All the Hurts - Crying Out

"And now, my soul is poured out within me; 

Days of affliction have seized me.  

At night, it pierces my bones within me, 

and my gnawing pains take no rest." 

Job 30:16-17

Grateful for a Life Well-Lived . . . 
It's been a blur, these last few days and weeks.  Last week, Mike's Daddy died.  It's hard to take that in.  It's hard to believe it, to be honest.  Stan was diagnosed with Stage 4 cancer last October.  He underwent treatment in Norman, Oklahoma but after visiting several cancer centers, he and his wife Jayme (Mike's Momma) decided to seek treatment in St. Louis, MO.  Drew, Mike's little brother, lives in St. Louis with his family and they assisted Stan and Jayme as they moved and began treatment there in Missouri.  

Stan underwent surgery where they took out part of his tumor and reversed the ostomy bag which was placed last October.  So, unfortunately, Stan became septic and also contracted c-diff, a serious infection in the intestines.  He was moved to a wonderful hospice center on a Friday and died just a few days later, his wife by his side.  

Mike was able to drive and be with his daddy during those last days.  The day following my minor surgery, I was able to fly out to St. Louis, also spending a few days with Stan.  Henry went with me, taking care of me on the trip.  He truly was exceptional and I think it was a gift to Jayme and Stan to have him there.  Mike's sister, Jenny was also able to come in with her husband, Greg.  Every one of Stan's children was able to talk to him, laugh with him and cry with him.  Stan's sister and brother also drove in from Oklahoma and were also able to spend time with their brother.  It was a bittersweet time as we watched the natural give way to the supernatural.  

What brings me hope is knowing Stan has the promise of eternal life through Christ.  He's now with his Momma, who passed away just a couple of years ago, as well as with other friends and family, including Ellie Kate.  Ellie LOVED her Paw Paw and, OH!  How I wish I could have witnessed their reunion!  It makes me so happy, knowing Ellie has her dear grandfather now with her.  A celebration of Stan's life will take place this Thursday, May 3rd at 11am and will be held at Bridgeway Church in OKC.  
Below is a tribute I wrote for Stan, whom I dearly love . . . 

Stanley Wayne McLaughlin

Obituary by Ryan McLaughlin

Stanley Wayne McLaughlin was born in Las Vegas, NV at Nellis Airforce Base to Joy and Sterling McLaughlin. After a valiant battle with cancer, Stan left this broken world in St. Louis, Missouri, with his faithful wife, Jayme by his side. Because of Stan’s personal relationship with God, he had no fear in death, having full assurance of a perfect, peaceful, eternal life with his Creator.

“Stan the Man” is survived by the Love of his Life, his wife of 45 years, Jayme Gresh McLaughlin; sister Jill McLaughlin Bougie, husband Larry Bougie and family; brother Steve McLaughlin and wife, Brenda and family, all of Northeast Oklahoma. Stan also leaves behind three children - Jennifer McLaughlin Sutherland (husband, Greg Sutherland) of Dallas, TX; Michael McLaughlin (wife, Ryan Elizabeth Tully McLaughlin) of Oklahoma City, OK and Andrew McLaughlin (wife, Elizabeth Benoist McLaughlin) of St. Louis, MO. Stan was the perfect “Paw Paw” to his many grandchildren, who would follow him like the pied-piper. He was their endless playmate and will be terribly missed. Stan’s grandchildren include Aimee, Scott, Sam, Gabe, and Emalee of Dallas; Conner, Henry, Lucy, and Bowen Jane of OKC and Andrew, Matthew and Molly of St. Louis.

Stan is preceded in death by his mother, Joy McLaughlin, and father, Sterling McLaughlin as well as his beloved granddaughter, Ellie Kate McLaughlin. We have no doubt, their heavenly reunion was more precious than we, on earth, could imagine!

A natural athlete, Stan played basketball at Nathan Hale High School and went on to play at the University of Tulsa, graduating with a B.A. in Marketing and Management. While his children played sports, Stan served Midwest City high school by filming games for the team. During his time on earth, he worked as a salesman for Kraft, and in most recent years, worked as a Realtor for Keller Williams, partnering his wife, Jayme. He loved being a realtor and excelled at making friends and selling homes. Stan never met a person he didn’t like and was always quick to make others feel comfortable, especially with his gentle-giant countenance and silly humor.

