way that Jesus loves each and every person on earth.  Our sincere prayer is that your lifestyle will become one of Reckless Love, and that in some small way, our Ellie Kate opens you up to loving, giving and serving like you never thought possible. 



We have an entire Facebook page dedicated to A Month of Reckless Love, and my hope is that you will freely post ways you are loving and serving others with reckless abandon.  Posting won't be a boastful thing; it will be an encouraging thing to Mike and I and to our entire family.  Your posting will also encourage others, and I pray it will spark those who see it to move and do. In Honor of Ellie Kate - FACEBOOK PAGE

Ways to Participate in the Month of Reckless Love:

1. Purchase items on our Reckless Love Wish List: All interactive toys and books donated will be given to ill children at OU Children's Hospital on December 4th.  As a family we will be delivering these items as we celebrate Ellie Kate's birthday:  In Honor of Ellie Kate - AMAZON WISH LIST

2. December 1-31st: Start loving those around you in reckless ways! Give to those in need, purposefully reaching out to those who are hurting, including those with special needs and families who have lost children. Share on our page how you have loved others in Honor of Ellie Kate (see the definitions and explanations above).

3. December 4th: 

• For Ellie Kate's birthday, we ask that you love, serve, encourage, or give to a family with a special-needs child OR to a family who has a lost a child due to any circumstance.  Bring a meal, bake a cake, send a balloon or flowers - anything uplifting to let the family know that they are loved and not forgotten.
• Share Ellie's story with someone you come in contact with.  Post and let us know about your encounter. 
• Share your favorite Ellie Kate memory or story on our FB page

4. December 23rd: Ellie's Heaven Day! Post pictures of you and your family releasing balloons in Ellie Kate's honor. Send messages with your balloons and be creative! This is a way to show our family that you remember our Sweet Girl.

FOR WAYS TO GIVE while receiving a tax write-off: 

*Give to the Ellie Kate Project through Helping Hands Ministries - This is the family medical fund, and giving goes directly to Lucy Belle's medical costs.

*Give to OKC Hope Link OKC Hope Link- - a ministry we help lead; Hope Link reaches families of children with rare, serious and undiagnosed disorders.

*Give to NKH Crusaders and help us find a cure for this terrible disease which causes GI issues, epilepsy, extreme developmental delays, mental retardation, and more. 

 

I will never be able to express to you what this celebration means to me as Ellie Kate's mother.  For Conner and Henry to grow up knowing, that each December, people will come together in honor of their sister, going out to love the world around them with reckless abandon - it is a priceless treasure.   With all that I am, I thank you with a heart that is grateful beyond words.  - Ryan

Overflowing

It's been a while since I've written, and that's odd for me - especially during such a special, awkward and sacred time in our lives.  Writing here is such therapy for me - it helps me process my thoughts.  Even if it isn't read, I am thankful that I can put my words out there.

As you may know, our family has escaped to my favorite place in the world.  Only some of you know where that is, but I can tell you that a beach is involved.  Unfortunately, where we are staying doesn't have wifi (ugh!).  Nonetheless, I instantly, I felt peace upon arriving.  Peace with nature, peace with myself, peace from my Sweet Father-God.  Peace comes in His incredible creation.  So here we are, hiding out for these difficult days, as a family, while getting to see extended family and friends in the area.  It's been precious so far, even though my emotions have been up and down.

Here's a taste of where we are . . . 

I'm of course reliving those last precious days with Ellie Kate while we are here.  Some of the memories are very, very painful.  When you watch your loved one suffer so terribly, it really does cut you to your core.  How I wish I could have taken that earthly pain away from her!

Thursday, December 19th:  We brought Ellie home from the hospital on hospice.  The night before, Mike had stayed the night in the hospital so that I could get ready for Ellie coming home.  I walked in her room on December 19th and was struck with how she looked.  She had truly taken a turn for the worse.  Every time I tried to feed her, she would scream in pain.  She was already starting to bruise all over her body.  At that moment, I knew that we had made the right decision as her body truly was breaking down.

That evening was a hard one.  We had planned some fun and special things, but Ellie was already in rough shape.  I realized the plans I had made were just that - MY plans, and not what was best for my Daughter.  So, we played it by ear.  And we loved on Ellie as much as we could.

Friday, December 20th:  On this day, Ellie still had a bit of energy.  She tried to engage with us a few times.  She touched the Christmas tree. And, by God's goodness, our friend and photographer, Holly Hall, was able to come to take hospice photos. Ellie was going downhill so fast, and our minds were trying to wrap around that.  We obviously had never done hospice pictures before, and neither had Holly; but God was with us all, and He inspired this artist.  The result was precious pictures, some of which we've never posted.   We invited her therapists and teachers over to stay goodbye that evening.  She had a burst of energy that night, and I'm so thankful that we were able to watch her "hop" her friends out the door, like she loved to do with any visitors.  It was precious.  I will warn you now: For those that know EK, the following pics may be hard to see, as she is so unlike herself . . .

Saturday, December 21st: This day, Ellie was going in and out of consciousness.  I held her most of the day, except for the times of vomiting I had brought on by my nerves.  My friend Jenni Khufal came to visit, even though she was suffering (and still is) from a rare and serious form of cancer.  We received gifts from Miranda Lambert, Taylor Swift and Carrie Underwood - Ellie's favorites.  I like to think that she could still here us some, as well as the music we played her, and the prayers we said over her.

By that evening, one year ago tonight, we knew the end was near.  Nurse Mindy stayed with Mike and I.  We put her in bed with us, loving on her through the night.  It was the most precious night of my life.  See, Ellie never like to snuggle with me.  I think it was because we never physically bonded when she was an infant.  After all, she was on the ventilator for almost two months, then was in and out the hospital for most of that first year.  But that night, we snuggled like never before.

I will save the rest for later this weekend.  We so covet your prayers and blessings for us during this time.  As the end of our "Firsts" without Ellie Kate is drawing near, I find myself full of so many emotions, which I'm sure is normal.  I'm just glad to be in a peaceful place with my family, away from the normal and day-to-day, away from our home and those last hard memories.  I am SO GRATEFUL, friends.  God is infinitely good, and I'm only beginning to see the outskirts of His kindness.

Also, remember that the Month of Reckless Love in Honor of Ellie Kate is still going strong!  You still have time to jump in and participate with active, purposeful acts of kindness and love to those around you.  Here are a few ways you can still participate . . .

December 23rd: Ellie's Heaven Day! Post pictures of you and your family releasing PINK balloons in Ellie Kate's honor. Send messages with your balloons and be creative! This is a way to show our family that you remember our Sweet Girl.


FOR WAYS TO GIVE while receiving a tax write-off: 

*Give to the "Ellie Kate Project" through Helping Hands Ministries - This is the family medical fund, and giving goes directly to Lucy Belle's medical costs.  Although we do have good insurance coverage, many of the NKH meds and treatments are not FDA approved, and thus are not covered.  With Helping Hands, we turn in our receipts and they can pay they directly.  It's great accountability, which we are grateful for.  

*Give to NKH Crusaders and help us find a cure for this terrible disease which causes GI issues, epilepsy, extreme developmental delays, mental retardation, and more. 

*Give to OKC Hope Link OKC Hope Link- - a ministry we help lead; Hope Link reaches families of children with rare, serious and undiagnosed disorders.

Overflowing With His Love,
Ryan