To Everything, There is a Season

Sitting here at Lucy's bedside while she finally finds rest and peace, even though it's through the help of medication, I am reminded of her true and natural beauty.  My Daughter is breathtakingly gorgeous - with her thick, long eye lashes and her golden curls; her perfectly-shaped lips and little dimpled hands.  Lucy turns SIX on September 26th, but there's no party planning taking place right now.  Right now, I'm glued to her side as we try to figure out what's going on inside her little body, and as we are faced with decisions no parent should have to face.

Two weeks ago today, we brought Lucy into the ER for severe tremors, vomiting and constipation.  We were admitted the following day and during the next week, many different tests were done and many different specialty teams have come on board with Lucy's care.  She seemed stable on Sunday, so we were discharged all to be brought back to the ER yesterday with that awful, horrible, constant shaking of her body.  It's hard to explain what it looks like, but it is gut-wrenching, as she can't control her body parts in any way.  She has been in so much pain and tries so hard to suck her thumb (one of her only coping mechanisms), but the shaking is too violent and her body won't let her do that.

To Everything, There is a Season - earlier this summer we welcomed my brother home from Oxford and spent some wonderful, happy times together. My Little Sister got married just two weeks ago.  Family birthdays have come and gone, school activities and the like - a Season of Celebration and happiness!  Now, it seems, that a Season of Mourning is upon us, although I truly wish that were not the case.

Mike and I have been meeting with doctors and talking about the future.  We don't know why Lucy's body is seizing, shaking, etc.  We don't know why her bowels aren't working on their own, and why she isn't absorbing her feeds and medications through her gtube.  Will it change and turn around?  Will this just be a passing phase?  Oh, we surely hope so!  But, the evidence is telling us otherwise.  Lucy's body is tired and she's been in agony - NO parent wants their child to live in agony.

I've posted several video updates from the last weeks, onto my Facebook page, and you are welcome to catch up on more details that way.  For now, we are praying for Lucy to be comforted, pain-free and at peace, whatever that might look like.  While we know so many have the best of intentions by offering us remedies, solutions, vitamins, oils, and more, we are secure in the information and treatments we have at this time.  Thank you for understanding that, what we don't need right now, are remedies to help Lucy.  We just want prayer.

A precious friend has set up a Lotsa Helping Hands Calendar for our family, and the needs posted will change as this journey changes.  If you would like to help or serve, please visit the link below and find a way that will be easy for you and for your family.

Lotsa Helping Hands care calendar


We've had several folks ask us about a "Go Fund Me" page, but that's not where the Lord is leading us at this time. YES, we have medical bills and needs we are asking the Lord to provide for and truthfully, I have no idea how we would pay for what lies ahead (it's all so ridiculously expensive), BUT we know God will provide.  He is with us now and He isn't just going to leave us by the wayside, naked and afraid, without any hope.  If you would like to contribute financially, you may visit the link below.  All donations go solely toward our medical expenses and you will receive a tax write-off for your donation.

Tax-Deductible Donations through Helping Hands Ministries

Thank you for your prayers.  Thank you for your friendship, encouragement and love.  Your acts of kindness and service truly show us God's love and we are forever grateful.

Ryan

A Time for Everything

3 For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven:

2 a time to be born, and a time to die;
a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;
3 a time to kill, and a time to heal;
a time to break down, and a time to build up;
4 a time to weep, and a time to laugh;
a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
5 a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together;
a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
6 a time to seek, and a time to lose;
a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
7 a time to tear, and a time to sew;
a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
8 a time to love, and a time to hate;
a time for war, and a time for peace.

Three Little Girls

It's a sad time within our community.  The community of Moore and our own special-needs community has really suffered loss lately, and it's so hard to make sense of it all. To be honest,  I can't make sense of it, and I never will be able to; until, that is, I am reunited with Ellie Kate and I see Jesus face to face.

One of these sweet little girls died of the flu.  It seems so senseless, right?  A typically healthy girl, hit with the flu, and all of a sudden she has fluid on her brain because of an extremely high fever caused by the virus.  And then she's with Jesus.  And her family is left to find a new normal, with hardly any notice.

