A Thrill of Hope!

There have been some difficulties with my blog over the last two months; for some reason, only those who subscribe to it are able to actually see it in it's entirety.  I sincerely apologize for this and want you to know, I am working to find a remedy.  For now, I will keep blogging and sharing the link to the blog.  You can, "follow" me officially on Blogger.com and receive the updates directly in your inbox.  I will also cut and paste each post to my Facebook account, in hopes others will be able to see it there.  You've so faithfully loved and followed us since December 2005, and we want that to continue for as long as the Lord sees fit.  
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Gorgeous views on Bowen's Birthday, reminding me of Ellie in Heaven!

The Holiday Season is coming to an end.  Twinkling lights, vibrant colors and stunning Christmas carols surrounding us as we are out and about, are all being put away.  It makes me sad.  I want to hold on to this Season just a bit longer.   It's Ellie Kate's Season, the time of her birth and her death, and all of the lights, colors and music remind me of my Precious Daughter.  I miss her.  I miss everything about her.  


It's been six years since Ellie Kate took her last breath on earth - writing that even brings a heaviness to my chest.  Some would think I would be much more "over it" by now, but I assure you, I will never be "over" my Daughter's earthly death.  I will always miss the sound of her voice, although she did not speak.  I will always miss the way she entered a room, although she did not walk.  I will always miss the way she miraculously breastfed as a baby, then ate by mouth for a year before needing a feeding tube; to this day, it is difficult to set and gather around our dinner table because the obviousness that Ellie isn't there.  In our Family, someone is always missing.  

“If a mother is mourning not for what she has lost but for what her dead child has lost, it is a comfort to believe that the child has not lost the end for which it was created. And it is a comfort to believe that she herself, in losing her chief or only natural happiness, has not lost a greater thing, that she may still hope to "glorify God and enjoy Him forever." A comfort to the God-aimed, eternal spirit within her. But not to her motherhood. The specifically maternal happiness must be written off. Never, in any place or time, will she have her son on her knees, or bathe him, or tell him a story, or plan for his future, or see her grandchild.” 
― C.S. Lewis, A Grief Observed

I've come to see the last six years very much as I see the Advent song, "Oh Come, Oh Come, Emmanuel" (which has been my very favorite Christmas song for as long as I can remember).  I feel the longing in the lyrics. The melodies groan within me as a people groan for freedom and redemption.  I see myself as a Hebrew, waiting for God to deliver me from Egypt. I see myself as a Hebrew, waiting for God to deliver me from the Wilderness.  I see myself as a Hebrew, waiting for God to bring my Savior.  My Savior HAS come to Earth and I relish in that incredible, undeserving Gift.  I've accepted His gift of Eternal Life and yet as Believers, we still call upon Emmanuel - we still long for Him to move in our lives.  For me personally, I've longed for Him to move us out of certain Seasons (seasons of death, seasons of constant need, seasons of fear, etc).  I've been in this waiting period for a very long time.  In fact, I vividly remember singing this song when Ellie was first on the ventilator, just a few days old.  It's a desperate cry to the Almighty and I know that cry very well.  

“Knock and it shall be opened.' But does knocking mean hammering and kicking the door like a maniac?” 
― C.S. Lewis, A Grief Observed

“For in grief nothing "stays put." One keeps on emerging from a phase, but it always recurs. Round and round. Everything repeats. Am I going in circles, or dare I hope I am on a spiral?
But if a spiral, am I going up or down it?
How often -- will it be for always? -- how often will the vast emptiness astonish me like a complete novelty and make me say, "I never realized my loss till this moment"? The same leg is cut off time after time.” 
― C.S. Lewis, A Grief Observed

This year, for some reason, God has changed my heart-song for this season.  I'm in awe of this change really, and wondered what God might be doing by changing my heart, moving it on from, "Oh Come, Oh Come, Emmanuel" to, "Oh Holy Night".  A Dear Friend of mine has also been moved by this glorious hymn over Christmas, although the Lord has used in to move us both in very different, beautiful ways.  He's good and creative like that.  