Stan McLaughlin loved the Lord Jesus with his entire being, having surrendered his life to Christ at an early age. He had a deep desire to study God’s Word and spent years involved in extensive Precept Bible Studies, also leading various Precept classes at Bridgeway Church in OKC, where he and Jayme faithfully attended and served Communion, over many years.

Along with a great love for OU Football, Stan Musial, and The Beatles, Stan’s life and example lay out a beautiful legacy of faith in Jesus Christ and a sincere love for others. Stan leaves a breathtakingly beautiful legacy of marriage with his Bride Jayme, who is his very best friend and finest confidant.

“Faithful” - when we think of you, Stan and share your stories and say your name, we will remember you as this... Stan: a faithful friend, faithful worker, faithful Christ-follower, faithful husband, faithful father, and faithful son. Your example of faithfulness in your happy marriage will live on for generations to come. Your dedication and hard work are things for which we will strive, and we will instill them in future generations. We will continue to work tirelessly, by your example, finding and adding humor to every part of life. We will say your name. We will remind your generations of the Covenant you made with God and the promises He gives us as His Children. Until we are One Day reunited, we hold you close to our hearts, never forgetting the legacy, which in your absence, now defines you.

While flowers are obviously welcomed, as an alternative, in lieu of flowers, we ask you to support one of the following organizations in Stan McLaughlin’s name . . .

OKC Hope Link, A Not-For-Profit Corporation
228 West Hefner Road
OKC, OK 73120
http://www.okchopelink.org/Give.php

Crying Out to God for Extension of Life . . . 
When I landed in Missouri that Saturday, I received a message from my Dear Friend, Julie Haller., which took my breath away.  There had been an accident with her son, Rye who is one of Henry's very best friends.  Rye wasn't breathing.  He didn't have a pulse when he was found.  He was on his way to OU Children's and Julie was calling on friends and strangers alike to pray for a miracle.  Since that day, Rye has been on the ventilator and in the PICU.  Doctors have not given much hope and in fact, those with organ donation came in early on to speak with the family (which, in my opinion, was premature).  As Julie explains, Rye's in NOT a traumatic brain injury like someone in a car accident. 

Rye in Mexico on a recent family trip (from Julie)

This week has been hard for my friends, although I do not pretend to know or understand at all, what they are facing.  A lively, active, typical, athletic, happy little boy - all of a sudden, in an accident, where his oxygen was cut off for presumably 30-40minutes - how do you even BEGIN to wrap your mind around it?  I've been going to visit my friends at OU when, so many times, they've come to visit both Ellie Kate and Lucy.  The pain they must feel is immeasurable BUT their HOPE is in GOD, the Creator of the Universe, the Creator of Rye, who knows the ins and outs of every single thing going on in his brain and body.  

Recent photo at OU (from Julie)

Henry, Conner and Rye 

Would you please pray for our friends and their precious son?  

Pray specifically for all his momma asks below in the following update . . . 

"After six days of unresponsiveness to hourly neurological checks, it was very encouraging to see Rye’s eyes open yesterday and for Rick to witness him appropriately responding to pain inflicted purposely by the doctor. That means that the doctor pinched his shoulder and he reacted by moving that shoulder. Sometimes brain injury patients would respond to that by kicking a leg, for example. That would be a reaction but not appropriate. We appreciate the many of you have shared encouraging stories of people recovering from brain injuries, even though the doctors would be quick to point out that traumatic brain injuries are very different from Rye’s situation. He went without oxygen to his brain for a prolonged period of time causing cell death. Although Rye was not declared brain dead after the MRI, he was not far from it. We were preparing ourselves to begin the donor matching process today because his physical signs (which the doctors seem to weigh as equal indicators of brain activity as MRI results, etc.) have no proof of any basic abilities. We are greatly relieved that God answered our prayers yesterday for a clear sign that Rye has not yet reached the predicted end. We celebrate that doctors agree that we should wait and see what happens next. That alone is a miracle to us. Seeing Rye’s eyes again today was precious to this momma. Even though the doctor reminded me that this is “all we may get,” it was more than we had expected. God will have the final word on the number of Rye’s days on earth. Until then, we continue to cry out to Him, THE WORD through whom all things were made in the beginning, to remake and heal His child mentally, emotionally, spiritually, intellectually, physically and socially so he “shall not die, but live, and declare the works of the Lord”. We know God can, we pray He will". - Julie Haller

This life is hard - indescribably difficult.  It doesn't make sense, no matter how hard we try to make the puzzle pieces fit.  There are great joys and bliss, but there are also heartaches and pain too deep to describe with words.  The World needs GOD.  I NEED GOD.  I need to know that there is purpose - a BEAUTIFUL purpose and plan for what many times, feels like chaos.  God is with us in the chaos.  Even when you can't feel Him there or sense Him there, He is present.  Even when you can't hear Him or see Him, He's still there.  I do not believe God causes ALL things to happen, but I DO believe He is WITH US through ALL THINGS.  He is our Abba, our Father, and He can be trusted even though our prayer may often be, "Lord, I choose to believe!  Help my unbelief!".  

