REDEMPTION! The Lord has done GREAT things and we are FILLED with JOY!

"Yes, the LORD has done amazing things for us! 

What joy!"

Psalm 126:3, NLT

Four years ago today (Dec 28th), we attended a service with many of you - the Celebration of Ellie Kate's Life, full of dancing, pink balloons, cookies, and even art.  We heard from precious Elders and Pastors who spoke life to all of us through God's Word.  We worshiped the Lord together, and collectively thanked God for Our Daughter's Beautiful Life - a life so short and yet a life that left a daily impact upon me as her mother, and a life who left an impact on so many of you as well.  Watch Ellie Kate's Life Celebration Here: EK Life Celebration 2012

During the time of mourning and healing these past four years; during this time of soul-searching, learning who we are in Christ, learning God’s character . . . we’ve heard so much.  

 We've heard about God's faithfulness and of His goodness.  

• We've been told that, "Everything happens for a reason" and that Ellie Kate's death wasn't purposeless or "In vain".
• We have heard of His Providence and that NOTHING can happen outside of what He allows or even causes
• We've heard that God knows our hearts and our desires and that He even places certain desires in our hearts; that He FULFILLS the desires of our hearts that will bring Him glory and those that will be for our good.
• We've been told of God's radical, reckless love for us and for our children - of His love for ALL of our children, even the little girl who suffered and died.
• We have heard that God will cause ALL of this - the good, the bad, the ugly - to work together for OUR good and for HIS glory, and that the same is true for our children.



But in all of this, what DO we believe and why?

 Do I still stand by what I've said I believe and that which

I believe God to has shown me in the past?

Has God changed? 

• I don't pretend to have tasted the worst this life has to offer.  All I know is what we've been through and what we've faced and that, has felt like a spiritual death, a mental death, an emotional death so many times over, and if it weren't for God's faithfulness and for the Hope He gives us through eternal life, we would have succumb to these trials in some way, shape or form.  

• We have felt like we've walked through the Valley of the Shadow of Death (Psalm 23:4).
• At times, we've felt abandoned by God and haven't felt His presence.  We've had to learn to choose to trust Him, trust His promises, because nothing else has made sense.  Lord, I believe!  Help my unbelief (Mark 9:24)!  
• We have truly experienced "groanings too deep for words (Romans 8:26)", and I know so many of you can relate to this deep crushing of your spirits.  
• We've wondered if God would fulfill His promises - if He would indeed cause things to work for our good, for the good of our living children (we know He's worked it for Ellie Kate's good bc she is complete and whole with Jesus).

Where we've experienced "groanings too deep for words", we are now experiencing JOY too immense of human definition.  

Where we've walked "through the Valley of the Shadow of Death", we are now skipping through the mountaintops of new life and new beginnings!  

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There are people reading this today and God has a message for some of you.

 It’s a clear message:

Sweet Momma, Our Father-God wants you to know that He IS working intimately and intricately on your behalf and on behalf of your children.  You will see His Victory soon and you will see the goodness on behalf of your children!

Struggling Daddy, Our Good, Father is taking care of ALL of your needs - emotional, mental and physical, so listen to His voice.  He's taking care of your precious children too. You will see His Victory soon and you will see the goodness on behalf of your children!  It will be better than you could ever have planned!

 

On December 23^rd 2012, Ellie Kate left this earth to spend eternity with Jesus. 

 On that day four years ago, we held Ellie for the last time and it took my breath away, as I watched them wrap that sweet body in a white sheet, carrying Ellie Kate out to a van and driving her away from us forever. 

On December 23^rd, 2016, Bowen Jane McLaughlin was born into our family through adoption.  This past Friday, God took my breath away when I witnessed our fifth child being born; when the doctor wrapped Bowen Jane in a white blanket of sorts, and handed her to me to hold forever.  On Christmas Morning, we welcomed Bowen into our home.

Who, but God could make this happen in such an extraordinarily exquisite way?!  Better than we could ever dream up or ever begin to hope. 

Without yet going into details, I can tell you that we are going through a private attorney, who is a precious Believer and friend.  Through God's goodness, we were connected to the birth mom through one of Ellie Kate's former home health nurses.  NO doubt, Ellie Kate has played a big role in all of this and we wouldn't have our Bowen Jane without our eldest daughter, of that we are sure.