 "A Thrill of Hope . . . " these are the words which God has sweetly placed in my Soul this Season and as we begin 2019.  I jump in excitedly, EXPECTANTLY, now not only for my Emmanuel to come, to step in, to deliver and make things right - but because I am HOPEFUL and thrilled for all God WILL DO through our weary hearts, minds and bodies.  

"A thrill of hope the weary world rejoices,

For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn;

Chorus

Fall on your knees, Oh hear the angel voices!

O night divine! O night when Christ was born.

O night, O holy night, O night divine". . . 

HOPE - for what is to come, because of what has been. 

A GLORIOUS new dawn is seen on the horizon.

The Divine Movement of Father, Son and Spirit 

is worth falling on our knees for!

HOPE.  I speak of it often, mostly in reference to Hope Link.  What does it mean to me today, in this Season, in the now?  HOPE - to me, for this New Year, it means NEW LIFE, goodness, joy; the thick, loving and happy presence of God.  HOPE means GOD is moving me (us) on, moving forward, out of the marsh and muck and onto solid ground.  I see it as a season of safety and light. Merriam Webster definition of HOPE

Job 8:11-13 (NLB), "those who forget God have no hope. They are like rushes without any mire to grow in; or grass without water to keep it alive. Suddenly it begins to wither, even before it is cut".

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Seeing this Christmas Season through, "A Thrill of Hope has been fragile, but sweet.  Sometimes, it's hard to let yourself "hope"; I'm sure many of you know what I am talking about.  This Christmas, as in the last six, I've clung to Jesus like my toddler clings to her daddy when she's really scared, crying-out for him, even in her sleep.  He IS faithful.  He IS true.  HE is the ONLY way I make it through this life of unexpected things, and HE wants to be there with you, too.  

Jesus is God's gift to us, fully-God and fully-Man, He lived in human form, experiencing everything we do - hunger, thirst, anger, fear; He longed for friends on earth and called out to His own Father, clinging to Him when He needed Divine wisdom and help.  He lived a perfect life, for you and for me.  He gave His life, for you and for me. He died a criminal's death, a horrific death and torture, then was buried, as a human.  His earthly body died.  God the Father breathed new life into Jesus, and He came alive again, proving forever and always that God Our Father has POWER over DEATH!  

Romans 1:17 Living Bible (TLB)

17 This Good News tells us that God makes us ready for heaven—makes us right in God’s sight—when we put our faith and trust in Christ to save us. This is accomplished from start to finish by faith.[a] As the Scripture says it, “The man who finds life will find it through trusting God.”*

Precious Friend,  I want you to know about this New Life offered through Jesus Christ - Abundant Life here on earth and Eternal Life after death!  Your life can count for eternity.  When you accept Him as Savior, He promises to never leave you nor forsake you.  You will NEVER be alone, on your own.  He doesn't promise a life without problems, without loss, but He DOES promise to be with you, every step of the way.  I personally couldn't possibly get through one day of NKH, one day of PANDAS, one day of child-loss without having Jesus Christ to carry my burden.   Because of Him, I have HOPE.  He placed Hope within me, an expectant joy for how He will move in and through me.  And, because of my personal relationship with Christ, I have the assurance that I will be with Ellie Kate for eternity!  I want you to have that assurance, especially going into the New Year.  You can start 2019 off being REDEEMED, renewed and restored - there are no magic words or prayers to pray; just share your heart and give Him your everything.  



With a Thrill of Hope,
Ryan

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Oh, Father!  I am yours. Everything I have, everything I love, I lay before you.  I give you all of my dreams, my desires, my wants.  I give you my thoughts and longings, my fears and failures.  Truly, I am nothing without you.  

YOU, Emmanuel, the Great I AM, God With Us.  YOU are EVERYTHING, you've created all things for your glory and for some reason, you were thinking of us when you created it all!  For OUR good and for YOUR glory - why are you so overwhelmingly generous?!?   I am so unworthy of the blessings and redemption you've bestowed. 