One little girl went to school with Ellie Kate, or should I say, Ellie Kate went to school with her.  She and her sister were popular at Wayland Bonds Elementary, with their beautiful smiles and determined personalities.  Even though this sweet one was physically disabled, she was extremely smart and knew exactly what was going on around her.  I always stood in awe watching her - she had friends.  Real and true friends.  She was completely cognitively aware and had the most beautiful curly hair (other than that of my girls, of course).

The first time I met her, I had stocked her momma.  Really I had just seen them in the grocery store when I had run in for one item.  I could see that both girls were extra special and I wanted to track down that momma and meet her.  Her girls seemed close to Ellie Kate's age and I wanted to get to know her as we had just moved from North OKC to Moore.  I'm sure I scared that woman to death as I ran up to her in the check-out line, asking all kinds of questions and talking to her beautiful girls.  It was an honor to briefly know this little one, and many of our precious friends are close to this family, and are hurting and mourning, yet rejoicing.  They are glad the earthly suffering is over.  But her sister, friends and parents are left . . . without her, to find their new normal.

One little girl is a dear friend of ours, a dear friend of Ellie Kate's.  Kelsy is on hospice and is very close to meeting Jesus face to face.  Her little earthly body is failing rapidly, and her family and friends have surrounded her in every possible way.  I have no doubt that Kelsy feels loved, safe and secure.



Yesterday, Mike and I had the privilege of going out to Kelsy's house with our precious friend, Holly Hall.  Holly runs "Ellie's Legacy",  where she takes hospice photos for children like Ellie Kate and Kelsy.  Holly did such a beautiful job capturing Kelsy and her family.  The giftings God has given to Holly are absolutely incredible, but the fact that Holly allows Christ to use her giftings to love others in this way is really a remarkable thing.  Who chooses to go out and take pictures of a dying child; especially one that they do not know?  God has given Holly the strength to do it and she does it all so bravely.

 Kelsy and her Mommy

You can never be prepared for death

Beautiful, long eye lashes

Holly and I visited today, talking about how bittersweet it is to be involved in these precious hospice pictures.  We've done this three times now, and each time has been vastly different, but also very intense.  It gets overwhelming sometimes, but it is also an extreme honor. I can honestly say that it is one of the greatest honors of my life.  Oh, Father!  What a complete privilege this is!  Thank you for using us in this way.  Give us courage, peace and strength.  May you alone be glorified in these sweet endeavors.  

Kelsy loved being surrounded by her sisters yesterday

I don't pretend to know exactly how each of these mommas are feeling right now.  I have a taste of what they have seen and heard and what they have yet to face in the days, weeks, months and years to come.  But it's only a taste and everyone's loss and journey is different (wouldn't life be miserable if we were all the same?!).  Even though I don't know exactly how all three are feeling at this moment, I am praying in specific ways.  And you know what?  YOU can pray for them in specific ways too.  Even if you've never suffered loss.  Even if you don't have a critically ill child.  You can pray for all three women, specifically.

• Ask God to heal their hearts.  
• Ask Him to prepare their hearts for the viewings, for the services, for the casket and funeral decisions that Kelsy's mom will soon make.  
• Pray that the Lord would bring extreme peace to each heart and that He would capture each thought that isn't of him.  When a mom loses a child, her mind can race in a million different directions and it can mourn a million different things at once.  
• Pray that the Lord would reign in feelings and that he would oversee every conversation, every word that is said around and over each woman.  

You can pray specifically for the families - for the brothers and sisters left behind; for those daddies who mourn not being able to protect their little girls from death (yes, that is something these daddies face).  Pray for grandparents, pray for the little friends within these communities who are affected by these great earthly losses.  I'm asking you to intercede on behalf of these families who are suffering much.  

This world has so much loss and hurt, doesn't it?  That's why we need Jesus.  And yes, Friends - He DOES give us WAY more than we can handle so that we know that we need Him.  These folks have way more than they can handle right now, I am sure of that.  And we can ask the Lord to lift their burdens.

How do you handle loss?  Who do you go to?  With all my heart and with all that I am, I encourage you to go to Jesus.  Even if you never have before, cry out to Jesus and He will meet you.  It's absolutely not religion, legalism or rules - if it were, I would be the first out the door.  What He offers is Freedom.  He is the ONLY way to eternal life and abundant life (full, rich) here on earth.  There could be nothing more wonderful than that!!  These children are in the presence of God.  Where will you be when you die?  