This most certainly came to us, out of nowhere, although we had publically expressed our desire for adopting and had shared the things God so fiercely laid on our hearts, burning it even brighter starting December 18th, 2015, when He led me to post about it on FB.  

The process has involved friends and strangers, Believers and those who do not know the Lord yet personally.  We’ve become close to our Birth Mom and to her little family.  Mike and I rest, knowing we have literally stood back and watched God at work.  We haven’t pushed or prodded or even sought things out.  We’ve sought godly counsel from our Home Church, from Dear Friends, from other parents who’ve gone through adoption, and from parents who’ve adopted after burying a child with special needs.  God has so literally surrounded us with a great cloud of fully-knowledgeable people who’ve spoken truth into our lives during these last many months.

  

 

 

REDEEM: to buy back, repurchase; to get or win back. 
 To repair or restore.

Through these four short years, moments of which have seemed agonizingly long, God has shown Himself to each of us in real ways, and the greatest way He has done that is through the birth of Miss Bowen Jane McLaughlin, this perfect baby girl who was born on Ellie Kate's Fourth Heaven Day, December 23th.  

She is Our Daughter, whom God has called us to adopt,
Our Daughter whom God has so clearly given to us! 

While so much of Our Journey remains a mystery, with confidence,

I CAN tell you the following . . . 

• For the Believer, God REDEEMS that which has been lost. God redeems us as humans, giving us eternal life with Him and abundant life here on earth.  God REDEEMS the broken things - the things we break on our own, because of our sin.  He redeems the things stolen by this broken, evil world

• God IS GOOD, even when it doesn't feel like it, ESP when it doesn't feel like it or when you can't see it.
• God IS working it all for your good, for the good of your children, for the good of ALL who love Him.  You can trust Him, no matter what, even if you must CHOOSE to trust. 
• God doesn't think any less or any different of you when you question Him or when you choose to trust (when you don't feel like trusting), or even when you or can't feel Him.  This doesn't make you any less of a Believer.
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
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   Your Father loves you the same, no matter what you say or what you do!  There is NOTHING that can change His amount of love for you nor the giddy, passionate way He feels about you as His Child! 
• God listens to the desires of your heart, Friend.  Oftentimes, He places those desires IN your heart so he knows them before you do!  God WILL fulfill those beautiful desires, the ones which seem so impossible, the ones you know that the Father-God gave to you.

 You just wait and see, Friends - if He's done it for us, He will do it for you.  REDEMPTION.  He WILL redeem what you are facing, what you've been through and what you will soon go through.  He WILL turn mourning into dancing, just as He promises for us as Believers.  Don't lose hope.  CHOOSE to believe Him, even when you don't feel like it

(esp when you don't feel like it), Mark 9:24.  

Conner, Meeting Ellie Kate for the first time - Dec 5, 2005

Bowen Jane, Going Home - December 25, 2016

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Our hearts are overflowing with humbleness, with gratitude,

with thankfulness as we look in awe at God's Providence. 

Will we still hurt?  Absolutely, and I imagine we will hurt even more deeply than we've experienced thus far, as reality sets in and we come to know that Ellie Kate won't get to love on or play with Bowen here on earth.  Bowen Jane the only sibling who won't have a chance to remember EK and wasn't able to see her in her earthly body like the others.  I find myself accidently calling Lucy, "Ellie Kate" during these last days bc it seems so similar to what we've already faced.  Ellie was just this size, just the same, when we brought Lucy home.  There will be many things that will be difficult in the days to come, and we aren't ignoring that.

We KNOW the heartache will continue and we know that Satan will come to steal our joy and our hope.  We KNOW too though, now more than EVER before,

how FAITHFUL AND TRUE Our God is!

We thank you for your continued prayers over this month of December - a month so full of heartache and now joy, as well.  We thank you too for your many texts, calls, emails, and messages as you've encouraged us with your words during Ellie Kate's Month of Reckless Love. 
 Thank you for saying her name, “Ellie Kate”.  
Thank you for sharing her story. 
 Thank you for recklessly loving, serving and giving to those around you!  

Miss Ellie Kate McLaughlin

If you ever have doubted God's existence, look upon Our Story.  HE.IS.REAL. He is active and alive; He is good Father.  Soon, you will be here in our position, telling others about His goodness and the fulfillment of His promises!