You have rescued me from the Valley of the Shadow of Death.  You continue to rescue and relieve me from despair.  You carry my burden and provide for my needs, above and beyond what I could ever hope or imagine!  

THANK YOU for giving me a new song, literally.  A THRILL OF HOPE - I am entering this New Year with thrill and excitement, knowing you are with me; you light my path.  Oh, Father!  I need you for every breath, every thought, every decision.  

I choose to put my trust and hope in you, Creator of All Things, the Protector of my Soul.  Everything I have is yours - my marriage, my children, my talents, my gifts, my earthly possessions; use it for your glory in 2019, Blessed Lord.  I lay it at your feet.  

"For Unto Us a Child is Born"

WARNING: This Post is one of my longest one's to date.  However, I PROMISE that it is rich, meaningful and has some VERY exciting surprises along the way!  So, read it all at once, read it in small bits, or only read the parts that interest you (I've labeled each section for easier reading).  Also, a big "thank you" to everyone for their patience and understanding as I've been without a working phone and without a working computer at home - yippee (sarcasm)!  

For those reading via phone or tablet - Blogger has seen fit to change the format of this post with extra highlights and confusing paragraph changes; for that, I sincerely apologize.  Hopefully all will be able to read this in it's entirety and hopefully, it will all make some sort of sense (despite the grammatical "differences"). In all seriousness and with all of my heart, I wish you the Merriest of Christmases!

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"For Onto Us a Child is Born"

Miss Ellie Kate starring as an Angel 

in the Church Christmas Program 2009

Christmas Songs. They fill our homes, our cars, our churches, and even our shopping malls. I remember one Christmas Season, when Charlie Hall was our Worship Pastor at Bridgeway Church,  he brought to our attention something uniquely special about this season:  Christmas - it's the ONLY season, the only time on earth, where Christ's name is proudly proclaimed out in the public arena, within our communities, throughout the airwaves,  and seemingly everywhere you go. How incredible is it that Our Lord's Name is being sung and proclaimed, even by those who do not know Him?! Do you ever sit back and fully take in the words of these beloved Christmas Carols, understanding the truth coming through the lyrics and rhymes?

Take this popular one, a favorite for many:

Oh holy night! The stars are brightly shining
It is the night of our dear Savior's birth
Long lay the world in sin and error pining
Till He appeared and the soul felt it's worth
A thrill of hope the weary world rejoices
For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn . . . 

Fall On Your Knees!

Truly He taught us to love one another
His law is love and His gospel is peace
Chains shall He break for the slave is our brother
And in His name all oppression shall cease!
Sweet hymns of joy in grateful chorus raise we
Let all within us praise His holy name!


And one of my VERY favorites, which clearly shows the longing of Advent . . . one I can relate to, with mourning and yearning for My Savior to meet me - not only for Salvation, but for daily life, hope and peace . . . 

O come, O come, Emmanuel
And ransom captive Israel
That mourns in lonely exile here
Until the Son of God appears
Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel
Shall come to thee, O Israel.



Advent - many of us celebrate it in our churches and with our families, but what does it truly mean?  The dictionary tells us that "advent" means "waiting or anticipating the arrival of something".  We celebrate Advent in the days leading up to the birth of our Lord Jesus Christ on Christmas Day. It's a holy remembrance of the history of Our People, as Christ-Followers.  It's the marked anticipation our forefathers once knew and so vividly tasted as they lived in a world without a Savior, without the Holy Spirit.  

Man was so sinful - lost and without hope.  Can you imagine - NO light, NO true peace, NO true hope?  They knew He was coming because the Father told them so and spoke to them for generations through the Prophets, as we see in the Bible.  They knew God the Father would bring a King - a King to set them FREE!  They no longer would be slaves or oppressed, as they had been for generation upon generation.