"And now, dear brothers and sisters, we want you to know what will happen to the believers who have died so you will not grieve like people who have no hope." 

(I Thess. 4:13)

Our Pioneer Woman

Ellie Kate recently welcomed her Great-Grandmother Tully as she entered Heaven and left this broken world behind.  Colleen Patricia McFarland Tully passed away on her farm, just as she wanted.  She poured her heart, soul and life into that farm and the house that they built on their land, so long ago.  I can only imagine the reunion Ellie and Grammie must have had!  It brings me so much joy to think about.  

Grammie's death holds some uncertainty at this time, which hurts my heart very much.  I think everyone would agree that they want their loved ones to pass peacefully.  I always imagined Grammie meeting Jesus in her sleep, but that isn't the way her life on earth ended. But now . . . none of that matters.  She is with her Lord and Savior, Jesus.  And she has been reunited with her beloved dauther, Deidre, who passed away from cancer at the age of 22.  And My Sweet Ellie Kate . . . can you even imagine??!!  

I imagine Ellie's "welcome" smile looked something like this

I'm so grateful that we were able to spend time with my Grandmother while she was living on earth.  Mike and I would take the boys out to the farm and we would have lots of adventures there, making memories all along the way.  Each time, the boys would leave with some little trinket, rock or shell that Grammie gave them as a special treasure.  Conner and Henry went down quite often to visit Grammie with my Dad.  They love her and always looked forward to picking up a hamburger and Dr. Pepper for their Great Grandmother.  The boys truly felt safe in her home, and they absolutely love being there.  I'm glad they knew my Grandmother well.  I'm glad that Grammie knew and loved them so much, and also loved Ellie Kate and Lucy so dearly.  She would hold and hug on the girls, even when they were wiggling and kicking, as they often do/did.  They both have her green eyes.  Grammie buried her daughter as well, and she had given me a few pieces of wisdom during the times since Ellie passed, which I hold dear to my heart.

Henry and Grammie at Braum's

Summertime Fun with Grammie 

(photos by Henry)

Colleen Tully is my Grandmother, and I am proud that I'm in her bloodline - part of this large, crazy, fun, loud, opinionated, loyal, and stubborn family! She was brave, strong, heard-headed, intelligent, caring, and stubborn (did I mention that already?).  We call her the "Pioneer Woman" because she loved living out in the country, fixing her home and raising animals. I have memories of baking oatmeal raisin cookies with her and picking berries off her farm.  She would let me ride her tractor with her, and she even let me stay with her for two weeks one summer.  I had so much fun and remember her teaching me to drive, with TWO feet, back when I was only twelve.  

One of my most treasured memories is when Grammie came up to Ellie Kate's dance recital at school.  I was able to get a picture of Ellie, Grammie and Lucy - it's the only one I have of all three of them together, and it's precious to me.  That was one of Ellie Kate's best days - really, one of the happiest days of her little life, and my Grandmother was there to witness all of her smiles and was able to see her on stage.  It makes me proud.  

What a Special Day!

I truly will miss my Grandmother.  I will miss her hands, I will miss her voice.  I will miss her hugs, although I'm thankful that she is no longer confined to that precious, little frail and thin body.  I will miss getting to call her on the phone, taking her a burger and piece of pie from Hamburger King, and of course, bringing her Dr. Peppers!  I know my boys will greatly miss her too - in so many ways, as they were all so close.  

Please pray for my Dad and his siblings as they handle all of the many things that come up when a loved one passes.  There is so much to do, along with facing the loss of their mother.  They know she's alive and they know where she is, but I know they will be drained in every way possible.  I would also love prayers for our boys as this all sinks in for them.  I asked Conner tonight if he was okay and he said, "I'm okay, Momma.  I've just lost so much, you know?".  It hurts my heart, and Mike and I desperately want to parent well through this season.  

"May the God of hope fill you with all JOY and PEACE in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in PEACE." Romans 15:13

PEACE.  JOY.  HOPE.  He still reigns and I will worship.  

Ryan