Ellie Kate, Dec 2005

Bowen Jane, Dec 2016

  

We are proof though, that God WILL, CAN and DOES so gladly take the Broken and make it into something more beautiful than anything ANYONE in the world could ever, possibly imagine!!!

"Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, 21to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen", Ephesians 3:20-21

 With Our Love and with Thanksgiving beyond Description,

Mike, Ryan, Conner, Henry,
Lucy Belle, Bowen Jane (and Ellie Kate from Heaven)!

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Many sweet friends have asked about end-of-year giving, so with that in mind, we share the following information (simply click on the links below):

• NKH Crusaders - Supporting Research - funds donated go solely toward NKH research at the University of Colorado and Denver Children's Hospital, or the research efforts at Notre Dame University, and/or the new research efforts at Boston Children's Hospital

• OKC Hope Link - the 501c3 God led us to start in 2007,  ministering to families whose children suffer from rare, serious and undiagnosed disorders / outreach to families who have lost children due to disease or illness
• McLaughlin Family Medical Fund - through Helping Hands Ministries, a 501c3 which pays medical bills directly or reinmburses via medical receipt (seen under 'Ellie Kate Memorial Fund').

Momma and Baby

Last Wednesday afternoon, I received a text and a phone call . . . my Daddy was taking Momma back to the ER, to the CLOSEST ER, to be exact.  He thought he could get her faster if he jumped in the car and drove her himself, instead of calling 911.  She was breathing just fine, but was incoherent and dizzy, and also extremely sick to her stomach.


After a very long night, Mom was admitted back to the ICU, but this time she is in a different hospital.  She has had assistance breathing, but has not been on the ventilator - a HUGE praise!  At this time, mom is in a regular room and is physically doing much better; she is stable as far as her numbers are concerned.  However, she is unable to eat because she is unable to respond to simple questions and commands.  She doesn't know what year it is.  She gets confused on where she is, constantly asking where she is and why she is there.  She doesn't recognize my sister and myself at times, but consistently does recognize my Daddy.  She cries out and moans in pain.  She has an NG tube that is constantly sucking green bile from her stomach (there is so much - we just don't know why it keeps producing).  She is on fluids but isn't getting any medications except for those that will help her anxiety and nausea.


I want to make some things clear about my Momma and all that has transpired . . . NONE of this has been caused because of an overdose of any kind.  What DID happen was that she was sent by her PCP to a new pain doctor.  This doctor didn't seem to pay close attention to what she was taking for other ailments and didn't seem to pay close attention to the large amount of medication he prescribed her.  He also didn't seem to think through any possible interactions of with current medications my mother was on.  So, on the second day of my mom taking the medications this new pain doctor gave her; when she was taking the medications EXACTLY as she was told to take them, it caused what appeared to be a severe reaction/interaction AND on top of that, mom had too much of the medication in her system, per her doctor's instructions.  This has been verified by all involved and there is absolutely NO questions of negligence or harm on the part of my Sweet Momma.  She was absolutely doing what she was told.  It was absolutely the fault of the new doctor (and in our family's opinion, the fault of all involved).  This was immediate apparent to the ER physicians and nurses who commented on the doses Mom was on, and thus a lawyer was contacted and now has taken over our case.  Thankfully, he is taking great care of my Mom and Dad.  We would love continued prayers for wisdom and guidance for this attorney!


This second hospitalization DOES indeed have something to do with the initial one, unfortunately.  When Momma was at St Anthony's they took her off ALL medications, even those she had been on for over 30 years.  They wanted to start fresh and clean, which sounded wonderful to us - it sounded like the best thing to do for mom. We hoped the delusions and other impairments Momma faced there were because she was coming off of those medications that had been in her system for so long.  When Mom was discharged from St. Anthony's hospital this past Monday, they went ahead and put her back on most of those same medications again (I didn't know this until recently).  This included the two medications that new doctor had put her on, except that the doses were much, much lower.  They wanted to wait for her to seen an internist to change everything appropriately.  I am SO angered at this, you guys.  Maybe it was the right thing, but it just doesn't feel right to me.  I wasn't there and I didn't speak with the doctors that day - My Daddy did and I know he too only wants what is best.  And we seem to naturally just trust doctors and what they say and what they tell us to do, because, well . . . they are DOCTORS.  We think they are smarter than us and more equipped, and in most cases, I am sure that is the truth.  But they aren't always right - we've learned that for sure.  They aren't always right only because they also are human, just like you and just like me!  That's why they call it the "practice of medicine" (as Michael so often reminds me).  They are just doing what they think is best and sometimes (not all the time) there are doctors who don't pay enough attention, there are doctors who discharge too early, there are doctors who don't put in enough time to make sure things are all settled before they send the patient home.  I'm scared this is what happened with Mom's last hospitalization.