The Lord is all-knowing.  He is the Creator of life.  

He is, "The Blessed Controller of All Things".  He knows the number of our days, from conception to death.  Stan knew this and his family clings to this Truth now as they mourn.  Rye's family knows these things to be true and they cling to this now as they cry out to God on behalf of their precious son.  

Thank you for your encouragement and love, Friends.  Thank you for praying for our family and for Rye and his family too.  I'm grateful today, knowing God hears our cries.

Ryan

Psalm 39:7, "And now, Lord, for what do I wait?  My hope is in you."
Ephesians 3:20-21, "Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all we ask or think, according to the power who works in us, to Him be the glory in Jesus Christ for all generations, forever and ever, amen."

A Solemn Dance

It's a Solemn Dance,  with"Mourning" and "Thanksgiving" as the Partners.  It can be confusing, frustrating, and oftentimes, the unknown of it all can make you physically sick.  

At points, this Dance is intensely precious, passionate, and beautiful - so much so, you want to hold on each part, every picture in your mind, hoping to fully grasp the intense feelings it can bring.  You may not fully understand, but you know it is Holy and can only come from God.

This Dance - the coinciding of these intensely genuine, human emotions, awkwardly trying to find balance; giving and taking, back and forth, fighting to make something beautiful . . . 
THIS, is Suffering for the Believer.  

Thanksgiving was a sweet time of reflection and gratefulness for our family and we were blessed by the presence of Mike's Parents, Stan and Jayme.  As you may know, in October, Stan was diagnosed with Stage 4 Cancer, which has metasticized.  He is determined to live-out more days on earth with his family, yet the chemo and cancer have started to ravage his body - this tall, strong man who played college basketball; the Paw Paw we cheerfully call, the "Pied Piper", because the grandchildren follow him around like little ducklings.  He is kind, a gentle-giant, and it hurts our hearts to see him struggling.  What a GIFT it was to be in Stan's presence this Thanksgiving! 

Lucy and Paw Paw, 2014

Sweet Lucy slept most of Thanksgiving Day, but we did have some sweet moments when she was lucid and awake.  Her body is brutally thin, her hair starting to fall out.  She hardly has any energy at all, yet there are times when we hear her precious giggle and laughter, even in the middle of the night.  Last evening, Lucy started throwing up with each feeding, no matter how small the amount that was given.  She's been weak, pale and often trembles, but on Thanksgiving she joined us in the living room as we sat around, sharing all we were thankful for.  At the top of the list: Thanksgiving for another Holiday to spend with Stan and Lucy.  

Last evening, we had the honor of decorating Stan and Jayme's home for Christmas, which was a special request from Stan.  Tonight, we start decorating my Parent's house, mainly with Lucy in mind.  Something about the warm glow of the lights, the colors all around the house, the smells and sounds that come with it all - it brings comfort, love and a familiarity that is . . . HOME.  It's something we all want during the Holidays, especially for these family members who are suffering so in the physical realm.  I cannot wait to see Lucy's face when she sees the lights and the tree!  

Oh Lord, Why Now?  

Why would you allow all of this suffering AGAIN, 

during the same Holiday Season? 

 Isn't one time enough, 

with Ellie Kate's death, December 23rd? 

 It's been five years since we buried Our Girl and now, 

TWO more members of our family 

firmly face earthly death, 

if not for a complete miracle for God.  

My heart grows weary and cries out often. 