This short video from our church gives an excellent description
of Advent and: The Coming King

The Father fulfilled His promises with the birth of the Baby King. He delivered, quite literally, in fact.  Jesus was born miraculously, from the womb of a humble teenage girl and her partner who was also surrendered to the Father's Will.  Jesus wasn't born in a palace, but in a manger.  You know the story, of course.  It's just so easy to forget the reasoning of it all - Jesus was purposefully born to unknown, unimportant, lowly parents for a reason.  He was born in a lowly town, in a shed with filth and animals all around, without anything that would resemble royalty.  Jesus came to us in the lowliest of earthly forms because He is Us.  Jesus, the King of Heaven and Earth, lowered Himself and became the lowliest of men on that Christmas night. 

Let us not miss the meaning of Jesus's lowly earthly birth and the circumstances around it. 

It's in this spirit which I share what God has so dearly pressed on my heart this Christmas . . . 

• Jesus was fully God and fully man
• THE King, lowered Himself for me, willing to become human on my behalf
• He left His heavenly kingdom and comforts to be a helpless baby in the arms of an imperfect mother and father, to grow in a broken world, just like the one I live in.
• Jesus chose to live in an imperfect world with hurts - physical, emotional, mental and everything in between.  He chose that because of His great love for ME.
• The Father fulfilled ALL of His promises in Christ Jesus!  Even though He came in a different way, and even looked differently, acted and lead  differently than what they thought He would - God's plan was BETTER.  His way was PERFECT, even when it didn't seem that way.  Even when their Long-Awaited, Promised, King and Salvation came in the form of a lowly, poor baby boy without a crown - God was Good and had Good in store for His people, just like He does today.  

Here's something AMAZINGLY EXCITING: For Believers in Jesus Christ, Advent is also the waiting and anticipation of the second coming of Christ. We continue to live in a season of Advent because we know He is once again coming for us, defeating evil, death, and this broken earth once and for all - His Kingdom Come! 

THIS is the reason I have HOPE through My Daughter's death!  Oh, Friend, What else could bring me hope? How else could I go on?  How can one hold their dying child in their arms, kissing her mouth as she takes her last, agonizing breaths?  

There is only one reason why I can keep going; only one reason I have hope: I have hope because I know Jesus came to earth as a precious baby in a broken, human body - leaving His riches and the comforts of Heaven to live on earth among men; living to willingly give Himself as THE sacrifice for all mankind.  

Jesus was born.  Jesus lived.  Jesus died.  Jesus rose from the dead.  

Jesus ascended into heaven.  

JESUS IS COMING AGAIN, reclaiming His  Own, 

and we will live with Him for eternity!

Friends, Death does not bring "eternal sleep".

We won't just "cease to exist" once our hearts stop beating.  

For those who've made Jesus Lord of their life, who have asked forgiveness for their failures and depravity, we can celebrate, continuing a holy state of advent as we await our Precious Savior's return!

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A Very Special Delivery

Advent takes on an even more beautiful meaning for the McLaughlin Family this year. You see, the Father, in His most infinite wisdom,  in His most perfect design, has created a little life that will soon join Our Clan.  He has fulfilled His promises to us in more ways than we could have possibly imagined!

This December, this Month of Reckless Love; Our Ellie Kate's month of life and death - it is in this VERY month, where which God has so graciously decided to bless us with a beautiful, newborn Daughter.  

This incredible gift is one we did not seek out, although we did very much hope for it.  God brought her to us and He did it through Ellie Kate.  There are so many intricate details, exciting twists and turns, all gloriously and

completely from the Lord!  We cannot wait to share it with you, when the time is right and when this Little One is finally home and in our arms.  We gleefully expect her arrival any day.

Who but GOD could orchestrate such a thrilling gift?!  

Who but GOD could cause all of these things to fall into order,

at this very time and place?!  

• As we celebrate this Advent, we celebrate the marvelous life of our eldest daughter, Elizabeth Kathleen ('Ellie Kate') McLaughlin, our "Pure and Consecrated" Princess, whom we miss more than the stars in the infinite sky. 

• This Advent Season, we look back on Ellie's last days; on those severely painful, final moments of her precious, earthly life.  Our words fail, and often times so do our bodies, as we continue to face the reality of it all.  Even in joy, even in Advent, a part of us will always mourn.