I'm not sure how Momma will be from here on out.  I don't know if she will get better.  I don't know if we will get our Nunnie back, and that breaks my heart.  I hate that Mom feels so paranoid and confused.  We covet your prayers and love for my parents during this time, that is for sure!

On a MUCH happier note, I'm feeling more at peace than I have in a very long time.  God has given me great patience with life.  He's been calling us to simplify (me specifically), so I've taken a break from leading Hope Link and I've stopped trying to do Plexus and Rodan and Fields.  It was CLEAR that God wanted my attention and didn't want me striving to do those "good" things right now.  Sometimes we must let go of doing the "good" in order to taste the abundant greatness the Lord has to offer!

In all of that, God has continued to deepen our desire for another baby.  We won't be having any other biological children.  It's impossible for us to do that any longer and it's just too scary, knowing that one out of EACH of our pregnancies could result in NKH.  We believe God is calling us to adoption - the adoption of a newborn baby girl.

We don't know God's timing.  We don't know if this little girl will come to us soon or if it will be a while before God allows her to come into our lives.  He has shown us SO many signs in the physical AND spiritual, and we have no doubts that this is what He is leading us to.  We just don't know when, but we are eagerly placing that all in His hands.  We don't want ANYTHING that is NOT from Him, and I mean that with my whole heart.

As we sat to dinner last night, Mike and I both felt like someone was missing.  It wasn't Ellie Kate though, as oddly as that sounds.  We were missing a little baby!  It's strange how we both felt it, but it's just like God to do that and to unify us in our feelings and desires.  We DO know that God will bring us a baby by "word of mouth" and that we won't be going through an agency (unless God changes our hearts).  We believe this won't be a stressful thing, but a beautiful, natural thing from God.  We wanted to share this today so that you can put the word out, if the Spirit so leads:).

For six days last week, we were able to take care of a precious, gorgeous little baby who lives at the Oklahoma Baptist Children's Home with her mommy and big brother.  This little one doesn't need a home - she a one and her mom is working hard to make an even better one for her and for her brother.  It was just so precious to see our family open up to that Little One, who came in a stranger and left part of our family.  The boys adored her and have been asking since about adopting a little girl!  They still have some mixed feelings, but overall, they were smitten with the One and with the thought of a baby who can "do things" and who isn't "NKH", as Henry so kindly states.  I'm so grateful for that time with this baby, the time which showed us that it WAS possible for us to have FOUR children again and to be happy and joyful - it showed us we could do it, and happily!  It made us even more excited to see what God has in store.

I was able to talk a bit about this with my Momma on Tuesday, when she was back to being more of herself and when she was quite coherent, sitting here on our couch, in our home.  She was so excited at the though of another life (cautiously so, as we all need to be - there is so much that goes into it).  She and Dad prayed over me about it (everyone else was at school and work).  It was precious to hear them pray out loud about this desire God has so deeply laid on my heart.  I don't know why the burning is getting stronger, but it is.  I am grateful to have life and love to look forward to in this rough season of death and of the unknown with my Momma.  I know my Mom would feel that way for me too - Joy in the midst of sorrow.

God IS faithful, even when we are not.  I think He we see Him the most faithful then!  Not that He changes, but WE change during our desperate times of needing him.  When we are most desperate, we see Him most at work.  When you are desperate, IF you are desperate today . . . call out to Him!  Surrender to Him.  It is a constant surrender, a constant giving-over to the Lord.  I promise you though, it's so worth it, Friends.  This is the Life we are called to as Humans and as Believers - a life of complete surrender!  Surrender of our hopes and dreams, surrender of our health, our family, our jobs, our talents, our riches, our burdens, our weaknesses, EVERYTHING.  Give it to Him today and watch Him step in and work.  He alone is faithful!

Ryan

I Thess. 5:24 - "He who calls you is faithful; He will surely do it" (ESV)