Oh, Ya'll!  It's hard not to despair completely, knowing these Precious Ones suffer so!  And on a MUCH-lower level, I find myself tempted to despair over my feelings of loss and heartache, as well as anticipation of what I KNOW is coming.  It's compounded by feelings of not having our own space, as we are selling our house, and continue to live with my Parents (who so graciously have allowed us here).  I long for our own space, especially this time of year, as silly as it sounds.  Admittedly, this is THE very hardest time of year for me, personally and for our family - Ellie Kate's birthday on December 4th, leading up to her Heaven Day on December 23rd, followed by the festivities of Christmas Eve and Christmas Day.  Of course, our Dear Bowen Jane's FIRST Birthday ALSO falls on December 23rd too.  There are many mixed emotions flooding my heart, mind and body; intense thoughts and memories.  Sometimes it feels my emotions swing like a pendolum, back and forth, from one extreme to another . . . and right now, it  compounds the feelings of knowing nothing seems to have it's place. 

When God has done SO MUCH for us, providing miracles for Our Family through precious people, many times, it is still a battle to overcome the sadness, the sorrow, and the mourning for the future and for what we know will come. 

The Holidays can be BRUTAL, 

and not just for Our Family. 

 I know so many of you are in similar circumstances, feeling similar things this Season, many fighting depression and darkness; hopelessness and despair.  

You KNOW God has been incredibly good and yet, 

at times, the circumstances surrounding you seem too heavy to bear.  

You aren't alone.  

It's during these times, I am drawn to God's Word; 

the Precious Words of Life, 

the ONLY never-changing Truths 

in this broken, scarred-filled World.

Rest in knowing you aren't alone: 

for Ages, Fellow Believers have joined us in this very longing . . . 

Romans 8:23 ,"And even we asChristians, although we have the Holy Spirit within us as a foretaste of future glory, also groan to be released from pain and suffering. We, too, wait anxiously for that day when God will give us our full rights as his children, including the new bodies he has promised us—bodies that will never be sick again and will never die".

Rest in knowing there is Purpose in Suffering:

 Romans 5:3,4  . . . "We rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame".

Romans 8:17 ,"And since we are his children, we will share his treasures—for all God gives to his Son Jesus is now ours too. But if we are to share his glory, we must also share his suffering".

Rest in knowing God comforts Us in every Season:

2 Corinthians 1:3-5,"What a wonderful God we have—he is the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the source of every mercy, and the one who so wonderfully comforts and strengthens us in our hardships and trials. And why does he do this? So that when others are troubled, needing our sympathy and encouragement, we can pass on to them this same help and comfort God has given us. 5 You can be sure that the more we undergo sufferings for Christ, the more he will shower us with his comfort and encouragement . . . "

There is Purpose in EVERY 

heartache and suffering, Friend.  

For Centuries, Believers everywhere have experienced deep disapointment and loss, 

somehow intertwined with joy and thanksgiving; 

surely, we too can move forward 

in Faith as they did.  

Through every Season, even in those which seem confusing or all-too-heavy, 

HE IS OUR COMFORT.

God is with us every step of the way, 

always and forever.  

********************************************************************************
December 1st is upon us, and "Ellie Kate's Month of Reckless Love" will soon begin!  It's an entire month, Ellie's Month, dedicated to loving and serving others in reckless, unexpected, over-the-top ways.  I cannot wait for it to begin!  FIVE years - it just doesn't seem possible that we've spent FIVE Christmases without Our Eldest Daughter, our Brown-Haired-Beauty, whose green eyes glistened with every giggle.  

This year, in honor of Ellie Kate and in celebration of her month, we'll be adopting THREE Hope Link Families.  Hope Link is the Foundation (501c3) birthed in 2007, when the Lord first revealed our Pre-Destined Mission as a couple, as a family, and as individuals: loving and serving families within the medically-fragile and special needs communities; families like ours.  Hope Link seeks to serve families of children with rare, serious and undiagnosed disorders.  Several of our families have already lost children to their rare diseases and disorders as well.  It will be a JOY to bless THREE of our families with Christmas this year and I hope you make plans to participate!  

Also this year, in celebration of Ellie Kate's Fifth Heaven Anniversary, we will be fulfilling, "Ellie's Wish", which reaches to our extended NKH Family, all around the world.  Families apply for specific things their child with NKH may need and YOU will have the opportunity to help grant that wish!  "Ellie's Wish" joins NKH Crusaders in blessing and providing for these precious NKH children, and I cannot wait to see their needs met.  

Thank you in advance, 

for preparing to participate in 

Ellie Kate's Month of Reckless Love. 

 It means more than you could know, 

especially on this milestone anniversary 

of EK's Heaven Day. 

More information will soon be posted, 

and I pray you will be watching 

in excitement and anticipation, 

ready to love and serve with Ellie Kate in mind.

In Mourning and Thanksgiving, 

Ryan