• This Advent Season, we also celebrate Jesus as the "Giver of All Good Things"!  While no one could ever replace our most cherished, green-eyed, curly-haired little girl; the One born in December, who loved to "hop" around her world, "pat-pat" the ones she loved and dance to any and every beat which filled the air . . . God has given us the gift of LIFE in the form of another Little Soul, and the hope of her is a healing balm to us all.  

• This Advent Season, we celebrate that Christ has come to earth and that Christ will come again!  And in between those miraculous things, we can walk in full assurance that He is FOR us, that He is WITH us, Emmanuel.  

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Month of Reckless Love

This year we adopted the Williams family, made up of mom, daughter (14) and son (8).  Dad is currently in prison and has been for several years.  I had to force the family to choose "wants" and wishes for the Amazon List,as all they really wanted to put down were things such as shoes, socks and underwear.  This family is humble and precious, and they've become very dear to our hearts. Oh, what a joy it has been to see the wishes, needs and wants of this adopted family fulfilled!

IMPORTANT ADDITION:  We've recently  added one teenage girl to the family Wish List. "K" is a 16 year old girl now living with the Williams family, as her father was recently released from prison and is currently unable to assist in any way.  "K"s biological mother is currently unwilling and unable to care for several of her children, including K (who is the eldest). 

 " K" was given the role of raising her younger brothers and sisters while in her mother's home, and she misses her siblings terribly.  Although she doesn't ever want to live in that household again,   "K" does long to talk to her siblings and check on their well-being. Because of this, her Christmas wish consists of a flip phone, or a type of phone she can easily and cheaply communicate with.  "K" doesn't have a job because she is in school full-time and that is tough enough doing on your own, especially without any support from your family.

This Sweet Teen needs clothes mostly, and undergarments and other personal items that a teenage girl might need and want.  Gift cards are the best present for "K" or you can CLICK HERE for her Amazon Wish List.  

Even though the Amazon Wish Lists are almost complete, you can still send gifts to our address - gift cards to grocery stores, gift cards to the mall (the ladies need bras and undergarments), even monetary gifts and pantry items are welcome!  All donations will go directly to the family and to their physical needs.  So far, we've had a couch donated, as well as new mattresses for every one in the family (they currently sleep on the floor or on an old mattress on the floor).  A beautiful bed frame has also been donated and we hope to have new bedding for the family as well, including sheets!  

Can you believe how amazing God is - to move in the hearts of YOU on behalf of this family?!  Because of YOU, they are seeing the Body of Christ, the Love of Christ, the acceptance of Christ, the provision of Christ, and SO MUCH MORE!  

*Please, if you have any questions at all concerning our adopted family this year, or if you have items you might like to donate, feel free to contact me via Facebook or email: tullyryan@hotmail.com.

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"Ellie Kate's Wish"

(Ellie Kate's Helping Hands through NKH Crusaders)

This special fund through NKH Crusaders has been a tremendous blessing to people all over the United States! Several families were nominated by their fellow NKH families and as of this moment,  all but ONE gift has been purchased AND delivered!   From medical needs, such as a bath chair and a special humidifier, to basic toys - all items were things the nominated family  struggled to provide for various reasons. Because of YOU and your generosity, these needs and wants have been fulfilled.  

Click HERE to see last NKH gift left to fill

In addition to needs being met, a very giving Sunday School class at Emmaus Baptist Church of Moore, most generously blessed one of our dearest NKH Families, providing both needs  AND  wants! I wish we could all see the look on that little girl's face when she opens 

that American Girl Doll on Christmas morning - the doll that looks like HER; the doll she's wanted for years, but all her family's extra funds are needed for her brothers, both of whom have NKH.

*If you still feel led to give to an NKH Family this Christmas or to NKH Crusaders on behalf of Ellie Kate or Lucy, please glance at the information included at the end of this incredibly long post;).

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THANK YOU

OHMYGOODNESS, my heart dances at the thought of all the JOY and HAPPINESS brought about by so many of you, and all in Ellie Kate's honor! 

Friends, We are truly, eternally grateful!

 I have NO doubt Miss Ellie Kate's green eyes are sparkling  as that dazzling, sly grin sweeps across her face, those luxurious brown curls, bouncing up and down, as her deep giggle radiates throughout the heavens - her heart full of delight, peace and cheer; her soul so full of gratitude that it shines from her perfect, heavenly Being.  

And one day - One day, Ellie Kate will 

thank you for recklessly loving the World in her honor. 

One day, you will hear her voice,

as she so merrily dances and shouts in gratitude,

for all that you have done to serve, to sacrifice, to honor, 

to recklessly love, 

. . . the Least of These.  

Matthew 25:40

New International Version
"The King will reply, 'Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.'

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Many sweet friends have asked about end-of-year giving, so with that in mind, we share the following information (simply click on the links below):

• NKH Crusaders - Supporting Research - funds donated go solely toward NKH research at the University of Colorado and Denver Children's Hospital, or the research efforts at Notre Dame University, and/or the new research efforts at Boston Children's Hospital
• OKC Hope Link - the 501c3 God led us to start in 2007,  ministering to families whose children suffer from rare, serious and undiagnosed disorders / outreach to families who have lost children due to disease or illness
• McLaughlin Family Medical Fund - through Helping Hands Ministries, a 501c3 which pays medical bills directly or reiumburses via medical receipt (seen under 'Ellie Kate Memorial Fund').

HOPE

Today marks the beginning of Advent, with the focus on HOPE.  Hope is a curious thing to me. Obviously it is something dear to our family, seeing that we started "Hope Link".  In society, we use it so often, sometimes using it more like "wish".  But you see, Hope isn't "wishing" - it is BELIEVING in something that is True.  Hope is believing, based on the faithful promises of God.  

Before Christ's birth, Israel longed for their Promised King.  They HOPED in the Kingdom of God on Earth, because it was something that was promised.  During current Advent, Believers HOPE in what they know God has promised will come.  We HOPE in the second-coming of Christ, because we know it WILL happen - God has promised His return.  

As we sang my favorite Christmas Hymn this morning at church, I realized that I have HOPE that God will get me through this season, through Ellie Kate's Month of Reckless Love.  I'm counting on Him and believing that He will come in, this week, and "disperse the gloomy clouds of night" - the gloomy clouds of heartache that cover my Spirit.  I'm asking Him to bring Hope to my heart by reminding me how, because of Christ,  "death's dark shadows (are) put to flight", like they were for MY Daughter, three years ago on December 23rd.  I'm hoping in Him to "cheer us by Thy drawing nigh".  HOPE.  It's an absolute for me, for our family, this coming month and always.

O come, O come, Emmanuel,
And ransom captive Israel,
That mourns in lonely exile here,
Until the Son of God appear.
Rejoice ! Rejoice ! Emmanuel
Shall come to thee, O Israel.

O come, Thou Rod of Jesse, free
Thine own from Satan's tyranny ;
From depths of hell Thy people save,
And give them victory o'er the grave.
Rejoice ! Rejoice ! Emmanuel
Shall come to thee, O Israel.

O come, Thou Dayspring, from on high,
And cheer us by Thy drawing nigh;
Disperse the gloomy clouds of night,
And death's dark shadows put to flight.
Rejoice ! Rejoice ! Emmanuel
Shall come to thee, O Israel.

O come, Thou Key of David, come
And open wide our heav'nly home ;
Make safe the way that leads on high,
And close the path to misery.
Rejoice ! Rejoice ! Emmanuel
Shall come to thee, O Israel.

While yesterday was full of heavy, hot tears of grief - with today, came HOPE . . . Christ's Hope . . . and there are so many layers to that beautiful Hope He gives - for the future, from our past, for our hurts, for our sins, for our earthly losses, for our heavenly home.  HIS hope covers it ALL, and I am eternally grateful.  

With Hope in My Emmanuel,
Ryan